Hey-ya Peachy, gotta come out of lurkdom on this one!

The J guy, what a piece of work he is!!!

Wanted to comment on this also:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway, I was editor of my hs newspaper and our sponsor always said "consider the source". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, yep and another yep! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OT: Last Sunday my ex delivered items to my daugher-in-law which was court ordered B]FIVE YEARS AGO[/B] to give to ME. I think he MIGHT get that the games are done and it's time to move on. Some ex's can be s-l-o-w creatures can't they?

(((((HUGS PEACHY)))))

Peachy, I too have little sympathy for people who grumble about their self-chosen path. The new Mrs. Jethro, if she had any sense, would leave him NOW, or maybe right after she can claim alimony.

Only bit I would tend to question is the history. Are you sure he was this wonderful person? From what you’ve said about him and from his diagnosis, I would suspect it was all a LIE.

Jethro is not in “The fog.” Unfortunately, Jethro is being true to himself. And a very nasty destructive scary self that is. Not to mention plain stupid. Unless he wanted to hurt all the women who are or have been in his life, which seems likely.

I admit to finding Jethro’s antic amusing, but then I have a dark sense of humor. I thought “How to Get Ahead in Advertising” was hilarious. It’s about an ad man who gets a boil and the boil develops a face and starts talking.

Peachy,
I have to agree with Carlajo's post as well as with some others here. But before you get angry let me say that I also think that you are selling yourself w-a-y short with this whole Jethro deal. For one, you seem to have many blessings in your life. You are young, healthy, attractive, educated, bright and articulate. Just to name a few. Yet, I believe that if given the opportunity that you would go back to Jethro even now. Why? Well, the other day you wrote about going somewhere with a friend with a little boy. This friend was getting married to the child's father after 6 years and you implied in your tone that you wished the same but alas ... Jethro has someone else preggo so that probably won't happen. I have to ask why you would even entertain the idea of going back to someone who devalues you so. That may be worth exploring regarding your self-esteem. Also, you hold on irrationally to your anger. Sure Jethro is @#it, he @#it on you, he'll @#it on his new wife, he'll @#it on anyone that doesn't futher or support his own fragil self-esteem. But why does that matter to you now? You ane he are over. Also, his current wife came about after HE had decided you two were over. If she didn't exist, he would not be with you now. I can understand your jealousy of her but your marriage demise and subsuquent life is not in her power or control so why do you give that control away so feely to them. That is what you do when you get angry at them ... you give them your very life to control. You also pick strange battles. You did not get too upset over her leaving a mark from a too hard spanking on your son yet you continually called over and over on about Hummer payment. That is not normal. It is normal to rage at inappropriate discipline of your child and handle the Hummer payment responsibly on your on. I know you said you've been in treatment. I would guess that Carlajo, like myself, is involved in the mental health field. I have a masters degree and am a LCSW in practice. I would strongly suggest that you seek appropriate treatment for yourself and your child's sake. This festering and self-absorbtion is unhealthy. You appear to honestly care about your son. I encourage you to do it for him. My field is child psychology and you are doing irreparable harm to him whether you intend or not. Wait ... I know you are going to say it is Jethro doing the damage and you are right .. he is but again ... you only have power over yourself! And would it make it right for you to harm him even if your ex was? NO, you have YOUR responsiblity and if your son can not have both parents putting ALL of their effort into making his life healthy then at least you have the power to make sure ONE of them does ... YOU> I think love him and want him to one day be able to carry on healthy relationships and find real, strong, good for you love. Otherwise, unless you stop this cycle now, it will repeat with him. Do you want him to suffer the same heart breaks that you have? Do you want him to be as shallow and self-centered as his father and hurt other people that he claims to love? Never knowing exactly why he does it? Children repeat their parents mistakes to make some sense of them. To try to understand what the heck happened in their family of origin. I don't think so, I think you want him to know real love. I wish you luck.

Uh...

She was (FV) sleeping with him while we were still under same roof and that was confirmed since Oct. of last year...found that one out as well..But she wasn't only other OW...

And I do appreciate your words...I too have minor in psych.

This whole darn post is again getting to be not about issue I originally wanted it to be about.

My point made was that the FWS, especially ones who were involved in adultery, if they don't change will keep on doing same stuff to others in their lives.

I merely READ the email sent to me and did not respond to it. I was just shocked but not surprised that he was still in contact with the OW who initially was most visible...And FV was the woman third down on the list...It's sad but she knew all about Monkey and that whole deal..and she still was there to be available to him. I had filed and basically said you two can have him...In fact, there might have even been a third as my sister suspected right in my own former subdivision...

I was trying to show a bit of irony and let those who have gone through this know that the grass isn't greener on their side...And once again somebody (we know who) comes outta the woodwork to start up a bit of controversy when there isn't any...I took offense at her words to me as I can not say that I've ever called anybody here dangerous, revengeful, or any of the darn names she's unfoundedly called me and it's not about that...Again, spending my time explaining why I don't want to post a certain person here or have that person post to me...I took it up with the moderator and let her know my thoughts on this as it is something that doesn't need further discussion.

But good news...today son went to Jethro's and found out he was out of town...Jethro called and said that his mother and grandmother were there and staying at the house...I believe the voicemail (again I didn't speak to him directly) was to assure me that son was NOT alone with FV at the house and that he was supervised by MIL who'd not take kindly to anybody being unusually hard with regard to discipline on their grandson..Sure, she takes up for her son Jethro, but I understand the situation she was placed in and it's not been easy for her or his dad...Sure they've encouraged Jethro's behavior, but they would without a doubt not put up with any of FV doing what she did last week. So I am good about that..Jethro did say in vmail that if I had any concerns or was worried I could call his mom directly and that I should relax and just not worry about my son and that he would have a good visit with him..Doesn't mean I will be any less vigilant, but can breathe a little and feel a bit better about his going over to Jethro's house for visitation.

And believe it or not, I don't want this child of FV and JEthro to go through what my child did at a young age. I don't wish that on anybody. And CarlaJo, I truly do appreciate your comments and it's sad about things...but when you have to go thru stuff like this everybody does get hurt...but I keep a child psych nearby and even phoned him last week about the FV spaning incident...got his input and did what he and attorneys suggested me do...son is btw doing very well.

Yea, I post vent and am sarcastic at times but that is my way of venting through this stuff. Personally I do feel sorry for FV although I know she fully was aware what she was getting into...What alot of people don't here know is she WAS sleeping with my x when we were together along with Monkeyho...Dday with FV didn't occur for a few months after we'd separated but it'd been going on for some time by that point..And within DAYS of Monkeyho breaking up with Jethro she moved in with Jethro (FV that is). So its a web I am grateful to get out of..

There is a sweet guy who posted on another thread about being upset b/c he saw his stbxw with her OM and it made him feel strange..What I had replied to him was the same reason I started this thread...no need to prolong the hurt. Realize it for what it is and see that the same thing might very well happen to the OP and your x. Why would anybody who's lying and cheating in a clandestine relationship hiding from the whole world initially be up front and honest completely with their partner in crime???That just takes a bit of logic.

If say I were married and looked outside my marriage for companionship b/c of whatever justification, my partner would have to be dumb or be completely aware of fact I was married..They'd have to go along with the lie. And even if I got a d from my spouse and hid the fact from whole world about OP, there would still be a foundation of lies in this relationship. That's what happens much of the time and what happened with my x is classic. Sad but true.

And I don't believe that it will end with FV either..I wish for that unborn child that he'd change and try to work towards becoming that person he so hard pretended to be and wanted to be...but for whatever reason couldn't be.

But still it doesn't take away what he did to THIS family and THIS MARRIAGE..Maybe alot here think I have a whole lot of contact with him, but I really don't. I have tried to merely when communicating with him to be civil and proactive about issues regarding our child and that's been the extent of it until he started back again prying and attempting to gain more stuff/access. And yea, when the FV spanking incident happened, as a responsible parent I had to discuss it with him b/c he DESERVED to know. It would have been wrong of me to go first to attorneys or to police without informing the father of my child about the actions of his new wife while he was away. I contacted him about thirty minutes after placing calls and emails to attorney and to the PHD nearby I've used for my son...after hearing their opinions quickly, let Jethro know what was up, what was done and then let him take it from there. That was it.

Anyway back to the whole reason I started this post/thread...

For those who are beginning down this path and have experienced the pain that's adultery, see that you will get through it. You will go through about every emotion known to mankind basically. But if you keep your wits about you and learn where and when to let the emotions fly, you will be doing well. Try to use your brain when dealing with things and remember that the reality of the affair you're dealing with isn't as rosy as you'd like it to be...

I firmly believe the Harley's and their principle that once the affair hits light of day things die down...and I believe (but this is only MY opinion and I might be wrong so take it as an opinion and only that)that for some here that their WS or xWS and the OP once they have the "validation" for their affair after the divorce has happened and dust settled, real life will be the issue that will end their relationship. It's based on lies and a fantasy that isn't the way a real and whole relationship exists. I could think of nothing less romantic or glamorous than morning breath or doing about seven loads of laundry, mopping the floor, cutting the grass, or taking out the trash,or the ultimate visual love buster for me...walking into the bathroom and seeing x on the toilet reading the paper...eeeek! I'd say that would curb any fantasy. And that's probably what has happened with my xh and his brand spanking (sorry for the pun here...)new wife..she was OW and wasn't the OW he would have chosen btw...and she "forgot how" to take the pill and deliberately got preggo so she trapped him...all the while he missed his family and OW1, da monkey.

I now completely understand why Jethro has been so angry and so mean to me. He is really unhappy but that's his life and I don't want any part of it except for the .01 percent that involves being a co parent for the sake of my child, who is my 100 percent committment.

Anybody get snow? We got about two and a half inches here in N. Atlanta ( i almost live on forsyth co. line/fulton co. line)...everything is shut down here.

And this is funny...wasn't so funny to me until I got home and realized that I got up early and have rest of day to do stuff...

Woke up at five am b/c of the predicted winter weather..Left for work forty five minutes early b/c of snow. Got to work 30 min. early.

Notice parking lot is completely deserted..they have my cell and home numbers btw..My friend Melanie the exercise physiologist drives up and parks beside me. Apparently she's confused too. Then shortly after two patients drive up...they were scheduled to see ME btw..so they see me and walk over to my vehicle..ask "hey aren't I having my test today?" I tell them that I have not been informed we were closed but that it looked this way...called the nuclear pharmacy on cell and found out that they were told thirty minutes earlier from practice manager that we were CLOSED. I walk over to where the patients are parked and kindly tell them that they will have to reschedule b/c of inclement weather and that office is closed..

I HAVE TO DRIVE BACK HOME AND IT TAKES ME OVER TWO HOURS TO DRIVE THIS MORNING FOR NOTHING...But I am salaried and this is ok I guess... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Also renee...I am a health professional and did seek appropriate measures regarding my son and what I discovered.

And I do have a counselor and she's not actively treating me now as SHE DOES know 100 percent of what happened and thinks I am doing great...I spoke with her briefly maybe 20 min. a few weeks ago and she set me straight about a few issues..

But it's been confirmed also BY LCSW, PHD AND M.S. in Psych that I am PERFECTLY FINE. Sure I say stuff but it's not when son is around or I have vented here so that is a moot issue. What is my concern and I more than love my son...is that he is going to do as well as he can considering what his dad did. And I am responsible for me and am responsible period. The PHD who has seen my son on several occasions now (twice) said he thought my son and I had a great relationship and that he's adjusting as good as any child possibly could to this upheaval in his life.

I don't post about that as my feelings with regard to my health/psychological status is to me almost part of a medical history and I guard my history and that of my son and patients as it's supposed to be private.

So if you guys wonder or think something just becuase I don't expand enough on something...maybe it's because it is something too private for me. And I don't post here about everything else in my life either. There are other things that are private.

And Renee..I understand that even my counselor reads here and she has told me that she doesn't post here but it's "a great ground for being a learning tool".

And I do very very much value your words and your ideas. I just want some people to understand with regard to me that when I write I get it off of my chest and don't take it to other areas of my life. Kinda like the new Vegas commercial..."What happens here..Stays here."

I am not politically correct. I sometimes laugh at stuff that others would not. I love irony (hence my love for Seinfeld) and can say that I haven't laughed as much until the last month or so. When big big stuff comes my way, I've learned to turn off the emotions and use the cabeza and think my way through them.

Like my clinical instructor told me in college.."when a crisis happens, do what is required of you and only think about that. If you are upset by it or need to cry or get it out, do it AFTER YOU'VE SOLVED THE PROBLEM is solved AND THE CRISIS HAS PASSED." Her tactic was "focus. solve.heal."

Peachy,
We post because we care about you and DS, and see self-destructive behavior in your posts. Last post seemed more reflective.
Again, refocus your life away from J.

Re: MIL watching son. The "right of first refusal" is written into my custody agreement. If one parent is unable to care for the kids during their PT, they must first ask the other parent (if > 2 hours). J didn't do this. He did what my X did, assume his parent's are substitutes for him. They are not, you should have been called.

Stay strong, and stop getting sucked in. Perhaps you can discuss the responses to this thread with your counselor!!