Well it has been approximatley 3 years since I have been divorce. I do not no how long you should wait before getting back into the dating thing. I must confess, that I did wait patiently for my husband to return, but just like the saying goes, if you let something go and it returns it is yours, but if it does not then it was never yours. I can't say that I have completley let go, but I have moved on with my life. That brings me to this. I have meet soemone that I have found myself not only attracted to but, there are things going on with me that I never thought would happened again. <p>But there is one question, that is puzzling. <p>This guy is well groomed, much older, has raised his 2 children and he has been divorced for approximatley 2 months, but separated for 4 years.
He said that he has found me to be very attractive, sweet, gentle, and humble. I have been seeing this guy for approximatley 1 month. And I feel things are moving a little slow. He gives off signs that he wants to be with me and then his action are totally different. I told him up front what I was looking for in a relationship as well as for me. He told me the same thing. I no that I should think a relationship would come over night but we have not been out as of yet. I meet him 12/1 and have seen him approximatly 6x's today. His birthday was this past Friday and I have not heard from him since then until I went to visit him at his church and he called later that night. I planned a nice birthday evening for him and he did'nt show, but I did see him that Tuesday and asked him what he would like for his birthday, he did'nt say much. At that time I told him that I will be doing something nice for him. But I did not even hear from him on that day. <p>Another thing is( I no that they say when a man cannot give you his home number there is something going on with him that he is not telling you). I approach him about that and he gave me a card with his church number and said that he did not need any drama. So I took and left. But the next day he called and asked could he see me I agreed and we talked, but everytime I would bring that up about a home number he totally ignored me. <p>I no that something is wrong with this picture.<p>I want to believe that he is divorced and I want to be fair and honest. But something is not right.<p>SHOULD I CONTINUE TO FIND OUT WHY HE WANT GIVE ME HIS HOME NUMBER? ARE IF HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH?<p>ARE SHOULD I JUST LET THINGS PLAY IT SELF OUT?<p>HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first reaction is that he wants any kind of relationship with you he needs to be upfront, open and honest. I think if you want to have a relationship with him, he should never, from day one, keep anything from you. You wouldn't want to waste another 3 years to find out if he was yours or not. Ask him nicely and suttle again. Tell him that you want a relationship and you would like it to be built on trust and you feel that he is not being totally honest with you and you would like to get a straight answer about the phone number. Maybe he's is divorced or not divorced, but either way; I don't think keeping anything from someone you want to begin a relationship / life with should have loop holes. And, you shouldn't accept this for yourself either; maybe someday down the road he'll keep something else from you because he knows you won't badger him. Be honest with yourself and set a demand -- if he doesn't tell me, then I need to do this... Be rational about it and don't put your feelings into play.<p>This is just my opinion, but I know it's hard to push when you care about someone; that's why you can't put your feelings into play and just be rational.<p>Boy, I wish I could follow my own advice!<p>Good luck!

Thanks so much.
It is not so much of what I feeling. I just don't want any drama. I vowed that I would not have any drama in my life 2002. <p>I will asked again and if he want give me a answer are a phone number. I will let him go. I no that sound harsh, but it's real. I told him that I was looking for a long term relationship and that I was a very open minded person. We could talk about anything. <p>So I left the lines of communication open. I have not heard from him since Sunday. I don't rush are be forceful but I want to keep it real. For a long time I would say okay and be miserable, I don't want another relationship like that. <p>AM I asking for to much???????????

Good Luck and I hope he will open up and tell you why he won't give you the number and then possibly give you the number.

Do you think that he is still like getting over his ex-wife and just taking his time to move on are just afraid of a committment so soon?

That is possible that he hasn't gotten over his ex and maybe he's afraid.<p>When you ask him about the number, ask him if he's afraid. If so, tell him that you respect him and can understand that he may still have feelings and may be lost/afraid, but it's time to move on and you're willing to help him through it but he needs to trust you and he can't start by keeping a simple phone number from you because it's a strong message of untrust that he's sending you. If this is the case, you can then tell him you're willing to wait and won't ask him about the number for a while until he can mend his pain of divorce, but I wouldn't wait too long for him to decide. It's not fair to you, but if you are willing to give him a chance; then wait it out.<p>Good Luck and God Bless!

Thank you so much for listening. I am sorry I am just getting back with you. I have been away for a little while. But the advice that you are giving to me is great. <p>Here is the update, I still hae not heard from since 1/13/02. I still have his birthday card, and his gift. I have sent the gift back because I was upset that he has not call. do not want to be contacting him at his church office. Should I have called and told him that I had his gift are should I just wait and see if he going to call?

Hi, don't say anything about the gift. If you don't want to call the church office then maybe send him a card/note in the mail that says happy birthday and/or I'm thinking of you. If you get no response then maybe that's it??? Although, I myself would need some type of contact before anything has ended. If you get no response with the card, then call him at the church and say hi and see where that takes you. Just my thoughts and opinion.<p>Take Care.

YOu have read my mind. I di not call the church and I did not send the cars. I wrote and letter in detail of what was really on my mind. I told him I can respect if he is taking his time to move on with his life, and I also respect that his has other business at hand. But what I don't understand is why it takes you so long to contact me. The letter was letting him no that I am very attracted to him and would like to get to no him better. But if I am to forceful are seem like I am rushing things then I apolize no harm intended I was just attracted to someone that I wanted to get to no better.<p>I mailed this letter on Tuesday of last week. He should have gotten it by now, but I have not heard from him. And since I have not heard from, I gotten my answer.
Thanks for your comments. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Sorry he hasn't gotten back to you. I wouldn't sit and wait for him, but if he ever does contact you don't cut him off at the pass. Let him say whatever it is he has to say. Maybe someone intercepted the mail. (I'm always hopeful.)<p>In any case, take care and move on. It's not worth waiting and wondering if it could ever be. If it's meant to be, you'll be brought back together.<p>Happy Valentines day.

Thanks so much guess what, Let me give you a update on what has happen since I last posted.<p>Since I posted Jan 28, He did show up. I mailed the letter on Jan 24 and he said that he rec'ved it on the 26th. He came over that evening on Jan 28th and he wanted to talk about the letter but I did not want too. He was in very good spirits and he seemed as though he wanted to be there. He had called serveral times from the church and his cell trying to contact me. But I would not answer the phone for a period of time. I did finally answer and he wanted to see me. We had a very casual conversation, and he finally asked where was his birthday gift and I told him that I was still a little upset because I did not hear from you at all until now. We never did get to the letter. I have seen him twice since that time and I still really don't no what kind of relationship are whatever is going on between us. The last time he came over he did'nt call he just showed up and he watch the game and when the game went off he kept hestating on leaving. It was like he wanted me to say stay the night.<p>I am throughly confused. Like I told him in the letter I just wanted to no if there is anybody else, if you need time or if you are not looking for a relationship just let me no, I want be upset. He has never called as much as he did until he rec'vd that letter. He said he has been officially divorced for 2 months going on 3 months. I want to give him time and I don't want to rush him. But I did let him no in the letter that if I came across to strong I wanted to apolize for that, I was just attracted to a very handsome young man and I wanted to get to no him better. <p>So, as you stated in your last post if it is meant to be then it will be.<p>Thanks
Let me no what you think of this post.<p>PS I have not heard from him since last week [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]