Me again margaret. If this computer screen had hair and arms - I think I would have found my newest bestest friend. So... again...he is not here. He stays away, last night came in at 10:30 - stayed up really late (I saw the light still on), got up this morning at 6 and was gone without a word...again. Tonight I am sure it will be the same. Some of you have said perhaps he is using drugs again, maybe he is seeing someone else already, I just don't know. I went to the Dx today to have hormones checked - a few people (even my counselor) said Dx could check levels and give meds taht would stop mood swings. Mood swings - - the death of my marriage. So I leave the Dx office - he says there is nothing of the like that he can do. He advised - take a new antidepressant. I left squalling so hard. Am I destin to be screwed up with mania all my life - I am 41 and facing the world alone. I am scared.
Why does he avoid me? Am I that bad? He walks on the other side of the house to avoid even looking at me. HE wants me out of the house. This is my home. There is a magnolia tree planted for the death of my mother in Sept. This place holds so much. Oh pity party me! I am sorry to wallow. Just really would like someone to communicate with. SS

SS,

I've followed some of your posts and I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.

It is very important that you think about you. You are not facing the rest of your life alone, it just may be without your H. That doesn't mean that you cannot make yourself a better you.

You should do some searching here for posts by TooMuchCoffeeMan. He has posted a lot of good information that can probably help you.

You should also look into DivorceBusting. The web site and the book. It may not help you get to where you want right now, but it helped me look out for me.

You have to make yourself a better, more desirable person. If not for your H, For you and your future.

Some marriages are not meant to work. Sometimes you need to accept that there may be an A, but always you need to worry about you.

There is a post under Negotiating board by TooMuchCoffee Man about DivorceBusting 180 degrees that I feel you should read. I'll find it and bump it up for you.

If communication is what you want, you can have it here anytime. If you like you can even email me. I don't always have good advice, but I will always have ears just like everyone else here at MB

WIWH