I had started to post in Resolving Conflict, then deleted it last night. But recieved an email this morning from wife saying that it was over. She wants to divorce. While I had been expecting this, it of course does hurt quite a bit. She is happy in her new seperate life, and feels she cannot give me the chance to be a better husband. She cannot believe anything I tell her about not wanting to cheat or trying to better myself. While I can understand her feelings, I had always hoped for that chance to redeem myself and make our lives together happy.
She has been gone 2 1/2 months, enough time she feels to make her decision. I had asked for and recieved agreement for a one year time frame on making any permanent decicions, but she feels she has had enough time. I cannot see myself trying to change her mind as she will not believe I am capable of change, or of not cheating on her. I had no interest in cheating, but she feels differently. (Happened once 4 years ago) I don't know what else to do, if we can't talk, we can't fix anything. So, I guess I will just let her go, nothing else I can do. I cannot make her love me or trust me again. Very saddened by this, but not really surprised.

Itsmylife

I was wondering if you were going to repost.

I know how you feel. Things don't seem to be able to get better if only one wants them to.

But things can get better for you and that is all you need to worry about.

I think my W made the decision before we ever even seperated but just didn't have the nerve to say it.

I have been trying my best to be concerned with what I am going to do with and for me and it helps. Thinking back to what needs of mine that W never met and never will also helps.

I see that you had interest in the 180 list. I don't know if it has been any help but I can tell you something that may be.

The book Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner davis. I taught me a lot on how to pay more attention to me and make a better person out of my self. Part of this book is the basis for the 180 list.

It may not be too late for you. Read the recent post by Luke Parish in this forum. Gives posotive out look to those of us that are still where he was not long ago.

Funny thing is, I think she read that post before I deleted it, and that is why she sent that email. I had asked her to tell me to my face if she was going to divorce me, but can understand her not being able to do this. She knows about this site, and has disagreements with Harley's techniques, being a counselor herself.
I am not going to fight her anymore. I am tired of trying to make her believe me. I know I am telling the truth when I say I can be trusted, and that I can stop the LBs and meet her emotional needs. And that is what really matters, that I know I am truthful.
If she is happy in her new life, then I am happy for her. I wish her nothing but happiness, even if she is not with me. I love her with all my heart, so I will let her go. Some time in the future, she may realize that I have been honest with her, and how much she really means to me.
I will always love her, and the 25 years we spent together will always be with me.