I (F) have a gay male friend that I go to movies with. My H knows about this friend, but usually I tell him that it's a group of 3 going to the movies, including another female. Sometimes this is true, sometimes not.<p>This gay guy has a partner of 10 years duration, who also doesn't much like the same movies my friend does; my H doesn't usually like the kind of movies I do.<p>Is this OK?<p>I ask because my H will never, ever, ever tell me if something's not OK with him, but when he had an emotional affair a few years ago (which he called a "friendship"), he threw in my face every male friend I ever had.<p>So do gay men count as opposite sex friends for women? How about gay women?<p>I'm so confused.....<p>(This is not a troll post, I'm not kidding!)

I have two gay male friends and I DO think it's different from hetro male friends.<p>There is NEVER a chance of an affair with these men, and whether they're currently in a relationship or not doesn't matter - just like a girlfriend.<p>My H has no problem with these friendships, and in a really strange turn, neither did my ex-H.<p>The only caveat, I would think, would be if YOU are attracted to this man, and there is ANY CHANCE of you having an emotional-type-affair in your mind. <p>The gay men I have known (and I worked at a community college where homosexuality was at least somewhat more accepted, so more people were out of the closet - so I've known quite a few men and women) are handsome, take good care of themselves, and chatter up a storm with me, which does fill a need - as friends sometimes do. <p>I guess it's a POJA type thing -- although... I would be loathe to have to POJA same-sex friends... hmmm... <p>I don't like opposite sex friends; although I'm an adult and know that in the real world they do exist (at work, at church, etc.)...<p>I don't see mature gay friends as a problem.

In reference to the post from new_beginning, isn't everthing in a marriage an issue for the POJA? I mean, if it's important to my spouse, it should therefore be important to me. And I guess I would include in that any kind of friend I had, same-sex or opposite-sex.<p>I personally do think that opposite-sex gay friends are still a possible threat to the marriage because of the vulnerability of an EA. I mean, if those friends are meeting really important emotional needs (like conversation) then doesn't that take away from a possible strength the marriage could have?<p>This then brings up the bigger question of what role friends in general play to each spouse, and the effect those friendships have on the marriage. But then I've been accused by my H of his being TOO important in my life, so . . . <p>I'd be interested to hear responses on that issue.

Here's my opinion on this one..Since you stated that you husband is aware of your friendship with this man, I would sugget staying away from telling lies as to who or where you are going. Be honest with you H if you are going solo with this guy, if he objects, invite your H to come along. Because gay man or no gay man, if you get caught. And innocent lie will very quickly turn into a huge mess. Friendships are important, but your marriage should always come first. Good luck to you. Circe [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh, I agree that "everything" is a POJA issue, truly. <p>I guess I just would hate to have my H tell me I couldn't be friends with someone. Now keep in mind, I do NOT believe in opposite sex friendships normally (esp. since my ex-H cheated many times with "friends" he met at work or church, and I had an affair with a "friend" at work at the end of that marriage).<p>My H knows all about my past marriage, and I know about his. Both of us are very careful to discuss **anything** that might get in the way of a healthy, honest marriage.<p>I don't know... I really see my gay male friends like "girl friends" more than guy friends. I think they would agree with that too... maybe I'll ask them! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]