I had recently found out my WW left me for an inmate. She had told me that she was going to send him a NC letter today.
I was stupid and went to the jail today only to find her visitng him.
We had words in the parking lot and she cried and got the officers to protect her from me.
She will not take my calls and I know now that all hope is lost.

Phoenix,
Don't throw in the towel just yet! Go back into Plan A, avoid the lovebusters, you can do it!

When my x left me, I though it would be some young rich Dr she worked with. Imagine my suprise when I caught here with an older, respiratory therapist that had had 2-3 other affairs and had been run out of 2 hospitals. She told me he would be a good step-parent. He wasn't long enough to make any impression on my kids except he was/is a loser.

Pheonix,

I agree with RWD to an extent. If you are not ready to give up, then do not through in the towel yet.

However, A has been exposed and she lied about the NC, perhaps plan A should start moving into plan B.

If she agreed to NC, that means NC. Not just one more time and then NC.

I am not really sure if I want to continue anymore. I told her on Friday that she has to make a choice. I felt that all of this time she has been trying to have her cake and eat it too. I said the choice had to be made of NC and attemp to work on M or close the door on me for good. I am serious about that. I know ultimatums are not good but should a divorce take place my life will be put in a shambles emotionally and financially. The amout of child support that would be paid (1600/mo) would cause me to live in a rooming house for a long period of time while she and the inmate would live quite well on my hard work. I just seems unjust.
I know there have been problems in the past but it is she who chose not to deal with uncontrolled emotions and chose to have this affair. My children deserve the best from both of us not someone who is an emotional hijacker. I am really dissapointed in myself because I had been really trying to let go and let God handle this but I moved before him.

<small>[ March 07, 2004, 06:51 AM: Message edited by: Pheonix_66 ]</small>

I don't know what to make of this.

I told her on Friday to make a decision that either she would work on our M or that I would have absolutely no realtionship with her. I also said that should she decide to try that numerous changes would have to be made concerning behavior, money, in-laws, complete honesty and other things. I am not trying to be a tyrant but I have overlooked too many things over the years, given a lot, been an enabler and felt she has seriously neglected her responsibility for personal growth and domestic support.

I also said that if she did decided to try again that I am only interested in the whole person, I dont want a piece of anything.

Today she called and said that she was not sure about it but would try to work things out with me. Her attitude was not good and she said that her main reason was that she knows I will drag her through the court system and most likely get the children based on the information I have on her. She also said that maybe she is wrong for what she has done to the family. Duh!! She does not know all that I have but it is damaging and embarrasing. She is quite angry about how easily I can find things out but it is not rocket science.
I wonder if she is just bidding her time until she can get money to get the divorce later. Her family will not give her the money because they while they support her they too know that she is not doing the next right thing.

I will see how it goes over the next few months but I will remain prepared for any nonsense that may come up. I will also do my best to show her the best me I can present.

She is not living with me now so I can only go on what she tells me and my investigative resources.
I really want to make a sincere effort to meet her needs and have a happy and loving relationship with my W but I am leary of anything she says at this point. (compulsive liar)
I don't want and have told her an effort based on fear, it is better to go through the process and live for a short time setback then to live a life of misery.
At the moment this is what she has chosen. This is hard and I just can't heads or tails of this.

<small>[ March 07, 2004, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Pheonix_66 ]</small>

Pheonix,

I have been told that any reason to work on M is a good one. Once the romantic love is restored, the reasons don't mean anything anymore.

You have the right attitude about you and your efforts.

No matter what, you are doing all that you can and you can always now that. If she comes around, great, if not, it is not because of your lack of trying.

WIWH

I told my wife the same thing, gave her the same ultimatum. She could not choose so I filed for divorce. It hurts. I wonder if I did the right thing. But she has been in this relationship with the OM for over a year. She has been out of the house since July 03. I have tried everything. Enough is enough.

I don't know your situation, but if she moved out try to get the kids back home. If your children are with you, at home, it is very likely that you will get custody and she will have to pay you child support. If you moved out, move back in. Be the best father you can be. Go overboard with them. Spend as much time with them as possible. This may be the one thing good that could come of all of this.

The kids are not with me now but at the moment I am allowed to see them from Fri night to Mon morning when she is working. she is refusing to let me see them any other time. Says it takes away her time with them. I am documenting this and will use it against her in court. I am in for a fight here I know it.

I knew the terms of the ultimatium were firm but she has been out of order for years. I knew she could not live with it. I was prepared to go ahead with the D. End game begins tomorrow.