My husband goes to college now, and there is this one girl who is sending him emails. She writes porn stories. Im talking hard core porn stories!
He knows this bothers me I dont like porn sights at all. And all of a sudden now he wants his own netscape and everything to be private. He says sd he can have his own screen ect... we went through this before and I got in he always had porn on it. I know he goes to her sight becasue i found it on his meail as well as in the history. He said they are jsut friends but Im really un compfortable with this. He says IM jelous and should not worry about it. So IM confused should I allow him to continue this or put my foot down? If i do he will get angry Im sure he angers really easy. I love him with all my heart, but shouldnt he stop and try not to hide anything if he knows how I feel about it? Why must men hide things even if they know it hurts us? DOnt they know by hiding it we get hurt more when we do find out? Please give me some advise!

First thing, yeah, you are jealous! But I think it highly inappropriate for another woman to email your h porn stories.<p>Second, I don't think you can 'put your foot down'---you're not talking about a three year old here. This is a grown man who chooses his own actions. The flip side of that is that he also has to suffer the consequences of such actions. And the reason men hide things is that they don't want to be b*tched at like they know we will do. <p>I don't know what to tell you about solving this prob. My H was looking at porn but when I told hm it made me unhappy, he stopped. I realized that the reason I didn't like him looking is that I feel extremely inadequate (looks-wise) next to the young, skinny, long-blonde haired girls he was getting all hot over. He was also using it as stimulus for himself and our sex life suffered. I told him that as long as our sex life didn't suffer, I was okay, but he still doesn't because I don't really like it. We always say we're gonna watch some dirty PPV but we always fall asleep before it comes on. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck. Let us know what happens.<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

Hi Miya,
I can only speak from the knowledge I have concerning my own husband and his honesty about any kind of porn, whether it be on TV, in books or mags or on the internet...and he has told me that from his own porn experience, indulging in any kind of porn can lead to a very lustful addiction which keeps the addicted person from truely having or enjoying a good and secure sex life with thier life long sex partner and it damages the deep loving emotional ties which keeps the marriage joyful and secure. It hurts the person who is addicted to the porn as much as it hurts the person they are married to. <p>Letting your husband continue to pursue this addiction is like allowing him to continue to do harmful drugs after you have discovered he is using. It is not any different then being an enabler to an alchoholic. It is destructive for both parties. Love does not mean that you let the one you love do anything they want to simply because they enjoy it. We need to help one another and not just let each other do whatever they want because it 'feels good'. And to think that he has a 'girl' somewhere interacting over the net with him would make me really, really upset!! You have every right to be very upset right now!!!

This is not right!! You need to let him know how wrong it is and then come up with a plan that will get him help and let him know this is unacceptable behavior. If he doesn't listen then you may have to give some sort of ultimatum especcially if he refuses to get help or stop it altogether. You shouldn't submit to this kind of behavior because it is just a way for him to be disloyal to you in the marriage while getting your approval about it. Imagine him having an affair with your consent...that is very much like what you are doing now if you let this continue as is.<p>Like I said, his porn problem is a real problem in the marriage and needs to be dealt with now before it gets worse. <p>Please, get help!<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by frstrtd:
<strong>Hi Miya,
I can only speak from the knowledge I have concerning my own husband and his honesty about any kind of porn, whether it be on TV, in books or mags or on the internet...and he has told me that from his own porn experience, indulging in any kind of porn can lead to a very lustful addiction which keeps the addicted person from truely having or enjoying a good and secure sex life with thier life long sex partner and it damages the deep loving emotional ties which keeps the marriage joyful and secure. It hurts the person who is addicted to the porn as much as it hurts the person they are married to. <p>Letting your husband continue to pursue this addiction is like allowing him to continue to do harmful drugs after you have discovered he is using. It is not any different then being an enabler to an alchoholic. It is destructive for both parties. Love does not mean that you let the one you love do anything they want to simply because they enjoy it. We need to help one another and not just let each other do whatever they want because it 'feels good'. And to think that he has a 'girl' somewhere interacting over the net with him would make me really, really upset!! You have every right to be very upset right now!!!

This is not right!! You need to let him know how wrong it is and then come up with a plan that will get him help and let him know this is unacceptable behavior. If he doesn't listen then you may have to give some sort of ultimatum especcially if he refuses to get help or stop it altogether. You shouldn't submit to this kind of behavior because it is just a way for him to be disloyal to you in the marriage while getting your approval about it. Imagine him having an affair with your consent...that is very much like what you are doing now if you let this continue as is.<p>Like I said, his porn problem is a real problem in the marriage and needs to be dealt with now before it gets worse. <p>Please, get help!<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by frstrtd:
<strong>Hi Miya,
I can only speak from the knowledge I have concerning my own husband and his honesty about any kind of porn, whether it be on TV, in books or mags or on the internet...and he has told me that from his own porn experience, indulging in any kind of porn can lead to a very lustful addiction which keeps the addicted person from truely having or enjoying a good and secure sex life with thier life long sex partner and it damages the deep loving emotional ties which keeps the marriage joyful and secure. It hurts
the person who is addicted to the porn as much as it hurts the person they are married to. <p>
Letting your husband continue to pursue this addiction is like allowing him to continue to do harmful drugs after you have discovered he is using. It is not any different then being an enabler to an alchoholic. It is destructive for both parties. Love does not mean that you let the one you love do anything they want to simply because they enjoy it. We need to help one another and not just let each other do whatever they want because it 'feels good'. And to think that he has a 'girl' somewhere interacting over the net with him would make me really, really upset!! You have every right to be very upset right now!!!

This is not right!! You need to let him know how wrong it is and then come up with a plan that will get him help and let him know this is unacceptable behavior. If he doesn't listen then you may have to give some sort of ultimatum especcially if he refuses to get help or stop it altogether. You shouldn't submit to this kind of behavior because it is just a way for him to be disloyal to you in the marriage while getting your approval about it. Imagine him having an affair with your consent...that is very much like what you are doing now if you let this continue as is.<p>Like I said, his porn problem is a real problem in the marriage and needs to be dealt with now before it gets worse. <p>Please, get help!<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</strong><hr></blockquote>
Thanks for your help and advise;0 I ahve tried talking to him but he insist its nothing. She is just a friend who wants her opion on her sex stories! BUt I still dont like it. He sits after i got to bed and reads them wont do it while IM here with him at all. He keeps it hidden. LIke i said he even wants his won netscape and stuff so he can have his privacy. Alwys the excuse well then I wont ahve to worry about anyone elses stuff! Yeah right his way of hiding it.
I dont think he will get help he says he isnt addicted! BUt it really rhuts me I fell inferior to theses women he gauks at he says he doenst well why els would he even look at them?
Ill try my best and I have given him and ultimatum before we even split up he stopped for a while and he goes right back to the way ti was before.
I just dont understand him at times.

Myia,<p>Welcome to MB! <p>First I would like to tell you a story about myself.
I am now 40 years old. I have been married for 16 years. I have two wonderful kids.
In the begining everything seemed wonderful. My wife and I had fun together, did all kinds of things together. The problem was, I had the same problem that your husband is having. I didn't have contact with other woman but I too got caught up in porn and such. I would hang posters of girls in bikini's all over my garage and I would keep telling my wife "it's okey, don't worry...." I knew she didn't like it but I just kept telling her it was nothing to worry about.
As time went on she finally gave in and stoped bothering me about it. But what really happend was she began to pull away from me emotionally. She wouldn't share her deepest feelings with me. Over time I began to kid myself without even realising it, I could get her to go along with anything I wanted, thinking that she was okey with it. In reallity, she was just keeping her true feelings to herself because she knew that trying to convince me was useless.
Years would go by and her true emotional needs were not being met by me. I thought everything was just fine. All our friends thought all was just fine. I'll bet you can guess what I am about to tell you.
It was almost two years ago. Here I am aproching 40 years old, thinking life is grand. I have everything under control nice house, nice boat, motorhome, great job, good retirment comming.... Then out of the blue I stumbled across a phone number on my wifes cell phone with the name of a man that I knew of very well. I was blown away. It almost killed me. I literally went into shock. I couldn't eat, sleep, work.... I never felt so much pain in all of my life. Even my wife of 16 years went into shock. She too could not believe that she got herself involved into a full blown affair. But it happened. This guy came into her life and began to tell her everything a girl wanted to hear. She blew him off for a YEAR, but he kept after her telling her all the sweetest things and building her up, makeing her feel special. Then after a year of his persute, she gave in and once she gave in she got caught up into it and couldn't get out. Her affair lasted almost two years when I caught her.
The next year after that was a living HELL. But by the grace of God and allot of work and rebuilding we survived and are doing pretty good now.
I wouldn't wish this story on any one. It was a living hell. I came very close to suicide. I almost killed the man that crossed the line with my wife. I could have spent the rest of my life in prison for it too.
When I look back over the years, I wish I had never brought porn into my home. I would have never pined up girls in my shop. I would have made my wife feel like a beauty queen and I would have listend to what she had to say instead of invalidating her feeling by telling her that what she was feeling was wrong and that what I was doing was okay.
I am so sorry for the way I acted in the past and I can only hope that my story will open the eyes of men like your husband because it is painfully clear that he is following my foot steps.
I hope you show this letter to him and mabey just mabey he will have sence enough to stop and run from what he is doing.<p>God Bless and my prayers are with you.<p>Stillhurts

Thanks still hurts for your info, we unforunatly have been that route all ready I cheated on him but only once and ended it after he would nto stop. I withdrew from him and your right it does effect us emotionally!
He vowed to stop and yes he even tried to kill himself when I left him. He went to councling and he stopped for a long time. But over time it ahs started again. I have to say this week he ahs slacked up alot but only because he is either working or at school.
I love him with all my heart and this person was there for me when he wasnt.
My mistake and i know it trust me I really do.
time will tell if he is willing to stop or not all I can do now is hope and pray. And no I wont cheat on him again at all i have learned my lesson.
Thanks for your advise and may God Bless
Always.