Well friends, my W got back from a week's vacation in the islands last nite with her 9 yr old D. We spoke today on the phone and she said she did alot of thinking on the beach in the Caribbean. She said she is in deep pain and that being in touch with me is not helping her at all. A month ago she said she liked when I came to visit her in Canada and enjoyed having me around. Now after no contact for a week she realizes that it's not in her best interest to be in touch. She said she is having trouble moving on with her life, and to stop the phone calls and emails. Well, there goes my chance to make any deposits into her Love Bank. So that's it folks. Party's over. I'm in New England, she's in Quebec, no chance to run into each other, no phone calls, no emails, no contact. I'm I at the part of the program where you all say to me, "it's over and move on rick!" Should I cancel my MB counseling that I start this week? Needless to say, she wants no part of that either. Anybody out there? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

RSUPP

Her liking having you around seemed to be a good thing, however, phonecalls, e-mail, and being around do tend to push a WS further away.

Back off on the contact with her. Try to wait for her to contact you. Make sure that you don't talk about getting back together.

Keep your end of your conversations short and about regular stuff. Not anything that would feel pushy or threatening to her.

Continue to try to meet her EN's as much as you can at her pace.

There is still hope but you need to let her have the time and space that she wants.

WIWH

Hi WIWH,
How does one meet her EN's or make deposits whe she wants no contact?

BTW folks, there is no OM in my situation.

Give her some time.

Giving her the NC will show her that you respect her wishes.

Maybe send her a card now and then to let her know that you care and are thinking about her but don't make it emotional or personal. Just a friendly "Thinking about you" jesture.

Okay WIWH, I'll do that, but you have to admit, this is the wrong direction huh? It doesn't look good. Is there any benefit for me to start my MB counseling this week?

Put it this way,

Do you want that advice from me, or the professional that you have the appointment scheduled with?

Hey, I'll be working in CT this week, still looking foward to that tall cold one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thx brother. My email is rsupp_4@hotmail.com, write me with where and when and the cold one's got your name on it.

Don't cancel the MB counseling.
At best, it can help you recover your M.
At worst, it can help you heal from the M.
And you can't move on until you deal with the issues of the current M and heal.

my W got back from a week's vacation in the islands last nite with her 9 yr old D. We spoke today on the phone and she said she did alot of thinking on the beach in the Caribbean
Any chance she was not alone with her daughter?

BTW folks, there is no OM in my situation.
And you know because?
Perhaps her ex?

Should I cancel my MB counseling that I start this week?
Why would you cancel?

Needless to say, she wants no part of that either.
Would be good if she was involved but it is not a necessity.

Chris is very very good and right on money..

It's either MLC or A.

How do you know if she was alone on the cruise? There are separate activities for kids and adults as week I first separated (first of two sep's) from my xh, I went alone on a cruise with my then 3 yo son.

I got "hit on" constantly on the cruise. I was too trying to think and decide if I would file for D. Not very condusive to reconciliation imho. Although I didn't respond to it.

But...I would add that my xh is a master of deception and has brought my son on two, yea, count em 2 trips with son and OW (plural). He got separate room for OW and arranged for babysitting after son was asleep to get to shackup after hours with OW...it's easy if you do the logistics I guess.

Just my .02. I'd get a detective and some information first. You don't even know what you're up against. You live in 2 different cities and she's wanting out.

No OM and all our mutual friends corroborate with that. She's just flat out burned out from me. Had my MB counseling session today and the counselor suggested I try to get her to read LM, EN and Love Bank stuff. FORGET IT!!! All that phone call did was bug her more and she accuses me of being full of s%%t and manipulative. I give up, think it might be time to cut my losses and call the lawyer. My best to all of you hanging in there. We have no contact, she wants no phone calls/emails, and she's in another country folks. You all agree it's time to pull the plug? Or shall I just dish out another 5 grand for counseling with out her and then pull the plug.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aborts baby 10/16/03
W goes back to Canada 10/22/03
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">how was she before event?

if she was fine, or normal, etc, then she is blaming you for the abortion, or something is going on internally. . .

second, your age difference might have made you feel good, but possibly, the gap was too large. . . and since you have only been together for four years, and have kids, there are many more issues than just LB deposits. . .

i would see a lawyer, and prepare to salvage your finances, and just sit and wait. . . unless there is something financial to lose if you do just wait. . .

wiftty

Thanks WIFTTY,
We planned this baby and she was excited, she was fine but a bit leary because we were fighting a little. She blames me for the abortion because I crossed her line with a dumb comment about what to name our baby. (wantd to name after my deceased brother, she said she hated the name and I persisted jokingly and set her off) she felt she had no choice but to abort as she did not wish to want to have the baby alone. She seemed ok with the age difference which I brought up often. (I look 35 and turning 50 soon).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We planned this baby and she was excited, she was fine but a bit leary because we were fighting a little. She blames me for the abortion because I crossed her line with a dumb comment about what to name our baby. (wantd to name after my deceased brother, she said she hated the name and I persisted jokingly and set her off) she felt she had no choice but to abort as she did not wish to want to have the baby alone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so she chose to abort the pregnancy?

and that was because you were tormenting her with a name she didn't like or want?

have i got this right?

wiftty

RSUPP

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> All that phone call did was bug her more and she accuses me of being full of s%%t and manipulative. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was she on the MB call with you or did you call her on advice from MC?

Call to her may have been too soon after her wanting NC.

You must remember that a WS in the fog just gets pushed further away when there is any threat of reconciliation attempts.

Trying to get her to do anything to work on M right now will make her want the M even less. You will seem pushy, needy, and perhaps manipulative.

Is she going to want to be with someone like that.

You need to take time to work on improving yourself. Make the best persson that you can out of you.

If she comes around and starts contacting you, she will see that better person. Someone more desirable than you seem to her right now.

If she doesn't come around , you will still be that better person.

Trust me, It's hard, but as time goes on, it gets easier. Especialy when you start to see yourself as a better person.


And like peachy said, even if she left on vacation alone with D, that doesn't mean that she was always alone. I'm not saying that she had A, but she may have gotten the idea that she could have something else. Someone that she sees as better than you right now. You need to be that better person.

WIWH

Hi WIFTY,
The comment was poorly timed as she was very hormonal and often asked me to give her a little emotional allowance. The comment catalyzed all her stored up rage and dissapointment over the previous 24 months with my lack of emotional support, my repeated emotional withdrawals from myself and the marriage, all stemming from my inability to cope with my financial woes.