Communication is the key for us. I want to communicate, but I guess I sometimes want to get to the point too fast. She doesn't want to communicate with me. I don't want to be right, just happy. I mean when you have someone else communicating using vulgar language, its hard to stay calm. The counselor said that communication & 'reading minds' is what our problems stem around. This was last year. I did't try to 'control' her. She did whatever she wanted & when she wanted. I'm not looking for pity. I'm trying to be as balanced about this as possible. I want to know how I can talk to her. But the lack of communication is still there. She never told me she was unhappy until that day, out of the blue. We went to a nice restaurant the wekend before, nice evening, next day intimate, etc. All that next week I email her, sending her little love notes etc. We talked on the phone every night. The next weekend, we are intimate & then she tells me. Thats not communication. Thats just working it out on your own. I could tell last year while we lived apart, things seemed ok on the outside, but I knew something was wrong. Who knows what was going on during that time. We emailed each other & called every day. I cam home on the weekends. My emails had smiley faces & "love you" on every one I sent her. She never initiated emails. She said she liked it when she had an email waiting for her in the morning. I wanted to do that for her. But inside I was hurting, b/c it seemed I didn't get it back in return. I believe the cake-eater thing really describes what was going on.

Believe me, I want to change myself to make her happy. But does she(your H) want to do the same for me(you)? I want to learn how to communicate better. The counselor & I thought things were OK when we concluded in mid october. She even told a co-worker that the counseling helped our situation. She said that at the beginning of January. Two weeks later....

I've bought several books on the subject of relationships. I got DrPhils book way back in April, after we started going to couseling in march. I read it, she didn't have time to with work & class. I don't think it would have mattered anyway if we did the exercises. We did do some the counselor recommended. To her these new friends were the thing she needed. She let them provide EN's that I didn't even know she wanted. I couldn't compete with them.

Check your e-mail.

Sorry I can't check it while at work. Check your email, I've sent you my work email address.

gotcha

The W missed 45 minutes of her session with the counselor yesterday. She said he was helpful. Whatever that means. I thought about talking to her in person this weekend, realy finding out what she wants & what would make her happy. Getting that notebook she has written in is going to be painful, but its how she feels.