Posted this a few months back but it was probably lost in the other stuff on the thread ...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ex Princess Buttercup:
<strong> I had a scary thought the other night. If I died, my family (sisters, mom, etc.) would never see my kids again... my ex would have nothing to do with my family. I wonder if there is something you can put in writing that would give visitation rights to grandparents, aunts, etc. in the case of death of a parent... that really shook me up. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any ideas?

Granparents have successfully sued for visitation several times that I personally know of.

I don't know if something in write would help. But what if you made your parents, or siblings the trustees of your estate should you die before the youngest is 18? As trustees, they'd be able to have access to the children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think a good estate lawyer can help you there.

After 18, the kids can make their own choices.

Hmmmm, how are you otherwise?

It's true, maybe they won't, maybe they will.

What caused you to think this?

I've wondered about this too.
I can't imagine my children growing up in his replicated emotionally void childhood.
I have my sister in mind to administer a trust, but haven't officially named her yet.

Buttercup - to wonder what if you die? This is normal, now that you are in control of your family matters. Being one of wanting things organized, knowing that my children are taken care of, having the legal matters of my death, and estate taken care of, is part of a divorce. We are the ones who are empaths, compassionate, caring individuals. So therefore, we dive into these matters, cause they are pertinent to our everyday life. No longer do I want no insurance, no power of attorney, no life insurance, no wills. I want to have things done, to alleviate my children from having to take care of these matters under extreme distress. Death is hard enough in itself, and have to think during death is more difficuilt.

Yes, you can state in your Will, whatever you want. There are many power of attorneys out there that will help you put in writing what needs to be stated. For someone of the family can contradict what is written if not done properly. Therefore, it is critical to have a good power of attorney, and get everything you would like to have drawn written in concise wording.

So difficult, but needs to be done.

I found my attorney through recommendations, and am still working on my life. It is a long process, but something that all of us need to do, so the government doesn't try to pull what you have into their arms. My children deserve whatever I have, even if it is a shack. But I know that my cremation is covered, and they can say goodbye without all the added stress.

This was very thoughtful of you to write this on the board. Many of us don't want to think about this part of our lives. But we all know that our time is coming, and only God knows when that time will be. Thank you for writing this thread, and yes, get everything you want written in precise legal wording and you can rest in peace.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by deadtoitall:
<strong>What caused you to think this? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My sister died in December. If her ex hated my family the way MY ex does, we would never see those kids again until they were 18, and by then their minds would have been poisoned against us so badly that they wouldn't want to see us. Thankfully he is a better person and happy for the help with the kids. Even though I'm sure my mother is driving him nuts. ;}

My ex and his family are a real nightmare and they would do everything in their power to keep my family away from the kids should something happen to me. The trust sounds like a good idea. One of my sisters is the executor of the trust for my deceased sister... maybe I could talk to her. Thanks!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong>I don't know if something in write would help. But what if you made your parents, or siblings the trustees of your estate should you die before the youngest is 18? As trustees, they'd be able to have access to the children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I think a good estate lawyer can help you there. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm. I wonder if I can make multiple people the trustees so that each of those people has access to the children? I wonder what "access" would be allowed or required? ... Thanks for the idea and I'll definitely look into this.

Hmm..wonder if you could put a clause in your will that your husband has to allow your children to visit their relatives until they reach the age of 18?

XPB,

If you have a life insurance policy on yourself--
you can make a family member the trustee over the inheritance--if the children are under 18 when you die--

that way--

1. Your ex doesn't have access to the monies to just spend however he wants--

2. your kids would have to call your family to get the money--letting them know what's going on in their lives and such--ensuring communication <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It wouldn't matter what they needed the money for-
as long as it was something for THEM and not dad
because it's theirs--

Just something to consider--

TR expressed my idea better than I did orginally. Thanks.

My insurance is set up to be held in trust until such time as the children are 23 and out of college. You don't have to stop at 18. But for your purposes XPBC, the youngest being 18 would be adequate.

Here's whatI did, but first, the disclaimer: my lawyer has explained to me that this will not hold up in court for the purposes it was originally intended. However, what it WILL do is help my family (and his) in their subsequent court case to gain access/custody of the children. MY wishes would have to be taken into consideration by the judge. Ok, on to what I did...

Two years ago, I named my children in my will; more specifically, I named the CUSTODY of my children as property in my will (Or something like that, my lawyer actually took care of it, so I don't really know all the intracicies of it). At any rate, I bequeathed the custody of my children to my brother- and sister-in-law, rather than my husband. Furthermore, I have a notarized affidavit explaining WHY custody of my children should not be automatically given to my now stbx husband. I also have documents from medical professionals attesting to his being unfit to SOLELY care for the girls and copies of his medical records proving his medical condition (which he does not treat).

I explained to my husband my reasons behind it; I'm not going to pretend that he liked it, but he understood. I know, though, that the will wouldn't hold up in court. My lawyer explained that thoroughly. Why I did it is because, as ofthen (and now), he's NOT the best provider for the girls... and, I need to look out for THEIR best interests. It would be wrong for me to HOPE for the best if I died, when I can prove what's best for them now and set up the case for the people who WOULD be best for them ~ or at the very least, ensure their places in my little girls' lives.