I have been troubled here with the lack of strength so many of you have here. I know the hell divorce puts everyone through. I have been there myself. If you all want to go back and see all of the hell I went through for a few years go back and read my posts from 1999-2001. I posted as Crazy or What back then. One thing I did learn was when the divorce was over so was the connection. I knew I had to move on. Oh, it would have been so easy for me to hang on to my ex and expect him to make it all better but I knew it wasn't a reality. So I mustered up all of the inner srtength I had left and I moved ahead with three teenagers a load of debt he left me and two full time jobs. Was it easy? Hell no it wasn't. I worked hard at work and at home. My main goal was to show my children that for one I would always be there for them and two that one can always survive and that life always goes on. My ex quit paying childsupport in Dec of 2001 and I have yet to see a dime since then.
The money would have been nice but I guess I have enough pride to know I did it by myself.
My Daughter the other day told me that she admires everything I have done for her and her brothers. She said that I taught her so much about being strong and believing in yourself.


What I am trying to say to a few of you is you need to move ahead. You are only hurting yourself by hanging on the way you do. Belief in God is wonderful but God helps those who help themselves and right now you arn't even close to helping yourselves. It does no good to complain about he did this or she did that its over finished what they do or say no longer makes a difference. Except when it comes to the children and even then you need to set up boundaries.

Jilly,

Yes it did take strength to do what you did and much courage. I congradulate you. You have shown your daughters that they do not have to stand around and be treated like a doormat in a M.

However, you seem to think that believing in God is a crutch for the weak and that if something is to be done you have to do it yourself. At least that is the impression that comes across. Or at minimum, doing something is exclusive of God's guidance.

There is a Greek word for belief (the actual word escapes me right now) but it is a verb that requires action and that is the kind of belief God wants from us. Not a passive let God do it all. He wants us to take action, but He wanats us to be guided by HIm in all we do. Including waiting for Him to complete His work in those spouses that have a harder road to travel to return to a fellowship with Him.

Don't get me wrong; you're situation was probably best for you. But do you think it is wise counsel to try to pursuade others that waiting for God to do the work He wants to do in their spouses is considered weak? It takes a lot more streangth to do want God will is, than to give up and let the person they promised to be there for become a playtoy for the enemy. And if you don't understand what I mean here that's ok.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God helps those who help themselves</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you know that this is used so often by so many people and it isn't even in the Bible. My dear sweet brother told me that many years ago and I believed Him. What it really equates to is we always need to be doing something for things to happen. That is so far from the truth.

More correctly put; "God helps those that trust in Him and have the strength to obey His will." Even against all odds.

Congradulations to you and the things you have accomplished for yourself and our daughters. I wish you well.

Imi...

We all have our beliefs and we believe in God in our own way.

wow jillybean,
i really don't know anything about your background but it's great that you are so proud of yourself and you have set the example that you want to set for your children, however, your post comes across a bit condescending.

i think we all deal with things according to our own value system and it's difficult not to measure others using our own yard stick. People show strenth in different ways.

I am proud of what I have accomplished. That isn't why I posted this though. I just see so many here who struggle with low self esteem issues. Issues of being unable to break from their Ex. It would be different if they were happy with this but they arn't. There is so much negative on this board. Yes, divorce is a very negative thing but it doesn't have to stay that way. Unless a individual gains some strength to move on they will continue in the same miserable cycle.
I see individuals here who after 4-5 years still have the same complaints and the same issues. I can't believe that is good for anyone. A person can't change the past but can make the now the best it can be.

I am not a writer. Getting my point across in writing is not one of my talents, I am a much better speaker. So often what i write comes across the wrong way and I'm sorry if i ever insult anyone that is not my aim. My aim here is to show people that life does go on after divorce but it is up to you to make it happen.