Was moving furniture in my BR tonite and there is ALOT of storage under my bed. When I pulled out the boxes I started going thru some of the pix under there.

There are alot of pix. We did many things together as a loving family and took lots of pix. Incidently....my X has never asked for any. I haven given him a few here and there as I have had need to look thru them over the past 18months, but I think this week I want to tackle them on a larger scale.

He hasnt asked for them, and for the most part children want no part of him or his life now.

Do I give him pictures of us as a happy family?

Do I give him pix of the kids? I know he is their father, but he hasnt asked for pix and he threw us all away for a younger family

Maybe it would be a nasty thing..turn the screw as children now dont want contact with him..give him a glimpse of what he threw away?

I dont want him to have any phots that have me in them, but then OW would see that we did have many happy times in spite of lies X has told her.

so far all I have pulled out are photos that have him or his family in them. I dont want them...ever. Its just a reminder of all the pain he put me thru. Some of the photos are nice, but have my X in them..I want to scratch his pix out. Maybe this is not the time to be doing this. I am overwhelmed by it all, but I also need to downsize.

Then there are many photos of him obviously drunk or high. Im sure him and his new fiance would like them for a scrapbook. Those I definately send

Also found was a photo of my daughter at the lake. In the photo with her is a young girl. Photo was taken summer or 2 before his affair. The other young girl was daughter of woman at the lake whom he was starting to develop an affair with. I could see what was happening and it never developed into anything, but he can have that photo as well and explain to OW who the girl in photo is.

But what have you done with all the pix and mementos from a long term marriage (I was married 26 years) I guess I should sort some in case my children ever want them. Maybe make a box for each child

Sunrise,

I don't ahve an answer for you but I know where you'r coming from.

I have very few pix, W still has them all. I have thought about getting some but I'm afraid of depressing myself by looking at them.

I think you're right, now may not be the time to be doing this. I would try to find another way to downsize.

WIWH

It has been 18 months since he left. I thought maybe it would help me to heal some more to close another door. Get something done that needs to be done

but , yes it is depressing me. Althougyh we had some good times together, I have to preface that by saying..

my X is has multiple addictions, I could never fill his love bank because of the addictions. All the fun times we did have, he very shortly forgot about. That is maybe why he has not asked for any pix,

1) it is a validation that I was not as he portrayed me to OW

2) it forces him to see activities that he participated in but doesnt remember, or is very foggy about.

3) it forces him to confront his addictions

Sunrise

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 1) it is a validation that I was not as he portrayed me to OW

2) it forces him to see activities that he participated in but doesnt remember, or is very foggy about.

3) it forces him to confront his addictions </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this necessary for you to move on with your life?

I don't want to sound harsh, but this all sound like a way to get back at him. I don't think that this is your intention, but it seems that it is all that it will serve.

I think your kids would value the pix more and you don't need to defend your true self to anyone, especialy to OW

WIWH

I do not want to do this to get back at him. I am just saying that that maybe why he hasnt asked so far for the pix

This was a big thing for him..taking so many pix. I know he will eventually want them, and many of them I dont want. Him and his family hurt me terribly and I dont want any reminders of him at all.

For me to move on I need to get rid of these, figure what goes where who gets what and have one more chapter here closed. I have a wonderful man in my life now, a man who treats me the way I should have been treated for the last 28 years and neither of us want pix of either his x or my x hanging around.

My x abused and raped me, no matter how long I was married, and it was large part of my life, I dont want any reminders in my new life. It is not a revenge thing for me. If I wanted revenge, I have multiple quivers full of lethal weapons. I have let revenge die with my marriage.

The remark about the drug/alcohol photos was tongue in cheek.

Sunrise

Sorry I misinterpreted your intentions.

It sound like you should go through them and then just pick out what you or yor kids may want and give the rest to him to deal with.

You could probably get through them without great detail, you'll probably recognize times that your interested in looking through at a quick glance of a few pictures.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my X is has multiple addictions, I could never fill his love bank because of the addictions. All the fun times we did have, he very shortly forgot about. That is maybe why he has not asked for any pix, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--OR, maybe he just really doesn't care about the pictures.

I kept all the pictures. I made an album for the oldest (including pictures of dad, and us as a happy family unit). It is all part of their lives, something not to be forgotten. I am in the process of doing a second album, then a third -- and eventually will do one for him. I'm not at the point where I think he would really appreciate the pictures at this point, so they sit there for now (it's been 5 years!). I did go through all of the pictures though and give him all the ones that were *his* (hobbies, specific trips that he took himself, and before marriage pics).

Sunrise - I took all of the pictures - including wedding pictures, family pictures and put them in a plastic box in the attic - that way - I don't have to look at them - but they will be there when the children get older if they want them... I was gonna of course have a lovely burning of the wedding photos - but thought hey we are the girls parents they might want them some day ....

Save them for the kids.
As someone said, put them in a plastic box and when the kids question them, you'll have them.

Mine are in a storage box...

Ironically, when I found out Monkey had helped clean my old house in TN after we moved to GA (how helpful a OW she is), I marched out to street with my gorgeous wedding portrait that copy of hangs in photographers' studio to this very day in TN...

Now it's in basement storage at Jethro's house and whenever FV or any other OW goes in there, they have to see the best pic of me ever...photographer says I look like Rachel Hunter in it btw..

So a constant reminder of me, white wedding dress up close, very close and that I am not an ugly fat hag that they wish I would have been.

I will be glad to dump them onto him and am going to do a "burning of the photo" of the xh's side of family including xh probably soon. My counselor said to have a "last rite" to put my M to rest when I feel the time has indeed come. She has said it is very healing indeed and did it herself. You write a real eulogy. Then bury or burn something that had meaning to you to signify that part of your life is over. Like a real funeral but small micro scale. I am almost there. Good idea.

All of the wedding photos and "before kids" pics of me and my XH are in storage. The kids will want them someday.

All of the family photos are in albums in the living room. My kids LOVE to look at them. There is one album per year since our first child was born.

I gave a lot of duplicate photos to XH and some that were just him or just him and the kids, most I kept in the albums.

I've done nothing. I'm not big on lots of photos in frames needing to be dusted. But I love my albumns. Eventually, I'll be adding some from the last 3 years that show us as a family. And I'll be glad to have them and sad that it didn't have the "happily ever after" ending.

But, I didn't take any exboyfriends out. And I won't take out an exhusband, the father of my children. Of course, I wasn't raped either.

Sunrise - I would make an album for the kids. As for your X, he made the choice of deserting and betraying you. That is his problem now. I am sure the kids would like to have an album of what once was a happy family.

I haven't done anything with my pictures, cause it hurts too much. As far as the wedding album, I am going to make an album for each of the kids. And select a picture out of the album for each of the kids. Otherwise, I will dispose of the rest of the pictures. I will make an album for myself as well.

I enjoy my children and the pictures, but when I see X in them there is a pain soo... deep. So I am not ready to do this right now. My marriage was 25 years, of long time memories.

It takes time hon, and the best thing to do with them now, is put them away and when the right time comes, then do something with the pictures.

Part of the betrayal and hardship. Seems like all of our X's are just moving along with their bimbos in line, and just acting like nothing happened. They don't see the pain and suffering that we endure for years.

Part of the betrayal and hardship. Seems like all of our X's are just moving along with their bimbos in line, and just acting like nothing happened. They don't see the pain and suffering that we endure for years.

Isn't that the truth. My H is totally in denial about any hurt he may be inflicting. And, it seems everyone I've talked to is ok with his affair. If the tables were turned, I would have been sacrificed already.

I when first divorced wondered the same thing. What do I do with these pictures? I was filled with so many mixed emotions at that time.
Now that over three years have gone by I have decided that I will keep the pictures. No matter what he was my H for 17 years. He is the father of my children and I hope my kids will cont to look at those pics and know that they did have a good childhood. That they did grow up in a happy home for most of their lives. Your ex is still part of your past, your history and why get rid of that?

MINE ARE JUST IN WITH ALL MY OTHER PICTURE ALBUMS IN A CABINET. ALL MY KIDS ENJOY LOOKING AT THEM. EX WAS QUITE A RAT WHILE I WAS MARRIED TO HIM, BUT THAT IS PAST TO ME. HE IS STILL MY BOYS DAD, AND THEY ARE CLOSE TO HIM

Don't store them in a plastic box. Maybe something more archivally correct.

Every now and then I go through the albums and pull out photos of him to give to him. Pictures of him with the children are a dime a dozen. Pictures of me with the children are scarce as hen's teeth. No one has been around to make them.

I won't get rid of all the pictures of him but I won't have them sitting out. He is the children's father, after all.