My husband of 9 years has just recently told me that he feels nothing for me. He says he is miserable at home and would rather live the "single life", being able to do what he wants to do when he needs to do it. I know that I have been controlling in the past, but thru marriage counceling, I believed that things have changed and improved. (Mostly by his words spoken there). I love my husband with everything that I have, but I am lost with what to do? My boys, 7 and 3 are confused too. Please help. Any advice is good advice at this point. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What sort of MC did you do?
Have you read the Basic Concepts here? And how do they jibe with your previous MC?

Is there another woman? When men start talking about living the single life, they either have another woman or are going through a mid-life crisis. Or both. Women usually say things like “I just want to be on my own. I just want to be alone.”

Read up on Emotional Needs and LoveBusters. Then, read up on Plan A. Plan A is geared to bring your spouse out of withdrawal. And it works. I know, I brought my STBX out of withdrawal by using it.

The reason he’s a Soon to be Ex is because he wouldn’t stop Love Busters or meet my emotional needs. He refused. So I’m the one who decided to get out.

Welcome to the board, by the way.
Check out Emotional Needs board and the first thread. It's not as long as it looks and has tons of important information.

We went to MC for approx. 1 year. I since been on medication for depression and anxiety disorder, which has helped me be less moody, but also left me not wanting sex as much as he did.
I asked him if there was another person and he said "no". He just wants to be single and live the single life.
Where can I find the information you've suggested? I'd really love to read it.

Thanks.

At the top of the Posting page - under the Marriagebuilders name, click on the Concepts section to learn about MB principles. Take my advice and order the book on tape, much easier to get through when you can't concentrate.
And the Quikstart tape is an excellent introduction to MB principles.

Dear Nervous 1,

There is a discussion in Negotiting on 180 Degree Divorce Busting. You say you have no idea of what to do, so that list should give you an outline of a number of things to do. Just take a few categories, and do the opposite of what you have been doing, and see if things improve, then drop a few and try a few more, until you get more things impproving.

You mention that your husband would prefer to be single, which indicates that the martial bedroom could be tuned up a little. Have you ever visted themarriagebed.com, sexualforums.com? There are loads of ideas there for spicing up the marital bedroom. In many marriages, the wife can be complacent about mismatched sex drives, and many marriages still work fine with the marital bedroom at less than 100%. Many wives posting on this MB forum seem to be able to remain married without compromising in the bedroom. Apparently their approach is not working for you.

Good luck,

Whaler

<small>[ February 23, 2004, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>