If you don't like the game, quit playing.

Separate your finances. Pay your obligations. Stop the insults and the put downs. Stop your part. You know she likes to rile you up. You know how she likes to play. So stop.

And while you're at it, stop playing us too. SNL, Lurking About, SUDFB and all. Be who you are, without thinking you can deceive us with another game. We're not that stupid, and you're not that smart.

Kayla OUT!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And while you're at it, stop playing us too. SNL, Lurking About, SUDFB and all. Be who you are, without thinking you can deceive us with another game. We're not that stupid, and you're not that smart.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't feel "deceived." Even if one of them is deceiving... okay... so be it. It is not hurting me. Why do we become defensive thinking someone is "deceiving" us? I guess I don't understand this on MB forum where EVERYONE is anonymous! I am fairly certain that there's alot of posters on this board with "multiple personalities." I am not going to lose sleep over it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> They are still people, whoever they are. They don't need to be "slammed" and I don't want to spend my precious time on "witch-hunts."

People come here hurting and in great pain. Broken relationships are the most painful thing that we as people experience in life.

I do think that this particular couple is seeking help in the wrong place though! There are too many here "taking sides" and to be honest, the posts are very, very long (faith's and her ex) and filled with so much grief, anger, hurt. I know that for me, I honestly don't have the time to be able to closely read them and then wisely counsel. It's not out of lack of compassion but just truly lack of time.

I think a pro. counselor might be able to help this couple (individually), and I think their time here might only be stirring things up because it's a "she says, he says" blame game with a bunch of spectators involved, all choosing "sides" and wanting to figure out motives, etc.

Is it helping anything? It seems to me to be a never-ending vicious cycle. Hopefully someone will break it soon or they are going to destroy their own and each other's sanity.

I truly hope that both Faith and her ex-husband both find healing and peace, individually and as a once-married couple who share children. I hope the same for everyone.

Well LoveMyEx,

Perhaps you need a little background to understand.

"SNL" was banned from MB by the MB moderators. He continued to create new screen names and kept posting as the moderators kept banning the new screen names.

There must have been a valid reason they banned him, no?

In addition, there are several of us here that have met and stay in REAL LIFE contact with one another (hence non-anonymous). So your theory of everyone maintains anonymity on MB is not quite accurate.

Jo

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I am familiar with the background of snl/thinker as well. Snl was never chastised by moderators, or violated any rules. Rather the opposite, he was targeted by a clique of disgruntled posters (as exists on every message board) who were incensed at being philosophically challenged. He was also defended by posters who vigorously disagreed with him, but who recognized the importance and value of the free exchange of ideas amongst civil individuals. His crime was the standard one, he represented a miniority opinion, and those who are intolerant of (or threatened by)differing opinions targeted him with any attack they could muster from outright personal attack on the boards (for which they were chastised, not him), including complaining bitterly to the moderators.

He was the ws, but found MB and stayed to try and figure out how his life self-destructed....he brought his wife here as well. Their interactions on the boards were typical of couples (ones in deep conflict) who do this....it was a disaster, fueled in part by the natural propensity of people to choose "sides"...and of course a ws who dares to "question" their marriage is automatically crucified here. Anyways, their interaction escalated to disturbing proportions, and was disruptive to the boards (one can research the posts if they wish to see what happens to couples sometimes). As their counselling efforts with the harleys's failed, and they seperated, the powers that be intervened, sent them both to the showers to cool down (at least as much as MB was concerned anyways). Their banning was an effort to help the two (by defusing some of the conflict) as much as anything, but was due to some board disruption also. The were not "banned" for misbehaving, or being trolls, or aggressive/hostile etc. Thinker (faith4me) returned a year or so later. Snl came back with new name, not seeking any board interaction with his wife, as he tried to figure out his life... but people here would not let him be, and insisted on dragging up his old persona, and reigniting conflicts about his marriage...he did not try to hide who he was that much, the moderators had no instructions to let "snl" post, so pulled his new name in the finest tradition of bureaucratic efficiency. Snl probably has the dubious distinction of being the only poster ever banned for following all the rules...but such are the "hazards" of discussing volatile issues, and taking a miniority position. Interestingly everything he ever said has been said again, questioned, debated, etc, by new posters.

As for whether any poster here has more than one on-line ID, the issue is moot, it makes no difference. That is the whole point of gauranteed "annonymity"....it is a condition and right of cyber reality, for everyone...none of us gets to know who anyone else is..... all we can do is respond to their cyber persona...in fact it is rude, and invasive to try an link someone to multiple id's, or discern their real life identity (such as someones spouse etc.)...there are many reasons one might feel a need for multiple ids, and no one has any obligation whatsoever to justify doing so....the only obligation is to post according to the content rules. However, I would surmise, much of the reason for this phenomena, is a desire to avoid conflict, seems a laudable goal. If "snl" has other names, I would imagine it is his desire to avoid conflict with his exw, and those who with illwill and feel a mandate to "attack" snl, just because he is snl. One of the great things about on-line communities, is the opportunity for "do overs" people can grow, change objectives, etc. and move on with a "new" identity....people do so all the time. It is also a way to protect oneself from the inevitable cyber-stalkers. I would imagine if faith4me exH had/has any desire to revisit his marital issues here on MB, he will do so....and apparently for the reasons he stated he did....still not as snl...whether the powers that be see anything wrong in that, I am sure they will make clear in due time. Given the size of this community, and the range of behaviour that is "allowed", it is hard to see any reason why faith4me exh would be singled out for censorship.

One thing I do find interesting, and IMO relates closely to temperament type, is the efforts people will go to to censor someone they disagree with.....yet others welcome disagreement, and open discussion. It is absolutely predictable, that almost immediately, any volatile discussion, attracts posters who attack the speaker, and do not refute the idea... I wonder why that is...I have my ideas, but regardless of why, it reveals a tremendous amount about someone who does this...and how they are in relationships.

This has to be one of the most hilarious things I have seen on this forum...

I am thinking it is close to some kind of skit that allows for "quick change" costumes...and the clueless player is unaware that he is not completely in costume...jerking a stray wig off...tucking in a wayward shirttail.

Until, he know longer knows what role he is playing...nor what persona he needs to be presenting.


It has truly reached comic proportions. Where is that "rolling on the floor laughing" icon when you need it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

committed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sufdb:
<strong> I am familiar with the background of snl/thinker as well. Snl was never chastised by moderators, or violated any rules. Rather the opposite, he was targeted by a clique of disgruntled posters (as exists on every message board) who were incensed at being philosophically challenged. He was also defended by posters who vigorously disagreed with him, but who recognized the importance and value of the free exchange of ideas amongst civil individuals. His crime was the standard one, he represented a miniority opinion, and those who are intolerant of (or threatened by)differing opinions targeted him with any attack they could muster from outright personal attack on the boards (for which they were chastised, not him), including complaining bitterly to the moderators.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Puleeezeeee!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yep...I've seen and read it all now.

I just wanna know what does this at all have to do with MB at this point at all?

You're divorced. You have issues that go way beyond it.. and she does too.

So realize none of us are judge or jury here...And it's horribly painful to see 2 people going at it without any resolution or any hope for peace...you have your version of the truth and so does she..

None of us will ever know what truly went on between you and I don't want to know either anymore..But I do know one thing and this is the truth..

You and your other alter pen ego's seem to enjoy spinning the truth of your reasons for justification of adultery...yea.

Adultery equals LACK OF SELF CONTROL. That's an adult issue btw..we're supposed to learn a bit about this before we become adults..

And I am not going to say anything else to you except it turned my stomach when I read how you met your former mistress by proclaiming you'd "never" commit adultery on a presumed religious website/forum...

I am not going to post to you anymore nor will to your alter ego's either...And will only to your x about her moving on and ahead which is very important. To you, I say lose the ego and get a grip.

Resilient,
Actually I am aware of the background of SNL, SUFB, etc. And I have seen alot of people here stating that SUFB is SNL. And I see that SUFB has not been "banned" by the moderators. Both SNL and SUFB are people... either the same or different. Like I said, my time is precious, as I'm sure yours is too. I will not work myself into some "frenzy" trying to witch-hunt identities on this board. I am certain that there are others who have multiple identies, and probably some of them are ones accusing SUFB of doing so.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In addition, there are several of us here that have met and stay in REAL LIFE contact with one another (hence non-anonymous). So your theory of everyone maintains anonymity on MB is not quite accurate.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you consider the number of people who visit this forum, the real life contacts are few and far between. For the most part, MOST people here have not met each other in real life and they are anonymous. And while you may be known in real life by others, you are still anonymous to me... so no, my theory of anonymity really is not all that inaccurate.

You do not have to agree with my opinion. My opinion is that its a waste of time to get yourself upset about identities. My opinion also is that Faith and her ex's problems extend far beyond this board and that the taking of sides that is happening here is not profitable for them.

And in MY opinion, regardless of who SUFB is or isn't, his above post makes alot of good statements, but I have a feeling that the reaction of most people will be like Kayla's "Pleazzze" simply because they are more concerned about his "identity" than about what he has to say.

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hmmm....yes you can look at the archives to get the info about snl...but that post above just gave too much info for sufdb NOT to be snl. Sufdb wasn't HERE when that stuff was going on. Too many of the above comments show that in fact he was...and I bet he now says he was 'lurking' a lot before he registered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am getting concerned about sufdb...I think he has a genuine case of multiple personality disorder. He may not even KNOW he is posting as another persona... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Nuff said...WHY do I keep reading these threads? And, no, that was a rhetorical question....nobody try to answer it please! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes you can look at the archives to get the info about snl</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh my goodness... why would anyone want to do that? The only times I've ever read someone's past posts is to find out more about their story to be able to better help them (not to "catch them" in something). And that alone took ALOT of time!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sufdb wasn't HERE when that stuff was going on.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neither was I. Maybe I am SNL? Maybe I am Faith? Hmmmm.... something to wonder about. You really have no way of knowing though, do you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am getting concerned about sufdb...I think he has a genuine case of multiple personality disorder. He may not even KNOW he is posting as another persona...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh good grief. Why does it always come down to this? People don't like other posters (people whom they don't even know in real life!) and start medically diagnosing their mental illnesses!

And why, is it always the same people on here (divorced forum) that "gang up" on others? It is the same group of posters, time and time again.

Maybe they are all the same people? I'm honestly beginning to wonder! I wonder if anyone else also wonders about this.

Uhhh..

This isn't to FXH, or sufdb or whoever in the heck he is...

This is to say that yea, some here do tend to do the witchhunt...

So I say to some here practice what they preach...

And SOME OF US HERE AT MB aren't just anonymous. Some of us from time to time email our friends from here privately and some of us also have met and forged good friendships as well.

But it gets confusing when very very similar personalities post very similar things...echoing the almost exact issues verbatim. Thus, the multiple ID thing I think has happened.

And I also don't have time to research everybody here. But I post to those who need help, today, at this time. Or to old friends who need support in the resolution of their present issues related tto their divorce/separation.

And then THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE HERE WHO DO NOT POST ABOUT THEMSELVES OR GIVE ANY INSIGHT MUCH INTO THEMSELVES but offer advice to others and go on that darn witchhunt periodically.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And SOME OF US HERE AT MB aren't just anonymous.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MOST people here ARE anonymous. There are a few who've met in person. But the MAJORITY of posters on the MB forums are anonymous and do not know each other outside this medium.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But it gets confusing when very very similar personalities post very similar things</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Confusing to whom? It is not confusing to me. Although I must admit there are a handful of women posters who do sound very, very much alike and I am now wondering if they are perhaps the same in one. It still doesn't confuse me though. Just arouses my curiosity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> This has to be one of the most hilarious things I have seen on this forum...

I am thinking it is close to some kind of skit that allows for "quick change" costumes...and the clueless player is unaware that he is not completely in costume...jerking a stray wig off...tucking in a wayward shirttail.

Until, he know longer knows what role he is playing...nor what persona he needs to be presenting.


It has truly reached comic proportions. Where is that "rolling on the floor laughing" icon when you need it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yeah. Committed, this sums it up!!!

There's only been really one id that was confusing to me and it's been the topic of this thread that is going absolutely NOWHERE...

But it is wierd.

Reminds me of the guy on Seinfeld...Anybody remember the guy who worked out at the gym with Elaine?

His name was Jimmy and he always talked in third person. Elaine actually thought Jimmy was somebody else and agreed to go out on a date with "Jimmy" because she thought he was the really cute other guy on the treadmill.

This thread is really going nowhere and I am signing off.

Time to take son to chuckie cheese and have some fun..

Good grief ...

My post wasn't intended to incense anyone. My apologies if it did. Being an engineer, I tend to be data driven, and had no ill intention of offending anyone.

Please lets all, myself included, get on with the business of support of the Divorced and Divorcing.

Jo

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

And OMG ... KAM6318?

Do I read 10K some odd MB posts???!!!

You've been busy!

Lv,
Jo

I say....how 'bout we all just leave this thread alone.

It's completely going against anything that MB teaches us. The drama between the two of them is spilling over to all the helpful people here. Why are we letting it?? As you can see, we really have nothing constructive to give them. They don't want it. It's the never ending game of "He said, she said...he did, she did" What good is this doing anyone here? None!

I'm done with it all...too much drama for me! If I want drama, I'll watch Days of Our Lives!! (Gotta see what happens when they catch the serial killer, Marlena! LOL)

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I didn't want to close this and say nothing. It's just beyond any word.

Magnolia