Last night I am putting son into bath early b/c we were going over to Hilltop Neighbor's house to play with his son and he got some neat kid dvd's...like walking w/dinosaurs, when dino's roamed America..And he wanted to get the kids ice cream and stuff...He's really nice btw.

Anyhow, I am getting son ready (son was glad to go and I don't understand this yet,)...and lo and behold I get a phone call from one of my very best friends from back home.

For those who might remember my past, or should I say Jethro's past, I am from TN and the most notorious OW of them all is monkeyho. Woman with no shame or no conscience who even took my xh to a "marriage conference" called Song of Solomon at a nearby church maybe one mile from my house....

Anyway, my buddy Missy got a call from another of our friends who works in same local area division with monkeyho and they see one another frequently. My other friend was the "mole" basically who got all the info for me and kept me grounded in truth about their affair while my xh was lying lying lying....Thanks for good friends.

Anyway, she wanted Missy to call me b/c "things were heating up again with MONKEYHO AND JETHRO AS OF LAST WEEK." Yep. I was completely right.

I intercepted an email forward and saw the path and included in that path is me, his parents, his new wistress/wife, and monkeyho...Knew they were in contact again but couldn't believe this one.

Seems that Jethro took Monkeyho ON ANOTHER TRIP TO DISNEYWORLD. What is up with Disneyworld? He takes all his OW there...sick. He just got back in Dec. w/FV to Disneyworld. And sickest of all, that's where he took me on our honeymoon almost 8 years ago. I am nauseous.

Then ironically after this I get a call from Jethro. He wants to talk to son and "arrange a meeting time for sunday to talk about finances." He's acting wierd. Says he's still "out of town". I can always tell when the man's lying b/c he's strangely nice and peaceful sounding. And also accusatory at same time. He acts so nice saying "he'll sign any paper to help me with the hummer" but then after that in next breath says it's "not even really worth one second of his time b/c he has had so much lawsuits and other things to deal with from work". Claims he's "out of town on business" in Charleston.

Hmmmm. He pulled that one before, in fact right before I filed for D. Then the ADULTERY BLINKING LIGHT in my head goes off and I remember what my counselor here told me..."Now Peachy, how many men schedule business trips over weekend?" She told me that if businesses pay for business trips unless it is a ball or some large social event, business is conducted during business week and any man with a small child wouldn't stay out of town like that.

Then I get it...he's there with OW1. And I see it , the whole stupid situation completely for what it is...And I am thankful I am out of it. So, he's still lying to me, and lying now to his wife of maybe six weeks and eight months preggers with his child. Now I also understand why FV has been tampering with his email and having the emotional outbursts that my son has reported to me this week after picking him up from school. She knows he's cheating but not sure with whom...with his xwife or with his original OW.

See?

See? People who remarry from adultery will for sure have trust issues. Plus I believe that the family who cheats together cheats on each other.

I give the M of FV and Jethro not years anymore to shake my head at, but mere months now. I am sorry for her stupid decision to marry him and for her to try to trap him into marriage by getting deliberately pregnant. But that's her stupidity. She saw a window of opportunity--wife doesn't want him, Monkeyho breaks up with him, and she moves in for the kill. Shacks up within two weeks and then can't remember how to take the pill about five months later...without a real committment and no ring on hand.

I know I might sound harsh sometimes, but I don't believe in the lie of adultery. When everybody marries, they do so when they're in love and they have plans to be with their wife or h for the rest of their life. Real world kicks in and the glamour and fun that was the chase of the relationship is gone. That's when most people either deal with reality or chase another fantasy. Mine chose the fantasy.

I had another wierd nightmare last night about this. And last night over at Hilltop Neighbor's, I told him about this. He couldn't believe it. But then again he said he could. He said that he understood the whole thing now. He said that Jethro's so miserable now, by his own free will getting that way, that he's self destructing and trying to find his happiness anyway he can. And it's sad b/c Hilltop Neighbor said that his real happiness, being me and my son, are outta his reach. He said that my xh did all of this for a fling and instead found two of the most TOXIC OW on the planet and threw his good life away for absolute nothing. That the guy is trapped and running hard.

Ironically, HN and the oil company he's a VP for are sponsoring down in So. GA this national wakeboarding championship...And it's going to be co-sponsored by Bud and get this...Maxxim. Same mag FV was all hanging out in...HN is the entire coordinator for the event. The magazine is covering the event and he said for fun, he'd love me to be there and have them snap a photo of us for the magazine...ha!

Anyway, this is actually sad to me. In a wierd way, I want him to have Monkey now. But I know that wouldn't last either. I want him to be with the one who's done most damage. The one who he forsook all to be with. Lost everything. And now it seems the time left on the third marriage is winding down for him...

As a rational and decent person, I cannot fathom how somebody who can go through a horrible divorce, dessimate their wife and child in the process, shack up with OW, get her pregnant, get remarried within two weeks, decide to reestablish contact with their other lover again. How much money or how much stupidity does it take for him to learn? There is nobody on earth I would love that much to wreck two marriages for and destroy the lives of two kids for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So are you going to tell fv about this??

Man, he's really wallowing in the mud,isn't he?

I am not going to tell FV...I am NOT GOING TO BE THE GLUE THAT KEEPS THEM TOGETHER.

I mean, if I tell them, he will turn it around onto ME and she will get mad at him and me b/c it just gives an out...a way to SPIN the truth.

The best way to deal with it is to leave it alone. As for me, their huge stinking pile of crap they've made smells just too bad.

It is amazing how these A marriages work. This is one textbook case.

I say something simple basically. End something first before beginning anything new. Bible says "double minded man is unstable in all his ways". But...I have informed my attorney of this sitch and as she might be divorcing him in future if this is found out, I am going to probably have to if she files, re file too as I know he has hidden many assets...I am thinking now that Monkeyho could very well be harboring much of my lost assets...hmmmm..

I just see this as very sad. He threw away us, this family for nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was alone for first time in life and couldn't deal with it. He'd lost me and son. Then lost MOnkeyho b/c he couldn't divorce fast enough and also knew that everybody knew about it and that his family actually blamed Monkeyho and not FV (despite his sleeping with her too, but b/c monkeyho was his primary ho)for the divorce. So he just did that "I can't be alone thing" and settled for an uneducated buttfloss model with illegit child who did same thing she did to the last guy.. So he ends up feeling trapped and pressured by those around him saying "do the right thing..you're gonna be a dad again" and he marries a woman he doesn't respect at all. Marries her at the last minute as well...

The dead giveaway was his recent spur of "business trips" to S.C. He did that when they were hot and heavy two years ago. What man in their right mind who's cfo of their company would leave their almost 9 mo. preggers wife alone going on trip after trip? Easy. One that's having an affair. I spent the last year married to him when we lived together with him jetting off here and there on business and then busted him once at Southbeach at Tides Hotel with Monkeyho b/c of a lost laptop computer and a plane ticket. However, I am guessing he is either in FL or TN. That's the pattern and always has been. But it's too much energy for me to expend on them b/c it's time for ME AND MY SON NOW. My son deserves a guy who's going to be there for us. Sure, some have to travel for work, some take call for medical emergencies like the cute resident does, and that's the way of the world. But if you know facts, you can't change them.

The whole truth is that business is conducted during the work week and not on weekends...Once Jethro told me he was flying back to TN to "have a conference w/attorneys for business there"...I found out later he was lying and stayed with Monkeyho there and counselor said that "it's just another example of the working on the weekend lie"...

She was hilarious...My counselor has done it for over 20 years...after her own divorce due to adultery. She likened the concept to the song by loverboy as she said even the band name was right on for the concept..."Everybodys working FOR the weekend; not working ON THE WEEKEND".."Unless you call sex affairs work that is."

For all newbies here or those who do not get the lies or the crap they're handing you, this one is a huge classic lie...Unless their a doc and on call or med professional, there is not a lick of much truth to having business trips overnight and long conferences during weekends..If you're told they're leaving to go on a weekend business trip, you're being played my friend.

Peachy,
You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am not going to tell FV...I am NOT GOING TO BE THE GLUE THAT KEEPS THEM TOGETHER. I mean, if I tell them, he will turn it around onto ME and she will get mad at him and me b/c it just gives an out...a way to SPIN the truth </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm glad to hear this, and feel you are RIGHT ON TARGET. Stick to your guns <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Glad to see you're still doing well despite his hijinks!

<small>[ March 06, 2004, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey Peach! Ya better watch out for him... the way he's cheating/re-cheating/re-re-cheating to no end, he just MIGHT come back and hit on you!
Better prepare to run for the hills if he does.
HLT

Thanks Avondale and Sauron..

I've had a great weekend w/son but am having very bad nightmares about whole thing.

Sad reality is that the re-emergence of Monkeyho has stirred up some things I guess were dormant in my subconscious...I haven't slept well, gotten up during the night. Feel tired all the time. Found myself reliving some of the sitch's again.

I am working towards further healing and only way is to be completely away.

X didn't call to work on finances or pay me this month or sign the paper about the hummer...I am very frustrated at this btw.

But I guess he didn't get back from his "business trip" in time today to get around to doing this. He's a busy man. Has to keep his story straight to 2, no make that 3 women. For some reason he keeps up the lie with me too.

Last night, went to dinner with HN and his son and my son at Bahama Breeze. Instead of sitting inside, we sat on patio and had a informal dinner listening to Buffet type guy. Kids just sat there and colored and danced around and had fun. Wierd thing is i came away from dinner thinking it's too darn hard to date anybody who's a parent. And my circular thinking comes back to me just wanting to date and settle down with a guy who's got no kids. As much fun as my son had, I saw in his eyes that he doesn't want to be in a sitch like the one with his dad...with another child close to his age. He even said today while we were at the zoo, "I like HN but I don't want a new daddy who's already a daddy..I want one that will be just mine." So I am beginning to re evaluate that sitch and might back off from seeing him.

I swear I hate this whole situation that my xh orchestrated...What is with this guy? Is he on that new thirtysix hour time released erectile disfunction drug or something? He's gotta be a busy man. How on earth can somebody keep up so many lies? I don't understand it. He's hurt his son, will most likely hurt his daughter to be, and will should she have any bit of a soul, even his new wistress/wife. Me? I had my heart ripped right outta my chest over this.

It's like suddenly I started grieving over again and it's all b/c of the emergence again of ths woman. I am afraid who will be around my son. What if my son is forced to be yet around another OW? His dad took him to yet another disney trip two and a half years ago with Monkey for almost a week. That killed me inside b/c I was denied to even know the truth or have chance to say "no my son will not go"...But he lied about the whole trip saying it was a "boys' trip".

I don't understand this. Any ideas why this is coming back? The swirly feeling again? Yea, I am angry and upset b/c he's not paid us and according to the law, he's in contempt again as per the agreement. I noted this to attorneys today btw. But the whole lie thing I guess is making me relive the darkest days of my whole life. And I've been really doing good. Know that my counselor said this would happen and that I'd bounce back and forth between the kubler-ross stages until the whole thing is resolved in my mind. She said it could take years b/c of what he had done. Albeit, she predicted I'd be remarried and happy in a few. And she said that even when I remarry and am happy, that these feelings would surface whenever I had to deal with any of my x's lies or unfinished business.

I actually awoke today, this morning, with tears on my pillow. I don't remember crying but knew I had a disturbing dream. So I did what brings joy and love...spent time with my son and we had a great time together today. I love him so much and hurt for this whole thing.

I wish my x would wake up. Wake up and see how miserable his life is and do something about it for once. Whether it's for himself, his new child, or for my child. I swear he has a mental problem or possibly even a sexual addiction problem.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The best way to deal with it is to leave it alone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peachy, leave it all alone and stop focusing on J, and focus on yourself and son.
You do that sometimes in your posts, but other times you get lost in the J drama. I know the A hurts you and always will, and only you can decide to heal.

Maybe it is too soon to date, and you are thinking well about men with kids. But your comment to son should have been "you have a father, J will always be your dad. We may have others in our lives who love us, but no one will take the place of J".

And don't forget to treat the finance meeting as a business meeting. Don't fall into his traps. Protect yourself - and your heart. You still care for the man he once was - it is evident in your posts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Seems that Jethro took Monkeyho ON ANOTHER TRIP TO DISNEYWORLD. What is up with Disneyworld? He takes all his OW there...sick. He just got back in Dec. w/FV to Disneyworld. And sickest of all, that's where he took me on our honeymoon almost 8 years ago. I am nauseous. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to knock Disney, but it is a place that's grounded in fantasy and illusions. Need I say more?

I've been thinking about how much you need to disengage from Jethro completely. But I also have a suspicion about why you get so tangled up in his insanity. I think you're still hurting a lot over the loss of your marriage. Witnessing what a lowlife he's continuing to be just might be helping you by pounding his worthlessness into your head. I think maybe that's not such a bad plan. I did something similar when divorcing my first husband. I hope that once you have it FULLY permeating your head and your heart that you couldn't have made the marriage healthy all by yourself, you'll be able to move on.

Best wishes as always, Peachy.

Contrary to what you keep saying--your not over it
at all--

If you were--when your friend called you would have been able to say something to the effect--

"Well, thank you for letting me know, but really it's no longer MY concern--as you know, we are divorced now--sure, I'm sorry FV is having to go through this, because I know all the pain it causes --but, maybe she will begin to understand the pain she caused me and my son and learn from it, just as I have, and maybe it will make her a better person"

You reap what you sow--and it really sounds like she is going to have to walk in those same shoes you wore--although, the only real difference for her is that she doesn't have all the years emotionally invested-that you did--

but she will feel the same pain--the betrayal--the realization that her life isn't what she thought it was going to be--nor what he promised her it would be--he lied to her just as he lied to you--not that, that is for you to worry or be concerned about--

but who knows--she may turn on him in a way you never expect--and if she knows he's been hiding monies--she may be more willing to open up with you about that--and actually turn out to be your ally in all this mess---

but your best bet is let the chips for her fall where they may--by not saying anything--let her find out on her own--which you know eventually she will--or you could give it a little helping hand in moving the process along for her--

If you decide to take that road--tell her something like--"I don't expect you to believe me-I mean why should you--as he lied to me about you for a long time too--but just keep your eye's and ear's open--and do a little snooping for your own answer's" And if she confronts him--and he lies to her--that is between the two of them--and you'll know you were honest with her--even though she wasn't honest with you--she will eventually see your not the witch he's made you out to be--

Good ideas. Newly, I have really done some soul searching and know in my heart it's best that when I do finally pick somebody, what qualities they will have. After talking with sis and best friend and soul searching, I know exactly which qualities I am looking for. And high up on list is either one or no children...I just want to make things easiest on my son as he's top priority.

And I think I'm ready to date. Counselor wanted me to do that and when I spoke briefly with her a while back, she encouraged it. Sure, it will take years and I mean years to get over it, but I am doing fairly well..actually counselors says darn well and didn't expect me to bounce back this quick. Will treat it as a business meeting and not let anything else happen. I am not going to end up being the OW's OW...geez. this path is too complicated even for me now.

Dobie, you're exactly right @ disney. I can't even stomach the thought of it.

And you are right about my using it for further extinguishing...I think of it and snap wrist with my ponytail holder I use for that very thing..Makes me remember what I have gained by getting d'd.

T.R.--good ideas. I am over it but nevertheless will continue to experience shock and awe whenever confronted with the continued lies and deceit. Makes you just gasp literally. And I wish I could when the time is right join forces with FV, but alas, she's a primo golddigger and would only do anything that would better herself. If I were to ever engage in any dealings with her, it would have to be with myself being in the position of much more to gain than her b/c of her treachery and recent past..it speaks for itself. She proved last fall how much her words are worth...Acknowledged that she was shacking up with a married man, lied about being pregnant, and said she had left him and wanted to do nothing more than start her life over. Lies lies lies. She is all about money and doing for her and her expanding brood.

Didn't hear from him as I expected. Three days now into again another contempt. I have contacted attorneys and this is again documented. I swear..I almost think with his behavior if he hasn't run off with Monkeyho...I know he's got to be close to the edge and I am worried that FV is getting close to it as well. I am going to send a very nice but short email to Jethro today reminding him of the date and what is due plus will ask "if they are too busy" that I will be glad to keep son even more. I am worried that the instability in that household is not condusive to my son being around them at all. You take one foggy and very very WH and combine it with an uneducated, jealous, and morally-defunct OW/W who's worried her H of 6 wks is cheating on her and also 9 mos preggers and you get a recipe for absolute disaster. A totally hormonally charged disaster. That's why I am concerned and worried. I am scared of what I am allowing my son to go and visit with. I don't trust either of them with my son's hamster.

Your Ex never fails to amaze me!! Not in a good way either. I second those who are encouraging you to tell your TN friends to not spread gossip to you about your Ex. Gossip isn't very productive and it certainly isn't always true either. Beyond that, you should be trying to get to the place where you don't care what he does.

"Last night, went to dinner with HN and his son and my son at Bahama Breeze. Instead of sitting inside, we sat on patio and had a informal dinner listening to Buffet type guy"

It's truly a small, small world as I and BF, daugther and her BF were at the same place last night for dinner out on the porch too!!! Won't name the town since this is the internet. But this is quite a hoot!!!

Thanks TFS...I love that place. Kids love it too. Since I can't get to the islands right now, it's a close second....

And it's not heresay. The person who told my best girlfriend is a trusted friend of mine and she and Monkey share same sales territory. They see each other rather frequently and my friend was more than shocked to suddenly hear she'd "gotten back together" with him...

What amazes me is how a woman can announce they've "gotten back together" with their x bf, who was in the first place already married only to be legally divorced for only mere days to remarry again...She has the most unavailable bf I've ever heard of...unfortunately, he's my xh.

How can you get "back together" with a 2x divorced due to adultery presently-married man with one son and another soon to be born? I swear..he's got more "mojo' than Austin Powers. Or he is using double strength viagra. Last I heard, she was sleazing it up back home but my friends don't let me in on that stupid day to day sleaze stuff of hers....Only b/c it might possibly affect son or I in either settlement or son's welfare that I worry or am concerned. As for me, I am trying to find out where I lost my "mojo". Anybody seen it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Peachy, you didn't lose your mojo sweetie!! Far from it, you just don't spread it around to anyone who will have it!! LMAO Your Ex thinks he's a pollen bee and HAS to spread it around! One day you will not even care when someone tells you this sort of thing about him. Believe me...been there, done that. After my divorce, people just HAD to tell me all kinds of stuff my Ex did. It made me sick. Good news is, he's grown as a person and him and his W did make it. Lord, I don't have the slightest clue as to how, because he too cheated on her (at least that was what friends told me). Have no idea if they are happy or not and the best part is, I haven't cared since about 2 years after divorcing him.

You'll get there.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Peachy,

There will come a day, when his offensiveness fails to shock you or get your attention. That day, when someone calls with an update, you can yawn, go "What's new?" and ask them about what's happening in their lives, because neither of your lives revolve around Jethro's vortex of drama.

Peachy,
I know what you mean by dating someone with kids. I have 4 of my own (two are grown) and 2 still at home. I have been divorced 2-1/2 years, and still don't date, don't have any desire and don't know if i will. Maybe when my boys are raised.

This is my 2nd divorce, and i dated shortly after the first divorce, and married. It was a disaster from the start. He was awful to my older kids (at the time they were around 10 and 12), and always was. He was a real piece of work!! My older kids never like him. I made many mistakes back then - i now have a chance to do it right with my youngest boys.
I guess i learned a lot after what i feel like i have gone through in my life. I am 45, i think finally i have grown up. I won't put these boys thru anything like that again. They have a dad, don't need a step-dad, or step siblings. We have enough kids around here. My boys at home, are 12 and 11. I have 2 grown kids and 3 grandkids. Don't want to raise any one elses!!

Anyway, definately take your time. I am enjoying my independence too much and my peaceful (finally) life with my boys too much, to include anyone else. Don't have time for that.

At work so can't post long...am facing dilemma w/attorneys today. She is saying to file the contempt order against my xh, it will cost 2200. I have already paid her a retainer fee and find this amount far too high. The settlement amount for the hummer is 6500.

I have been really displeased with this attorney as she helped me not get this settlement I needed to have and also she's mad b/c Jethro was slapped with paying all my legal fees and guess what...he hasn't paid them and they have filed a contempt motion against him b/c he has not paid attorneys.

She has a claim against J for legal fees.
Let her file the contempt form against him, before you file yours.
And, there are some things you can file yourself.
Call the courthouse to find out.

Wouldn't you just love to see J arrested for non-payment of $6,600. What would that do to his rep?

Peachy-

I have been following your story for quite a while and Jethro never ceases to amaze me. I agree with newly, let the attorney file against him first and see what you can do on your own. It seems you have given him ample rope and he seems intent on hanging himself.

I also agree with your feelings on dating. I have four children of my own and my BF while divorced, has none. It has worked very well as he loves them, they love him and there are no feelings of jealousy, etc. that often come when you blend families.

My X and the OW are getting married this summer and plan on having children. She wants one yesterday, but so far has held off. I think she wants the honor of being married first. Like it it really matters after the A. He has told others that he thinks she is nuts as he already has four, but she wants at least one of their own. This whole prospect has my kids concerned. As my 11 year old put it, "What will happen when OW has a baby of her own? We won't matter at all then." When I told her that wasn't true she said, "That's easy for you to say, you don't really know her and Dad never says anything. He only does what she wants." I asked her how she would feel about me having another baby without her dad and she said, "That's different Mom, you're our mom and you and BF would never treat us differently." It was horrible to hear how little faith and trust she has in her father, even though I know it is to be expected.

One more comment on the letting go. I feel a lot like you do. I was devastated by the A, but have really gotten past it and grown into a person I really like. I really do not care what XH and OW do except when it effects the kids and I. The problem is that XH is not content to leave well enough alone and is constantly changing the rules, etc. I know you can relate. The failure to come through on agreed upon things, meddling in my business, hindering my life is what keeps me irritated. He got the life he chose and I am thankful he chose it. Now I just want him to stop interfering in mine.

Hang in there Peachy. Time is on your side!

Take care and God bless!
K

Agree with you and I am with you on this one,.

Attny has already filed contempt against him and I am trying to do just that...see what I can do myself vs. an attorney,

And as it would seem sometimes if the OP is especially insecure and within child bearing years, if they are F, they will try to "glue" the A marriage together by having offspring quickly. LIke it will make everything ok....but not so.

Makes me sick. Really sick. To feel you have to bring a child into the world b/c you are insecure and worried about a Relationship surviving...basically it's more OP/WS selfishness. And our kids KNOW WHO'S THERE FOR THEM. Thus I don't believe if I had another child in the future he'd be upset. He knows I am for sure here for him come heck or high water.