Nope, you didn't read wrong, 2 OW, 2 OC. Hence my nic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm really okay, and I don't want to hijack this thread or make it about me. I expect my time to heal will be somewhat long, I went thru a lot of crap.

And so you see, when I read that the WS's don't remember their former marriage or any circumstances, it just seems so unfair. But hey, that's the past, right?

Lv,
Jo

I understand the pain of going to gyno and asking my doc, who was a very good friend of mine to "test me for every std known to man". Very embarassing but he said to "divorce the scumbag"...

Incidentally, knew my doc three years before my xh...so he knew my character before, during and now.

About the quicksand...You REALLY need to have me explain that concept? Your foundation of your M is one fat huge honking lie...Lie. Say it with me now and slowly so it sinks into the foggy brains here...A LIE.

And sure, you'll tell lies to your new friends, to those who don't know...but those who do know will have their opinions and probably do as my xh's business partner and wife do...Smile to your face but shake their heads as soon as you turn your back.

I would assume you're here...so you can AFFAIRPROOF an Affair Spawned Marriage?

I think it would have been much much nicer to expend such energy on your previous marriage and family before jumping into something else. That's just smart.

I am not insulting anybody here, just saying the real truth of what it is...adultery isn't pretty and is a SIN. Yea, I said it. It used to be unlawful as well.

Also agreement with the previous posters who said it's best to be in the shoes of the BS...Less crapola to deal with..

I just LOVED this afternoon. Got off work early, went to have a jog, went to pick up son still 2 hours earlier than usual. At son's school, his principal lives in same subdivision with xh and wistress...She along with one of the other prek teachers see me and say "wow.,..you sure are getting in great shape..you look good"...I feel good too. Yep. The whole Plan A for myself has worked. I feel better, look better and am a better and stronger person..is my xh? Far from it.

Idon't think that it is the WS that forgets some of the M dynamics that occurred. I did as well. I had forgotten alot of the abuse and crud I endured...think the remarriage of my xh to her made me remember mine or something over these last few weeks...but today I heard song on radio that made me remember why I filed in the first place..."Never Again" by Nickelback.

I am finding as time goes on, I forget more and more about him b/c he just did "too much". Too much and worked too damn hard to earn the divorce.

If the remarried WS' here who married the OP put 1/2 the energy of going to counseling or MB principles or actually TRIED instead of throwing all their energies into the OP, then I seriously doubt they'd be here lurking around the d/d forum reading the thoughts of the recently divorced...primarily the recently divorced due to the tragedy and selfishness that IS THE HALLMARK OF ADULTERY.

And TheFeminineSide,

Thank you for your kind words. And, I'll look up that book "Coming Apart". Reading helps me a lot.

Very Best,
Jo

Jo,
Can't tell you how much I admire you! Of course it's going to take you a lot more time to put all this crap into perspective. I only went through an affair. Sure, my then H married the OW only months after we were divorced, but that is NOTHING compared to what you have gone through!! You know I remember thinking I'd never, ever, get over my Ex. Well never was very short lived! When you come out of this, you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in the guy!! He sounds like a piece of work. Wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy.

JP,
If I had had and internet board when I was a BS, I'd probably sound a lot like you. Unfortunately, all that anger you lash out is only hurting you dear. It took me a L-O-N-G time to acknowledge that some marriages that begin as affairs DO WORK OUT. Some are even very happy together. I have not one, but several marriages in my own family (very large family) that began as affairs. Also know three couples (long time now) who have not hidden the fact they started out as an affair. Told then H and I very casually during relationship discussions. The one couple seems shakey to me and not very trustful. The other two look to be perfect matches. The ONLY reason I am sharing this with you is to highlight that they do exist. You will be better off accepting the fact that your Ex might stay with his now W forever. You don't know what is going to happen with them. Further, you have to stop obsessing about it and analyzing it to death. Make yourself stop thinking about him and it (their marriage) whenever it creeps into you head. Get a rubberband and put on your wrist and snap it when you think about them. It works! Made me stop obsessing!

Everyone have a fantastic weekend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I actually use the rubber band and it's worked pretty darn good.

I don't really focus on it..but...the M isn't going to last b/c other OW is back on scene and they're hot and heavy again.

There's another gal here who's been virtually on same plane as me for last three years and our timetables are almost exact...

Jacky? Oh Jacky?

Her x waited a few days longer than mine to remarry and thank heavens...he has not yet decided to procreate with CC...

She has some interesting insight on the marriages after A's...her xh asked her to reconcile and immediatley after she shut the door, he married OW..

I just don't believe affair marriages will work for the most part. Sure, there are always statistical dark horses you can't factor into the equation...A few will last. But at what cost? I bet that even in the ones that survive they will forever be sneaking or looking over their shoulders or harboring guilt and self resentment for their actions. I just don't find it a way to begin a truly "healthy" relationship.

If you want to end something first then do so. Don't end something because the grass is a little greener across the street. If it were me, and i were truly unhappy being M'd, then I'd go to counseling, work the MB program, and then if all failed, then I would end. But not after trying. And if i did end it, it would only be to one day have a brighter future.

If my x had done this, we probably could be on speaking terms now and I would probably go to have coffee with the w now. Funny, but I am good friends with all my x bf's from college...Even went out with the last one I had recently btw. Guess I learned early that you treat others as you wish to be treated. Simple as that.

People have to be honest. I mean, who in the world would want a friendship with somebody who lied, cheated, and stole their marriages, time with their kids, and probably hard earned assets? Nobody would. And so many x's think we should erase our short term memories and just embrace their selfishness and "move on". Sure, we'll move on...but without any interaction with the x except for the ones who are co parents like myself who have to bite their tongue and deal with that for their kids' sake... That's the real truth. We can be all P.C. about things and say what somebody "should" do and what is "healthy" to do and how we should interact well as co parents but I swear...everytime I hear my xh's voice or see him, my stomach lurches and I feel sick. I really do. It's a complete aversion reaction and it's not going away.

Resilient I am sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I don't get on here much. You asked how long I was married to my first husband. It was 10 years so I've been seperated/divorced from him almost just as long. That is true...there is a lot I don't really remember about my life then. I guess it's because I'm a much happier person then I was 10-20 years ago. And it's not all to do with whom I'm married to etc..it's everything. I'm older and at a more established time in my life. My kids are both teens now. Obviously because of that I have more free time then I did during my first marriage. I also enjoy the kids more older then I did when they were real little. I guess I don't have a ton of fond memories during my first marriage so there isn't a lot to remember. What I do know is that from day one I put more effort into my second marriage then I ever did my first. Some of that was due to being older and not wanting to ever go through another failed marriage. Some of it had to do with the type of man my second husband was/is compared to my ex. As for comments regarding step mom's....specifically some of Nellie's comments...believe it or not there are more step mom's like she deals with then you'd ever imagine. My ex's wife is a total nut. So much so that my kids can hardly stand going over there and rarely do now. She did and does things that would make your hair stand up. At first I thought she acted like that out of fear of the ex and I talking but after years she isn't any better. I guess as a step parent I don't understand how you can really love your husband and yet treat his children poorly. Do they remind you of the ex? Oh I don't know about that. If they do, so what? My step daughter looks exactly like her mother. Isn't that to be expected considering she IS her mother?? Now I'm starting to babble.....

I think my x's new W/OW can't help but see me when looking at my son. He looks exactly like me and not much like my x. My xh has dark hair and son has blonde hair, blue eyes, and my face exactly. He looks like the odd ball out when with that group...All dark hair (hers streaky and dark). Plus son is confused by her presence and probably isn't the nicest to her...he wishes she'd just "go away" as he said to me time and again and wants her son to "go back to his own home".

She emailed me from xh's address and thought I didn't or wouldn't notice if she immediately thereafter sent another email from her address...both of which are AOL accounts. She's lookin' over that shoulder of hers and rightly so. He's got himself another OW...who knows where this will end but I believe end is in sight for FV..I think x married her to give the baby a proper last name.