Hi, this is my first time posting here, and would really appreciate some help. My hubby and I used to be friends with another couple, a woman I work with and her husband. Well, a few months ago, we went out to a club for my b-day, and had a lot to drink. After leaving the club, the other couple wanted to come over to our house. When they came over, they brought up the idea of swapping. I was so startled and didn't really know how to react. I did not want to, but her husband kept telling my husband that he could have sex with this mans wife and it would be okay, they would still be friends afterwards just like nothing happened, and after a while my husband agreed. Well, I just was not into this at all. I kept saying that I didn't think it was a good idea, and finally I said I was sick and went into the bathroom. Well, my friend(?) came in and started talking to me and asked me if my reasoning was that afterwards my husband would still think of her, and thinking that she would understand, I said yes, and that I just could not conceive of my husband having sex with anyone else but me. Well, that did not stop them from trying. Looking back, I should have just kicked them out immediately, but I was very drunk. Anyways, we ended up not doing it, but it was because I said no. I now cannot get over the fact that first of all, this woman who was supposed to be my friend wanted to have sex with my man, don't know if it was her or her husbands idea. Also the fact that my husband was willing to have sex with her, and let me have sex with her husband!! My husband has apologized profusely, and I believe that he really is sorry, because he called her (totally without telling me) and told her that he can't believe that they tried to persuade us to do this, and that he thought she was trash, and that her and her husband should have brought this up when we were in a sober frame of mind, he felt he'd been duped, also, he has been doing everything to make up for this. I am still mad and hurt four months later, how do I handle this? Please reply, I need the help! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Delicia,<p>If you post this in Emotional Needs forum, you will probably get more responses.

Delicia,
Let me tell you from personal experience...TALK OPENLY WITH YOUR H about how you are feeling. My S and I actually went through with it years ago. Same exact scenario. Well, it almost broke us up then and I apologized profusly to my wife too, but I felt disgusted at the fact that it even happened. Here's the big thing. If you don't talk to you H about this, it will haunt you for years to come. I am in my current position because of this terrible thing we did years ago and my W did not talk to me about it. Among other things. So, the best advice I can give you is to get it all out in the open and be brutally honest with him. I tell you this out of love, because I am the BS now and wish it had never happened, but I can't go back and change it. But after 4 years, WS still has hard feelings about it. You are one step better than we were, he didn't go through with it...That's wonderful! Praise him for loving you so much not to. And forgive him for thinking it might be ok to do it. The power of temptation from friends can sometimes get you to do things you do not want to. At last call, he said NO! Remember that and talk to him about it. Truly forgive for the thought and explain to him how you truly feel. I hope everthing works out for you. Good Luck and God Bless!

Hi Exodus 20:14, just a few questions for you. if you don't mind. First of all, I guess the thing that makes me NOT thankful to him is he did NOT say no, the couple left because the husband realized I was not going to do it. My questions to you are, why did you do it? Did you not love your wife enough? Was this woman more attractive at the time than your wife? When did you regret it, during the act? After? I'm just trying to understand what was going through his mind?

Oh, you're going to make me think about it again...that's OK, I'll try to help. First let me say, sorry, I thought he said no after he realized that it bothered you. Well, here goes. <p>My questions to you are, why did you do it?
--Don't know. Though I picked up on W's wants, but was wrong. meaning-though she wanted to. Another thing, young, immature, naive, drunk, STUPID! <p>Did you not love your wife enough?
Oh,NO...I loved my W VERY much. I believe that I was trying to make her happy, therefore showing my love for her...Man I was wrong. <p>Was this woman more attractive at the time than your wife? Definately NOT! She was pretty, but no where close to how beautiful my W is!<p>When did you regret it, during the act? After?
Don't really know exactly, I guess the first though of it was when he touched her first, but it had already started and she was accepting, so I said nothing. Should have though! I found it disgusting for another man to touch my wife! Later that night, my wife and I began problems that went on for months, but we only talked about it for a few days. Big mistake. We never resolved the issues we were having. They just got pushed way down in the bottle. I still regret it 'till this day. <p>I'm just trying to understand what was going through his mind?
What went on in MY mind...I was trying to please my wife, no matter the expense to me! I thought that that's what she wanted. I guess that's another reason NOT to get drunk or do anything while drunk. It impairs your judgement and I judged wrong on what I thought that she wanted. As far as what's in your H's mind? Ask him! Maybe it was some of the same reasons as me?? But my wife not being worthy or not good enough or not loving her enough...NEVER. She was then and always has been everything I ever wanted. I just wish she still felt that way about me. <p>So, there it is. Hope it helps! Ask and Ye shall receive!

Please forgive me, I did not mean to bring back terrible memories for you. My H keeps saying the same thing you said, (weird!,not weird what you said, weird he says the same thing!)he thought that I wanted to, and I don't understand that.If it makes you feel any better, I bet your wife is probably dealing with feelings of guilt also, she could have said no. I do thank God that he gave me the strength to stand up for both of us since H could not. Thank you so much, you have helped a lot. Again, I apologize for bringing back old stuff for you!

D,
That's what we are all here for...each other. I'm glad that I was able to help. It doesn't pain me to remember it anymore...I just regret it. To forgive without forgetting reminds us that we make mistakes and how NOT to make them again. I read a wonderful post on here one night, I wish I could send you to it, but I can't. But it was basically saying that forgiveness is a great thing for YOURSELF. Once you forgive yourself for the feelings or problems you have had, you will be able to accept them and move on with your life and understand how you are feeling and feel better about yourself. I think that's how the story went. I hope things work out with you and your H. God has given me something I never thought I would ever have...Understanding! Without that, I would never have become the person I wanted to be. God Bless and Good Luck!