I recently posted a problem and had a few responses given to it. Well, I've given in to his internet sexual chatting. I feel he is getting phone numbers from other women and they have his. And that phone contact has now been established. He asks me to trust him, that he knows where the line is drawn and that he will NOT cross it. But I feel he has crossed it. But yet, I keep my silence to keep the peace. Each time there was a difference of opinion about what he calls his privacy and "entertainment" I was always made to feel I was the wrong one. From his telling me that I was jealous of the computer to his now telling me that his mother thinks I am insanely jealous. I am NOT jealous of any machine. BUT I do feel that it's cheating to talk sexually to women on the net, to show them more attention and affection than he does to me. Now he tells me there are times when he feels he may want to travel alone as this is was his life before we met. I have given in to the internet deal, I put up with being called insanely jealous, now what, I am to say, sure honey, travel like you did before we met, go enjoy yourself away from me. I will be just fine while your gone? What's next? Is this what happens when you give in? HELP ME PLEASE!! I am so sad, so hurt emotionally inside and my tears are flowing like a river right now. Oh I forgot this, for Valentines Day, he told me we didn't need to have cards, flowers, candy or stuff like that, as we already know we love each other...What am I to make of that statement?

cyndi,
You said that you posted this topic before, I did a search and couldn't find it. My question is, are you married? If not, I hope you see the big red flags here. His behavior is absoultly not acceptable in a healthy relationship and you are not wrong for feeling the way you feel.
Also by you giving in is only adding fuel to the fire.
He says that he knows where the line is drawn??!!??!!! I don't think so. He has already crossed the line.<p>SH

Cindi,
It sounds like a classic male way to hide what he knows is wrong. I am a man, and this is how we, unfortunately, operate. You have drawn the line and he has crossed it, now what? What were the consequences if he crossed? IF he is finding his fun somewhere other than you, you will have to decide if you will live with this, and with the nest step and the next, or if you will set a boundry and stick to it. There have to be consequences, and they have to be imposed. But they have to be done in a loving way or you will just driove him deeper. Don't yell or threaten, and don't beg. Tell him what is on your heart,a nd then say that for your good and for the good of your relationship you have to draw a line with consequences. Prepare for a counterattack though. "You don't trust me" stuff. No, you don't, that is the point. But you do love him, and that is the point too. <p>Hope this helps.

Cyndi, don't do this!! Don't allow your husband to continue while you are there just waiting and watching!! DO SOMETHING...taking steps to let him know just how unacceptable this is, taking any steps in that direction is much better then just sitting by and letting him destroy his life and then yours!!! Do you have kids?? If so, do you want them exposed to this?? Do you really want to be exposed to this kind of garbage??? <p>Come on please, find help. I don't know exactly what you could do...but don't just do nothing!! Would you let your loved one continue to do illegal drugs or drink excessivly if you knew it was ruining thier lives?? I hope not and this is no different! <p>Take a stand....tell him he needs to stop or you will leave. And then make plans to actually leave! Tell him you don't want a divorce, but you need him to go to marriage counsling with you or you can't stay....tell him something and do it now...but please, don't just stand by and let this happen. Take a strong stand and then follow through...his and your life are at stake!

And please Cyndi, don't let his "controlling behavior" control you. You mentioned his making you feel guilty and that he and his mother tell you you are jealous...come on, wake up and smell the coffee. Do you know anything about addictions and how the individual as well as other family members can work together to allow the addicted person to continue the addiction and then they get angry toward anyone who comes along and rocks their boat??? Are you aware of what has happened to you?? You are giving in to insanity here. Don't do it!! Take a reality check NOW!! Go talk to healthy individuals who are not a part of your familiy, like a good honest counsler or a pastor or someone you trust, and ask them to help you understand what is happening here. <p>I am concerned for you Cyndi...truely concerned.<p>[ February 03, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</p>