"Moving On" Steps I've taken (so far)...
1 - I left my first Marriage on April 1, 1998
2 - I entered into my own Recovery Plan same year.
3 - I moved to Farmersville, Texas and got engaged.
4 - I found out how LOUSEY that relationship was and I ended it in early 1999.
5 - I moved out on my own.
6 - I met a wonderful sweet Christian Lady.
7 - I asked her to marry me.
8 - April 2000 we married.
9 - My Emotional Affair (what a stoopit-a$$ move on my part)
10 - I found MarriageBuilders and began reading.
11 - Guarding my Heart with all diligence!
12 - Began posting on Divorcing/Divorced Boards.
13 - After all this time, I believe it's time to move on to another Board and post there - or at least lurk and read stuff...
Look for me in the: "EMOTIONAL NEEDS" Boards.
**14 - I will come visit 'The Kingdom Of Caerlon' on occasion.**
Why? Because 'The Kingdom' rocks!
Peace, Good Luck, and take care, all Y'all!
Harold/DJ T-Bird/Sauron/LuvDatBaby/Galadriel&Arwen... etc...

<small>[ February 19, 2004, 11:46 PM: Message edited by: Sauron Lord Of The Rings ]</small>

Ahem, sir, I don't think so. You can't leave me. I am your princess and you are my DJ (and that does not mean disrespectful judgement).

Hello Princess! I will not be leaving 'The Kingdom' just posting in EMOTIONAL NEEDS - I have been over to the afore-mentioned board and... it's DEAD! There's nobody posting there except me. Forget that! I was a bit 'hasty' however, I will still be in 'The Kingdom' (you DO need a brain-damaged disabled Vet, right?) however, I have become discouraged reading the other threads on this 'Divorcing/Divorced' Boards - really!
At least, The KoC is a peaceful place! I like it there.

Here's from my Original Posting: 14 - I will come visit 'The Kingdom Of Caerlon' on occasion.

So, 'on occasion' might be 5 times a day or it might be 5 times a week or ... well, I'm NOT leaving The KoC!!
Peace to our Fair Princess!
Sincerely, Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sauron Lord Of The Rings,

I'm curious--as I was reading over your list I noticed that you've moved from relationship to relationship--within a short period of time--and was wondering if you have looked within yourself to figure out why that is--

Is it that deep down your afraid to be alone?
or that your looking for someone to fill a need that they may not be capable of meeting? One that maybe only God alone can fill?


1 - I left my first Marriage on April 1, 1998
3 - I moved to Farmersville, Texas and got engaged.
4 - I found out how LOUSEY that relationship was and I ended it in early 1999.
6 - I met a wonderful sweet Christian Lady.
7 - I asked her to marry me.
8 - April 2000 we married.
9 - My Emotional Affair (what a stoopit-a$$ move on my part)

Hi TR! Actually, I'm not good at doing 'quotes', but I want to answer your questions as best I can: please bear with me...
So I'll quote in all CAPS (not hollering online!),OK?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong> Sauron Lord Of The Rings,

I'm curious--as I was reading over your list I noticed that you've moved from relationship to relationship--within a short period of time--and was wondering if you have looked within yourself to figure out why that is-- **IT'S VERY SIMPLE, REALLY. MY THEN-WIFE IN 1998 WAS MS PERFECT AND COULD DO NO WRONG. I TRIED MY BEST BUT IT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH - EVEN THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR TOLD US THAT I WAS WRONG AND THAT MY WIFE WAS RIGHT IN EVERY THING SHE SAID. OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HER VERBAL ABUSE EITHER. ONLY SOLUTION WAS TO DIVORCE - AND THAT WAS HER IDEA, NOT MINE. SO, AFTER MY DIVORCE, I DECIDED TO LOOK UP AN OLD FRIEND FROM YEARS GONE BY - SHE HAD GOTTEN DIVORCED TOO, AND WE WERE BOTH LONELY, SO WE MET EACH OTHER AGAIN AND THINGS SEEMED TO BE OK WITH US. THANK GOD I FOUND OUT IN TIME JUST HOW MUCH SHE HAD CHANGED AND WAS SELFISH AS WELL. SO I LEFT HER AND LIVED BY MYSELF.
I DID OK WITH THAT - BUT GOT TO WANTING A LIFE COMPANION - AFTER ALL, THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
IF I HAD TO, I COULD LIVE SINGLE AND DO OK WITH IT. I CHOOSE NOT TO.**

Is it that deep down your afraid to be alone?
or that your looking for someone to fill a need that they may not be capable of meeting? One that maybe only God alone can fill? **I KNOW THAT MARRIAGE DOES NOT CREATE HAPPINESS AND THAT IT SOMETHING YOU BOTH HAVE TO WORK ON. YES, I AM A CHRISTIAN, GOT SAVED IN 1969 WHEN I ACCEPTED JESUS AS MY SAVIOUR. I DO KNOW THAT GOD CREATED US 'TO NOT BE ALONE' THAT IS WHY HE GAVE EVE TO ADAM IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN.**


1 - I left my first Marriage on April 1, 1998
3 - I moved to Farmersville, Texas and got engaged.
4 - I found out how LOUSEY that relationship was and I ended it in early 1999.
6 - I met a wonderful sweet Christian Lady.
7 - I asked her to marry me.
8 - April 2000 we married.
9 - My Emotional Affair (what a stoopit-a$$ move on my part) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">**O YES, THE EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. I WAS TRYING TO HELP AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE FROM 28 YEARS PREVIOUS, WE WERE FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SHE FOUND ME ON 'CLASSMATES.COM' WEBPAGE. I HAD SIGNED UP ON THERE FOR CLASS REUNIONS INFORMATION. SO ANYWAY, I THOUGHT THAT I COULD ENCOURAGE HER WITH HER MARITIAL PROBLEMS.
WRONGO! I AM NOT A COUNSELOR AND - AS ALL AFFAIRS DO - NONE OF IT WAS PLANNED, IT HAPPENED BECAUSE I BEGAN OFFERING HER ADVICE AND REASSURANCE OF HERSELF AS A PERSON - SHE WAS MARRIED TO AN ALCOHOLIC.
SADDER BUT WISER NOW - I AM IN NO POSITION TO OFFER ANYONE ADVICE REGARDING THEIR MARRIAGE, OTHER THAN TO MAKE AN OBSERVATION OF WHAT THEY HAVE SAID AND TO SUGGEST MARRIAGE COUNSELING OR TIME SPENT IN CHURCH. HOPE THIS ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS.**
Sincerely, Harold

Sauron Lord Of The Rings,


That does--like I said--I was just curious if it was that you were just afraid to be alone--

and to be honest--I don't believe God created everyone to be married--as Jesus Himself was not married..and many of His disciple's were not married--some were--but not all--and they actually had more time to devote to His service without the family life holding them back --no conflict in priorities-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How much have you learned about yourself over the years?

And something I've been thinking about lately--
I'll just add this as an aside---and not really questioning---

I was introduced to Jesus as a child, but didn't accepted Him as My Savior until I was in High School--and even with that--it wasn't until years
later (after spending quality time with Him) did I begin to really see Him as my bestfriend--

So I guess I'm kind of asking--how long after you were saved did it take for you to become bestfriends with Jesus?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong> Sauron Lord Of The Rings,


That does--like I said--I was just curious if it was that you were just afraid to be alone--

and to be honest--I don't believe God created everyone to be married--as Jesus Himself was not married..and many of His disciple's were not married--some were--but not all--and they actually had more time to devote to His service without the family life holding them back --no conflict in priorities-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> **HI TR! I AGREE - THE APOSTLE PAUL WAS SINGLE, AND HE MADE NUMEROUS REFERENCES TO BEING 'UNMARRIED EVEN AS I' IN HIS EPISTLES TO THE EARLY CHRISTIAN CHURCH. I WONDER HOW MANY OF THE ANCIENT PROPHETS WERE ALSO SINGLE BACK IN THE OLD TESTAMENT AS WELL..**

How much have you learned about yourself over the years? **A LOT, BUT I'M STILL LEARNING - I BELIEVE THAT A TYPICAL LIFE IS JUST LEARNING AND GROWING (MENTALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY) AND LIFE IS A JOURNEY. I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND 'PAT' OR ANYTHING, BUT I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO. FACT IS, WHENEVER MY WIFE AND I TALK ABOUT THIS GENERATION OF KIDS GROWING UP NOW (LORD HELP US ALL!) I REALIZED LAST YEAR THAT I SOUND EXACTLY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LIKE MY PARENTS DID WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER!**

And something I've been thinking about lately--
I'll just add this as an aside---and not really questioning---

I was introduced to Jesus as a child, but didn't accepted Him as My Savior until I was in High School--and even with that--it wasn't until years
later (after spending quality time with Him) did I begin to really see Him as my bestfriend--

So I guess I'm kind of asking--how long after you were saved did it take for you to become bestfriends with Jesus? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is where much of my problems have come from: I'm still not 'bestfriends' with Jesus. I'm ashamed to say it, but it's truth. I have been kinda just going thru life 'knowing' I'm a Christian and never really was serious about attending church or having a real 'quiet time' with God. However, these past few months, my wife and I have both gotten serious about this; we also know and realize that marriages survive with God in them - and that things we NEED to do together are: Pray, have daily devotional time, and attend a good church together. Without these, it's easy for the devil to slip in and cause problems. Right now, we're looking for the Lord to lead us to the right church He would have us go to: one where we can not only be ministered to, but where we can also help others - we believe God has a 'ministry' for us and are asking Him to show it to us. When I say ministry, I'm not talking about the HIGH PROFILE stuff like preaching, singing, etc. It's the 'little things' that really count. Jesus said in the New Testament, that when you do something for God, do it without desiring the praise of men (or women, for that matter). We are like that - it's good to know you were able to help someone in the name of Jesus and not have somebody stand up in the pulpit and 'announce it' to the congregation. Neither of us likes public recognition.
So, that's kinda where we are right now.
Sincerely, Harold

Sauron Lord Of The Rings,

I'm assuming you live in Texas some where--(based on your post you moved to a town there) but then you could have moved away--

Not sure which type of church your looking for--
other than maybe one that preaches the true Gospel and doesn't water it down to appease the congregation--or one that is the direct opposite and is so legalistic in their views that if you sneeze the wrong way--your condemned--(yes, those are out there too)

If you can find one that offer's a new members or Inquirer's Class that you can attend and get to know more about the doctrine's of the church--and what they believe and teach--I'd recommend one of those--(Only two of about 50 or so churches I've attended over the past twenty something years have done this) One I went to for about 6 years--and one I go to know--

they both did a Spiritual Gift's Inventory at the end of the class, so that each person knows what their gift's are so they can see where they want to serve--based on those gifts--

Like for example--if you don't have a gift of teaching you wouldn't want to get up and teach a class--or if you don't like working with pre-school age children--you don't want to serve in that area--you'll get frustrated and won't be happy and won't be effective in that ministry--

Out of all of the churches I have attended over the years--these two have had the highest volunteer rate of service from the congregation--
because the congregation knows what their gift's are--and what area they are willing to serve--The church leadership doesn't expect you to do everything--and they don't call on you to do everything--but they will call and ask if they know you have that gift--to see if your interested in serving in that area--they don't expect you to be at church every time the doors are open and something is going on--why? because they know your first ministry is with your family-

Have you two read the book "The Purpose Driven Life?" There are many churches who are begining a 40 Day's of Purpose Study--it's supposed to help each member grow stronger in their Christian Walk
and seeking God's purpose for the individual lives of the members--so if you haven't read it--
maybe it's something you and your wife would consider doing together--they are saying read a chapter a day for 40 days--and get together and discuss what your learning and how God is working in your lives--

I know there are a few men here on the boards who have or who are reading it--so maybe until you find a church--you could ask them if they would be willing to do a discussion group--or you could ask one of the local Christian Book Store's if they know of any churches who are doing the study??

And as far as your sharing with others--about your faith--the easiest way I have found to do that--is by knowing Him--If you wanted to introduce someone to another friend of your's how would you do it?? You would talk about them--and say something like--You know I think you would really like this other friend of mine--I think you would really like Him--have you ever met Him??

He's the only person I know of that I can call anytime day or night--when I really need to talk to someone who isn't going to scream and hollar at me because I called them--and He's really interested in my problems and what I have to say
and He's willing to help out whenever I ask even if it's just to listen--sure it sometimes takes awhile for Him to get other's on board (given time to prompt their hearts to assist) but He always comes through--and many times in way's I never would have imagined--but I must say--it's really awesome to see things work out in the end-
sometime's way's I'm not really thrilled with--
but even then it has alway worked out for the best--

But, I will be praying for you two as well to find a church home that you can serve and grow in your walk--keep me posted--