I met WW at a fast food place to drop off the kids today, and we sat down and ate. This was our first non-small talk conversation since he moved out 6 weeks ago. First he tells me that one of my friends from where we used to live (where OW lives) is having an affair and their marriage is falling apart (they have 3 kids under 6). I asked him where he heard that. Who else, OW! I knew him not talking to her wouldn't last long. Then he tells me there's a chance he could be transferred back there!!!!!!!! We just moved here from there this past summer!! I told him, "you know if you go back there I will not be going with you." He said he pretty much figured that. They are transferring a bunch of people. They are asking for volunteers, then they will assign. (He's in the Coast Guard.) There's no way in hell I would move back where OW is, and move away from my family again. Even if he did want to work things out. That would be a nightmare, I'd rather jump off a bridge.
It's funny, though in a way, kind of poetic justice. He's move back there and get what he wants - he could obsess over and practically stalk the married OW all he wants, and she can watch HER marriage fall to pieces. He can become an STD ridden alchoholic like his buddies he worked/partied with up there. And he can sit there and wonder what his two prescious little girls are doing, and think about what a crappy father he is and how he's wasting his life.
Then, he has the nerve to ask me if I met someone. I said, "why do you ask me that, because I'm not crying, begging, groveling at your feet like a lost little puppy dog anymore?"
He said, "No, because you've been acting strange." BINGO. I said, "yeah, I've been acting strange because I can't take the emotional turmoil anymore, I have to strat protecting myself." He just nodded his head, like OK.
UGGGHHHH! Is there ever any end to the drama?
He was probably hoping I'd say yes I met someone so it would give him the OK to go out and do it too, or tell me he already has or whatever.

I told him I could not sit around forever with my life on hold while he takes his sweet time making up his mind. He said, "Well, I'm doing what I said I was gonna do, if you'd rather me just make a decision right now, tell me." I had to bite my tongue on that one.

This is why I don't like to see him or talk to him. I cannot handle it. I barely ate for over a month, and was just feeling better the last two weeks. Now I can feel it already, the stress kills my stomach. It's like an automatic reaction.

I guess I'm just venting/updating you all since this is the first new turn of events in my situation in a while.

That was supposed to be WH, not WW. Can you tell I'm upset and not thinking straight?!!!!

Sorry you had to go thru that experience. I have gone thru some of it already.

Hi Faith,
I just wanted to say that from what I have read and learned, the 180 approach might be the best thing. Try to act happy and upbeat when you see him. It will drive him crazy. He should also know that you are dating (even if you're not, becasue the power of other guys' judgement of you as an attractive woman will get him thinking. Affairs are times of fogginess and temporary insanity. Stay on the 180 track. Do you call him? Don't. This affair will fail eventually when the glitz falls to the floor.

FHL04
I'm sorry to read your story. Those d*mn WS's always seem to have a way of rocking the boat just as the waters are seeming to calm down.

Your post reminds me of several things that I went through, particularly the not eating thing. You NEED to eat, you may even need some one to tell you to eat like I did. You have 2 small girls that are probably full of energy and draining the strength from you everyday such that you collapse into bed at night. If you have to, eat for them, eat healthy though.

Will the drama ever end? Boy I hope so. It sounds pretty intense especially when you characterize the kind of life he'll be leading wherever he's going back to. Stick close to your family, blood is thicker than water and family will never desert you.

I'll be praying for you. My personal email is rtrc4life1@yahoo.com.

Best wishes

Faith,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent experience with the WH. This is exactly what my WW does to me. I recently had a phone conversation with her, the first that lasted more than 30 seconds anyway. After talking with her for 20 inutes or so, she kind of sighed and told me how happy she was that we could talk like this... after all I WAS her bestfriend for the last 5 yearsw and now I was gone... Ummm, excuse me... "I" was gone???? You can imagine how much that hurt to hear.

I guess all I can suggest is that you keep your distance from him. You know, the whole plan B thing...yadda, yadda, yadda... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I agree with your thoughts on his question of your dating though. He was probably just looking for justification. Don't give him one! My WW does this from time to time with me. I did ask her once after she moved out, "Is this the kind of deal where we are seeing other people...???" I don't think she was expecting that question as she kind of sat there and looked at me all funny for awhile.

Anyway, hang in there.

Hey, i was just looking at you sig line... your kids are the same ages as mine. Although mine are boys. Funny.

I have a question for you, how are your kids handling all of this? I assume yours are somewhat like mine, your 2 yo probably doesn't really know what is going on... but your 4 yo shows signs of stress related to all of this...?!?!? Is this the case with your kids? I have one hell of a time trying to explain all of this to my 4 yo, he asks some really tough questions that require some really thoughtful answers. I'm running out of things to say to him. Does your WH bring the kids around the OW? I tell you, this would be a hell of a lot easier if there weren't kids involved.

Faith,
I know that I may not be able to offer much support, but remember that you are the strong one, he is the weak one. Focus on that, and so what a strong person would do. Let the weak ones do what they do......

Ethan

FHL, if you are not eating, it is probably due to depression - situationally based. See a doctor, and if necessary get on ADs, so that you can deal with things and your small children.
My kids were 2 & 4 when X left, and kids can deal better at a younger age, although my now 6 YO continues to show signs of stress/depression as a result.

If possible, find a local separated/divorce support group to help you through this. Having a real person who knows what you are going through helps, and you may find people with children the same age too (I did).
And eventually, find a Rainbows class in your area. www.rainbows.org is a grief counseling support group for kids of death or divorce, and they are wonderful.

Thanks so much for the support, guys.
I feeling much calmer now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

rsupp,
I have been applying the 180 concept, and actually, I did pretty good today. I did not get emotional, I showed him that I was strong and not going to take his crap anymore. No, I don't call him. I let him call me when he needs to about the kids, and then I am brief and distant.

RTRC,
Thanks, I appreciate your kind words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WMWB,
My 4 yr old acted strangely fine with everything for about a month. She is starting to ask questions now though. My 2 year old cries for daddy all the time, it breaks my heart. This surprised me, I expected it to be the opposite.
The OW was a close friend of mine, and her daughter wa my 4 year old's BEST friend, they were like sisters. It was good that we moved away before this all came out, but I have been the bad guy for "breaking up all the friendships!" Imagine that.

newly,
Thanks for the advice. You are right, i need to eat. And I found a church with a group called DivorceCare that I'm probably going to start going to.

Ethan,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks

You guys are great.