Hello MB crew,

I am fighting with a decision on weather or not to file against my ex for child support and was hoping for some insight.
First perhaps some backround Info? ex H and I were married for 14 yrs. /together for 18. During the last 2-3 yrs, He developed a seriouse drug problem and it ultimately became the end to our marriage.Been on my own w/ our 13 yr old daughter for over a year and After one and a half yrs. of Custody battles, his fleeing the state w/ our other( 15 yr old) daughter, Numerous DSS involvment and much determination, I now have Custody of Both our Daughters.
My delema is this, He continues to use drugs and is living at his mom's house while working under the table. I work my but off to make ends meat(w/ no support from him) & it has been enough to support one child. But now that i have the two of them, i am feeling the pressure of financial insecurity.
Now, I still have compassion for him and his drug addiction problem, but i can't help but think i should apply for child support.He is extremely abusive. Whenever i attempt to assert myself w/him, he threatens my life and becomes abusive again and i do not want to be the "bad guy" here..he would probably end up in jail over this. Also, i am no longer eligable for legal aid..and cannot afford a lawyer.
If anyone has any advice to offer......i welcome the insight...thanks

To me, it sounds like it would be a waste of time and energy, plus you will give him an excuse to be angry about.

He is probably not going to pay you cs whether it is court ordered or not. You said he is paid under the table, so his wages can't be taken directly from his paycheck.

You said he is still using so will probably end up in jail, again there will no way for him to support your kids.

If he is ordered to pay, and doesn't pay, what then?? You will have resentment and could possibly become bitter. These emotions won't benefit your kids either.

Can you move in with your parents to ease your financial problems?

I just don't see any positives in seeking cs. Why get yourself upset about something you probably won't receive anyway.

FFP,

My ex sounds a lot like yours. However, I did file for child support before our divorce was final. It's ordered but that doesn't mean he pays it. I get bitter sometimes, but not too often. The thing is, he will always owe me no matter what. It will never go away. Plus interest adds up. And in my state, they only put them in jail if you keep fighting for it. (I don't, it would be too much of a hassle) I did it hoping he would eventually help support his sons. If he does, fine. If he doesn't, that's fine too.

It's his obligation to help raise his daughters. And it's your right to receive this help.

Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for you and your daughters!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 05, 2004, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: KitG ]</small>

I think this is a no brainer - no one who is capable of working should be allowed to get away without paying child support. In my state, a certain minimum amount of child support has to be paid even if you have no income at all. So what if he ends up in jail -why is that a bad thing? If he were in jail, you wouldn't have to worry about his abusiveness or potential kidnapping. It would even make it slightly more difficult for him to obtain drugs.

However, if you left him for another man, that would be another matter.

RWD ~ thank you for your post...

And yes, i agree, trying for cs at this point would only cause him to be angry again...and it has been so peaceful without that.Yet it still leaves me to worry about my finances.

As far as jail goes, he is already in the system (part time home aresst or something like it) and scoffs at the law, claiming he can get away with anything w/ a good lawyer (and so far he has proven that to be true)

I really don't want to be bitter here. I want my daughters to someday recover from the trauma they have experienced. Just want to work towards peaceful recovery here.

My parents are out of state, moving in w/ them is not an option. and i have become quite used to being un-dependant.but thank you ..that was good advice that i hadn't thought of!

Mt bf has suggested my applying for public assistance. I am actually considering it...they might even go after him for the support...making them the bad guy..and not me? I was just hoping to avoid that route if i could

Mitzi :
Thanks! It is refreshing to know that i am not alone in this crap! You make an interesting point about the cs. I am wondering, what's the use in filing if i may not get any money anyways? That will leave me still stuck w/extra financial obligations....no? I was thinking of calling and "nicely" asking for some cs....not sure if that will rock the boat also..

Kitg:

No..i do not have money for an attny., and since i used legal aid for the divorce, i am not eligable for it now. And you are right, he probably won't pay either way! cs wasn't ordered at the divorce because at the time, we each had custody of a child...and get this, since i made more than him(on a count of his addiction) He was threating to go after ME for support!!!! UGH!

DSS monitors his visitations(yes he still has the right to see his kids even though he doesn't pay support) Their goal is to keep families together apparently...

Nellie:

I AGREE ! he should be paying me support! My main fear here is if i might be opening a big can of worms & creating chaos in mine and my daughters lives (it has been so long now without it..and i live a life free of fear) I woulf hate for something tragic to come of this....i am asking myself is the money really worth it?

Another man? OMG no, i left my H because he has an addiction to crack/coocain , spent our savings, almost lost our house, became abusive to my D's and myself ...what an interesting statement? (where did it come from?)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> public assistance </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Definitely pursue this, that's what it is for.
Subsidized housing can help you get back on your feet financially.
You don't need a lawyer to file for CS, just complete the paperwork in your CS office. And why file? Because someday he may be able to pay, and anything you can collect from him will benefit your children.

Good Luck.

My g/f's x has never paid his court ordered cs in the 5 yrs they have been divorced. She figure's he owes her $11000.

He lost his dr's license for awhile and she left him get it back when he claimed he wasn't taking a pay check because his business was doing poorly. She agreed to take somethinh like $25-50/week instead of $400/month.

He did file for a reduction in cs since she is now making more money. So she jumped thru all types of hoops getting domcumentation on how much she earned. HE never showed up for the hearing and they thru the case out due to lack of documentation on his part.

She found out later that he never filled out the paper work because they ask for tax returns and he hasn't turned any in for 3-4 yrs. So I imagine he will eventually file bankrupcy although I understand this doesn't matter for cs.

In my state you don't need a lawyer to file for cs. I was seeking increase in my cs and contacted the county board and filled out the papers documenting my income and they sent my x papers for her to doceument her income. I won an increase based upon her income growing and my remaining the same.

But she took me to court, so I had to hire a lawyer and ended up settling for less because she was now taking the kids more and my lawyer indicated I could end up paying her cs.

Its a tough call. Maybe he will straighten out his life some day and be willing to pay. Right now, to me, it doesn't seem worth the aggravation that it could generate.