Hi WIWH,
First of all thank you for the education you gave me on the Love Bank. I too find myself in a perilous situation financially with my W who moved back to Canada and has told me she is never coming back to the marriage. (she also says she likes having me around when I visit her every 2-3 weeks). Anyway she has a leased vehicle (in my name) that she refuses to pay for. She felt I took advantage of her financially during our 1-1/2 yrs together when I became unemployed and had to rely on her to pay our bills. Our interactions are fine until it comes to settling finances where the "negotiation" turns into her demand for getting every penny back she put into paying all our bills. The ensueing conversation goes South immediately whereby she usually hangs up the phone and I end up calling her back to try and settle her down. I find the tightrope walk between making deposits into her LB, staying away from Love Buster conversations, and avoiding withdrawals from her LB AT ALL COSTS to be very very difficult. Right now I am in default for her car lease, her insurance is also due and she refuses to pay one more dime, yet she contunues to drive the vehicle. I'm just lost! But I feel your frustration a ton!

Hi WIWH,
First of all thank you for the education you gave me on the Love Bank. I too find myself in a perilous situation financially with my W who moved back to Canada and has told me she is never coming back to the marriage. (she also says she likes having me around when I visit her every 2-3 weeks). Anyway she has a leased vehicle (in my name) that she refuses to pay for. She felt I took advantage of her financially during our 1-1/2 yrs together when I became unemployed and had to rely on her to pay our bills. Our interactions are fine until it comes to settling finances where the "negotiation" turns into her demand for getting every penny back she put into paying all our bills. The ensueing conversation goes South immediately whereby she usually hangs up the phone and I end up calling her back to try and settle her down. I find the tightrope walk between making deposits into her LB, staying away from Love Buster conversations, and avoiding withdrawals from her LB AT ALL COSTS to be very very difficult. Right now I am in default for her car lease, her insurance is also due and she refuses to pay one more dime, yet she contunues to drive the vehicle. I'm just lost! But I feel your frustration a ton!

Yikes my post was posted 6 times!!!! Sorry, ut wasn't me folks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> (

Yikes my post was posted 6 times!!!! Sorry, it wasn't me folks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> (

RSUPP,

I thought you were just repeating yourself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You need to get hold of that car and get yourself out of that lease.

Bills that she paid while you were married were not paid with her money.

You were married. It's not really "whats mine is mine, whats yours is ours"

You need to do a lot of hard work on Plan A

I recomend you start a new thread of your own with exactly what you posted here. You'll get lots of input and you won't even need to post it 6 times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

To all of you. Things get even more interesting. I am starting to walk on egg shells down the path you all keep telling me to.

I am looking for a lawyer before I do anything and here is why.

I spoke to STBXW. She still insisted that she would not agree to anything with me regarding my direct deposit. She said that the time for this is not appropriate.

We have an appointment to see a mediator in 2 weeks. so I called her back and said that I was willing to wait to talk about it with the mediator before I made any changes as long as she went to the bank and got me some cash so I had money redilly available to me. She said ok and we talked a little.

Near the end of our talk, she finally admitted that she went to a lawyer for a consultation and the lawyer told her that anything I do with changeing my direct deposit, the courts would see as me putting money away out of her reach to prepare for D.

As for the ideas of her not really wanting a D but only wanting changes, if that is the case, she doesn't even know it yet.

Next she tells me that the faster we come to agreements the faster it will all be over. I asked about the 18 waiting period for a no fault D and she said there are ways around it.

Lawyer and Mediator told her that we could file under "Extreem Cruelty"and there is no waiting period. The rules for "Extreem Cruelty" are real off the wall and the littlest things quallify.

I told her that there is know way that I will accept blame for something that I am not guilty of. She agreed that she would never "Lable" me as something that I am not but was willing to take the blame herself to get it over with

No Way will I specify grounds for D that I don't want. And now way will I ever put any type of lable on her that I have to live with the rest of my life.

Hi again WIWH,
I thought from all the reading that a Plan A/B were for those dealing with Infidelity issues. That is not the case in my separation. Should I still do a plan A anyway?

Plan A and plan B work with or withou infidelity. Look into it and also took into TooMuchCoffeeMans post in the negotiating forum on 180 degrees.

Follow luke parish post if you want proof. He has been given the same advice as you are getting here

Thx WIWH, here's a nice tall cold one for ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> )

RSUPP,

Thanks, I needed that.

Next time I get up north or you get down south a bit, I'll take you up on it.

What part of CT are you in?

WIWH

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 09:18 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

Hey WIWH,
I'm in the Hartford area buddy and send me an email at rsupp_4@hotmail.com and let me know when you're coming. I'll put some cold ones in the cooler and keep the light on for ya.

WIWH, you should get legal opinin on the changing of your direct deposit. However, since you are simply going to deposit you money into another US account, not an annonymous off-shore account, I doubt that this change will negatively affect your case. Judges hate men that hide money from their innocent spouse. But you'd still be providing a paper trail. And really unless you are self-employed, where you puot your income doesn't make a lot of difference.

Why is she in such a hurry?

And you didn't respond directly to the idea that in the past you got your way at her expense. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I filed under "Extreme Cruelty". Since X dragged everything out, we were past the 18 month period and my lawyer told me that we'd go with no fault.
I said "what?" I wanted X to hold responsibility for the emotional abuse. My lawyer advised me that the decree was a legal document open to anyone to read, and that for the best interest of the children - go with no fault.

I do know a mediator in Somerset Cty, but I'd need to look up her name. An Indian woman who took her stepdaughter to our Raibows classes, and ended up substituting for the pastor to counsel the parents. She had great insight and advice.

Take CAre.

GG
I agree. I don't see how it can be wrong for me to have money deposited into another bank account. Just because it is in my name only, doesn't mean that I am hiding anything. In fact, I'm trying to get STBXW to work with me on a fair division.

Newly,
My STBXW does not seem to realize the public record idea. She says that no one but us need to know the actual details.

If it would ever come up for any reaon, someone could easily say "well I see you were divorced for Extreme cruelty"

Again, I refuse to set the grounds on a D that I don't want, even if she is willing to take the blame just to get it over with.