XW wants one kid at a time, each weekend. First week, ok. Second week, second kid doesnt want to go. I try to encourage the visit. She was not ready, and I was told not to force her. I told her to write XW a letter explaining it. She did, and then got a call, yelling and threatening to get custody of kids. This is to a 14yo kid, who then calls me crying big time at work to tell me. XW has changed her mind several times since the beginning. She wants everything sold, etc. My lawyer said to sit tight for now as they havent answered the complaint yet. I sent her an email letter yesterday to stop the harassment, and today, she starts on the kids. What would you do right now? This is what I tried to take them away from. Now she is still getting to them. Way far from nurturing.

HH,
Check with your lawyer, but in some states, at age 14, the kids can chose where they want to live, so her threat of getting custody rings hollow.

Ignore her and do what is best for the kids.

According to the lawyer, 13 is ok to let them choose. Problem is, this is an emotionally unstable person I am dealing with. She isnt happy that she isnt in control of the situation. Her response to my suggesting working on our marriage was, " I will Never let a man control my life". Funny though, she wants to control everyone else's life. I told her she was in denial, and she turned it back on me. I am open, honest and WAS willing. She told me she wasnt interested and I said ok. I will move ahead. I dont want to fight with anyone. If we cant fix it.. let it go. Now she is trying to control the situation by remote control and it isnt working. We cant let her know that she gets to us. My daughter wrote an honest letter of how she feels and the xw said she will take it to her lawyer to help her case and win the kids. I calmly told my daughter that she shouldnt worry. Her feelings are real. Take time and heal. Think good thoughts. I think her lawyer will ask... "Why do you think this will help you again? " It's all about control, intimidation and scare tactics. My kids shouldnt be scared of her. She did that. I didnt.

My x said the same thing about no man controlling her again(didn't know I was!) No she tells me she owes om/xh $17000. How did she manage that ina short time??

It sounds like you have a handle on things. Avoid her, and I am sure the kids will too.

These are empty threats.
Just do what is best for your kids to help them through this difficult time.
If you haven't already done so, talk to the counselors at school, they may be able to suggest a counselor or school programs.
Check out www.rainbows.org for grief counseling for children of death or divorce. It's a great program.
Read all you can to help your children. They also have books your children can read to help them understand and get through this period.
Good Luck.
If you established a pattern of consistent parenting before the split & continue now, it will mean alot in court.