After years of verbal and emotional abuse, I asked her to leave. Now she has a lawyer who told her to move back in, or at least close so she can annoy me everyday. She comes over and takes anything she wants, including things that belong to the kids. They are pissed about it. Anyway, I changed the locks as per my lawyer, but then he tells me later that she can break in and legally. Cops say nothing they can do, lawyer says nothing her can do, just not to hit her. Everyday I go home wondering what will be missing. I have two kids to take care of, and she is deliberatly trying to make it hard. I think that we should get on our senators and demand that some legislation be passed for this outrageous behavior. Seems like the "defendant" has all the rights. She can take anything and sell it and there is nothing I can do. BS.I understand how people get physically hurt in this type of stuff. We are helpless against them, just like all those years we put up with addictions, and abuse. Things need to change.

<small>[ March 08, 2004, 07:57 AM: Message edited by: Hired Help ]</small>

I'm sorry that you had to find your way here. It's an awful feeling to be abused, belittled and continue on with life raising kids. Men also are abused, but very little is said about it. I am the wife that was abused, and he was the "Plaintiff" who pressed forward with all the legal motions and I was the "Defendant". In my case, the defendant certainly didn't "get everything".

There are programs out there for abused partners (male or female) that I would highly recommend. Get involved in their programs, for they will help you protect the kids, protect your property and legally protect your rights. It's not the "things" that count in the end, it's the relationships you build with your kids that are priceless. Hitting is never acceptable. Is what she is doing crazy making -- yes, but she already knows what she has to do or say to anger you. She is banking on you getting mad enough to strike out at her and then you will be the one out on your butt. Take the program, learn from it and teach your kids what healthy relationships is all about.

Get a court order that specifes that you are the one in the house, then tape that on both the front and back windows of the house. Any locksmith will be unable to change the locks.

Take the time and do a complete inventory of the household belongings. File it with your lawyer. What she takes will be part of HER half when settlement is being reviewed.

Get the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. It will help you recognize what you are going through and how not to become entangled in her "games".

So far she has taken all of her clothes, and anything she can that belonged to her family. She isn't leaving anything for her own kids. Everything that I had gotten from my family, she has gotten rid of, and replaced it with stuff from her family. I dont have a problem with her taking those things, but I do have a problem with the way she is doing it. This is going to get worse on a larger scale. My daughter who I adoped, she is the birth mother, asked me when she was in 9th grade that if I left, I would take her with me. Since then, she has gotten older and married. Her new husband of less than a year tells her he didnt think I treated her mother right. What her didnt know is that I was getting yelled at for 2.5 hours and when I finally told her to shut up, he was in the doorway. Now she see's his side since she is the wife and should be a good christian and do what he says. She is siding with her mom now, but still uses me for things like car repairs and wont think twice of asking me for something. She knew what was going to happen in advance. I asked her what else she thought I could do to fix things, since she is all knowing with the books she read. She had nothing, but she loves me. Now she feels I made a mistake, that I didnt give her mom a chance. I did. I tried, I begged and pleaded for MC but she said no. What else could I have done. We got to a point where the only thing we did was fight and couldnt have a conversation without her yelling, saying I was wrong etc. She was the authority on right. I had to try to save myself and my kids. I felt I had no other choice. She wanted me to say I was sorry and mean it and we could go back to the way we were. That way sucked.