My wife and I were in a severe crisis and I took her (unwilling) at the time to a Family Dynamics Course titled New Beginnings. The course uses alot of work from Dr. Harley. Anyway we join 13 other couples for this 3 day seminar that was very intense. We bared our souls and made commitments to each other during this to save our marriage by working through our problems and trying to re-establish an inter-dependant and loving relationship. We also decided to follow up what we learned with a "His Needs Her Needs" course. We both discovered alot of things about ourselves and how we interact with each other. Some good and some not so good. We both have a deep committment to God.<p>During the seminar I found that I have some underlying issues with control. After reading some of the articles on this website I have a better understanding of myself. I am exercising all the tools that were provided to me in a positive and constructive way.<p>During the weekend my wife and I talked to each other more than we had in the past 6 months. We enjoyed each others company and the company of others going through similar experiences. We practiced the tools presented as they were presented and avoided love busters...<p>We came home this past Sunday night. Monday evening my wife told me that she had made a decision to drop all ties with the 2 men she had been emotionally involved with and asked me to place her wedding rings back on her finger.<p>Tuesday morning on the way to work she calls and asks if is ok to have lunch with one of them so that she can say some more things to him. She has a car wreck on the way to lunch. I go pick her up and do all the necessary running around etc...<p>She has an appointment to see her psychiatrist at 4 pm and I tell her I love her and I will see her at home. When she arrives at 6:30 she is extremely angry and informs me that her doctor thinks that there is no hope for us, that we can not change, and that she should still leave me. Those were the highlights anyway... This man is supposed to be one of "the best" psychiatrists in our town she says... he can't be wrong... he told her that we were both co-dependant (yes-I read the article here) and that he did not know why. Anyway - after all the damage this doctor caused - my wife has reverted to the way she was before we went to the seminar.<p>I am totally at a loss. I would like to go strangle this guy. I met him one time when my wife first started with him over a year ago. Everytime she sees him she comes back with a new comment about how I am from him. I really don't know what to do at this point except try to continue down the path I started, alone if necessary.

Joel,<p>I went through this weekend with you. I'm the one married to a musician =) I'm so sorry that this happened. I know you guys were discussing marriage therapy...is that still an option? Would she agree to stay committed and switch doctors to see what happens? Can you go to an appointment with her and bring up the issue? I have a mental health background. I can't fathom a psychiatrist saying all of that. They're supposed to remain "objective". <p>I'm not sure what to tell you. I wish I could say more. Be reassured that I have been praying for every couple at that seminar this weekend. Things also didn't go the way I'd hoped. I'm heading out of town for a couple of days to give H some space. I'm scared! <p>Thoughts & prayers,
Idance

I have a backgound in sociology and psychology but as I said this past weekend... knowing something and realizing something are two different things. I always thought that psychiatrists and counselors were supposed to be supportive of positive events and changes. Totally non-judgemental. Anyway... she is a wreck and I think I know why. I believe she is going through the withdrawal from her emotional relationships with those two men. She feels lost and confused. She told me this morning that she thinks that by my forcing her to go this past weekend that all the things she said were what I wanted to hear. That she was just trying to make me happy.<p>I have known her for 14 years... she couldn't effectively hide the relationships becausse I do know her so well that I knew something was wrong. What I saw this weekend was truly the woman I know.<p>I am not sure of the answers. I know that this psychiatrist is hostile towards me and I haven't a clue why. So going with her to see him has the tendancy to be a disaster. I intend to just be patient for awhile and keep praying for her and us. As I also am praying for all the couples we met this weekend as well. I'll be sending you an email to your personal address in a few days. One of the things I found sorta surprising was the lack of any type of support group after the seminar. So I am going to write FDI about that. I think a support group of people who have been through this and have been successful could be very important. I know with my PTSD problem that that is how I halped to overcome some things. Anyway, what could be wrong with married couples that are already well on the right path providing encouragement to others not there yet?<p>Thanks for your support and I will let you know via here what is going on.<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: Joel Krall ]</p>