What is wrong with me?????

I think I am doing better and then wham...it is like gut wrenching pain again.

Ex has been out of the picture for a few months...working out of state. Makes it a lot easier for me to handle when he is gone.

His job has ended...and tonight, he and his "wife" bounced right into my son's basketball game and sat two rows down from us and two seats over. Uncomfortable to say the least. Jim finally grabbed her hand and they moved over to the other side of the bleachers. She smiled as she walked past. Makes me sick...when does that ever go away?

About a month ago, Jim and bimbo sent a flurry of emails to me degrading me, attacked my character, which got to be a huge emotional mess because I sent him and his family an email telling them that we needed his child support--the kids needed glasses...and on and on. It got so bad, I finally said enough and blocked them from our email account for a few weeks.

Now, he is out of work again...and he and his floosy are back here again. Very hard to take. They came to the game tonight in matching shirts, she had on a new leather coat and and shoes that must have had heels that were 8 inches or so in height.

The really hard part was when my son was excited to see him. I know logically that that is good---but who has been here with him going to his practices and all of his games, doing his homework every nite, scheduling play dates, transporting him here and there. And then he sees his dad---this is just too hard. The scary part is not knowing if I will ever get past the betrayal and hurt. I don't know if I will.

It will be three years since he moved away April 1. Life has been hard....financially I am still struggling, emotionally between my kids, my mom (who isn't doing well) and my work--I am worn out.

How can he continue to flaunt her in front of us---knowing that it still hurts us? How can he show his face around here--knowing he isn't supporting his family financially? Does the FOG ever wear off?

Guess I am just venting. I am surprised at the depth of emotion that hit me tonight. I thought I was past a lot of these emotions. When she walked past me to go into the bathroom at the end of the game...I was so tempted to go in and punch her in the face. Amazing that I still feel so much hatred toward them yet.

Sorry for the vent....Pat

Pat - I can't really say when the pain will go away. But it hurts to see that the one you gave your life to and heart to betrays you and flaunts his new wife to you. It is hard when you are the one that is there every night doing the homework, doing the laundry, the dishes, cooking, and working. And he plays the part of holding hands with the bimbo.

Can't say it will get any easier, but when the wayward spouse moves out of state that is so much easier than when they are in the same state as yourself. I wished my X would move out of state months ago. He has a house in Arizona, but he lives with his mommy. Which she lives only about 3 miles away.

The wayward spouses act so childish and deliberately don't care about your feelings. It is hard Pat, but in the end they will get their return.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he and his "wife" bounced right into my son's basketball game and sat two rows down from us and two seats over. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Next time just yell out

"Hey Jim, You got my child support check Yet or did you spend it all all leather and steletos"

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 09, 2004, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

Thanks guys for replys...

Faith4me,

I know it has been a long hard road for both of us. I hate to know that life is passing us by and feeling like this still.

This is hard!!!!

WishI Were Home,

Wish I could think that fast during the moment. I got a good chuckle out of that...thanks. Maybe I can use it the next time I see them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sometimes I think I can't handle anymore that life has to throw at me. I am tired of feeling like this. I just feel completely worn out. I have read many of the posts out now and am so envious of people who have made it past this mess and moved on to a happier life. Maybe my expectations are just too great. I don't know...I am just tired of feeling rejected, and thrown away. I am tired of trying to feel good...I am tired of trying to find solutions to the myriad of problems that keep popping up. I still feel this huge chaotic mess inside...and I know logically that it isn't good--but my heart still feels broken.

Oh...whine, whine, whine....I hate that too....Off to bed. Pat

I know how you feel. Its just so overwhelming. All the things we have to deal with on a daily basis while WS is out living the crefree life all over again. Homework, last min trips to get forgotten necessity for school project, the gallon of milk even seems like a major trip..

and it is when you are carrying everything yourself.

I have been struggling with the bills. My health insurance cost $120 more than I was quoted before I agreed to financial terms of divorce. X wanted me to sell my car cause insurance is due, complaining how much it was to have daughter on policy.

and I just found out last nite that he went on vacation 2 weeks ago to Bermuda UGGHHHHHHH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

After 5 years, I have decided that it doesn't ever get easier. Fortunately, I have never met the OW. He tried to bring her to a couple of things - he once tried to bring her in our house when we were preparing it for sale. He wasn't expecting me to be home, and actually had the gall to ask me to take the toddler who had a fever of 103 out. I refused and insisted the OW stay in the car. My kids are not heavily involved in sports. My H brought my daughter to one game, at my daughter's request, when I wasn't there - and interestingly, the OW stayed in the car.

My older kids have nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, some of the kids are scared to insist that he spend time alone with them, though they desperately want him too, because they are afraid he will tell them he never wants to see them again.

It doesn't get easier, and unrelentling poverty just makes it worse. In my husband's case, he was the one with the new leather jacket (but fortunately not high heels <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) that he acquired while the kids were on Free Lunch at school because he pays so little child support.

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 06:19 AM: Message edited by: Nellie1 ]</small>

Keep pushing the child support agencies to collect from him.
And don't be too proud to ask for help, whether through WIC or a local church.
People are willing to help, just ask.

For those who are still struggling, I strongly suggest a divorce support group. I know you don't have the time to go, but you need time to yourself. Get out and talk to other people. In most cases, it's free, and it's like peer counseling. These people know the networks for help, and you could make some really good friends.

I can totally sympathize with a lot of your feelings. Especially the way your ex can walz in and get your children so excited to see him when you know he's not a good dad in so many aspects. My ex doesn't live far away so his reasons for not seeing our two children often isn't due to distance or out of town work. He just doesn't have them on his priority list and he never has. He and his wife are busy socializing and IF they have a break in their schedule he'll see his kids (i.e. maybe a day a month at best). He point blank told his 11 yr. old daughter that her soccer games were not important enough for him to attend. Due to his actions towards his kids over and over for the past 7 years I more then loath he and his wife. It sickens me to see his kids about fall over their feet when he does call or give them and ounce of his time. They don't fall over me like that and I'm the one driving them back and forth 5 nights a week for traveling soccer or church or friends. I'm always home and I'm always there for them. My daughter's eye's don't light up when I buy her a stuffed animal. The thing is...no matter what type of dad your ex is they still love him unconditionally and when you except that you'll deal with it better. Yes, you have the majority if not all of the work that is involved in raising those children to be adults they can be proud of. But you know what? You DO have them every night and he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't realize that he's got the short end of the stick but some day he'll be the one who is bad off, not you. When your tired at the end of the day from working, stressing about kids, finances etc..remember your still the winner.

you have every reason to be wore out, and whine. I simply do not understand divorced exspouses who don't pay their support money (which is bad enough) but also ingnore their kids. Even if people can't live together maritally they can still be good to each other, the kids, and pay the bills. When that doesn't happen it is more stressful, miserable and hard pat. Why isn't the court system all over him?

(((((( mnm ))))))

I have one piece of advice (that wasn't really asked for <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )....

Stop expecting anything from your ex!

It's easier said than done, for sure. But from what I've read, your dismay has it's root in what HIS responsibilites are, and what HE is supposed to pay, and how HE is supposed to act, and what HE can afford, etc.

Can you make the mental decision that he is never going to own up to his responsibilities? So that whenever he actually does, it'll be like an unexpected gift?

I only have this screaming out at me, b/c it's something I have to do in my situation. I have an ex who hasn't paid one penny in child support (although agencies are on his a$$). I have 3 boys aged 4 1/2 yrs old and under; all of whom should have the opportunity for college and university... let alone new clothes and shoes for each growth spurt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And I cannot rely on their father one bit.

It's not worth it to hope that he'll come to his senses, and stop "showing Karen" by denying HIS CHILDREN basic needs. UGH!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Deadbeat parents burn my butt! They really do!

Thank God our kids have us to care for them. And don't think they don't know it... even if they don't show it in ways you'd like to see sometimes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Hey guys!!!

Thank you all for your replies....we just got back from my younger daughter's basketball tournament. They won!!! Yea....

This is just hard...it has almost been three years...and it is still hard. What a disruption this has been in all of our lives, emotionally, physically, and financially.

I just don't see any end to this horror...I know it could be worse...we have a house, I have a job, and we have our health. I have 4 wonderful kids....but it is still a struggle. Our relationships with our "family(my husband's family)" that we knew for years is strained to say the least. I have one in college and one is a senior both struggling to stay afloat financially and still go to school. I am working my heart out at school for a teacher's salary....Boy, I never knew the true heartache of divorce before. It is horrible...and the ripples from it just keep on going.

The heartbreak is knowing that I did love and support this man through our whole marriage...the heartbreak is hearing what he is saying about me and our marriage now. The heartbreak is watching what it has done to our family.

How do you get over this?????? We are in a financial tailspin. I just found out I have to pay $700 income tax for state taxes because of the money I received from his retirement. We still owe $3300 on my daughter's tuition for this semester....and next year I will have 2 in college....and they are getting tons of loans and grants. This is sad.

This was supposed to be getting near our retirement years....a time when we shouldn't have had to work so hard. Now, I am just starting from scratch....we have lost everything financially.....I know I should trust in God, but it is scary. Before this happened, I never had a late bill, I could buy my kids clothes, we could do some fun things occasionally.

My mom is in bad shape, and I can't even afford to be there for her.

Yet, I am supposed to be beyond this anger by this point, according to my ex. His wife said I was a "bitter old woman and always would be"...she may be right. I really dislike the sight of them both. They make me sick.

Oh well, I had better get to bed...tomorrow starts our hectic spring soccer season. My daughter has a game in KC at 9:30. Thank you again everyone...I really appreciate your comments...and good advice. I know I will get through this...it is just so damn hard sometimes. Pat

Yea...just checked the mail...they have finally started garnishing his checks. I got a check for $700. Maybe there is hope...Pat

Pat
I dont have four kids only one. You are blessed. I am still in my marriage and trying to make things work. My H is not a cheat we have other problems.

But I want to point out to you that lots of people dot pay for their kids college expenses. My own helped me but certainly didnt cover it. I am disabled now but used to be a college professor. Let me tell you that the ones that are flunking out are almost always the ones there ont he parent's dime. Certainly just being onthe parents dime doesnt mean you'll flunk out. But the students who were not contributing financially to their own education were by far more likely to be doing poorly. You said that your kids got some grants right? They are actaully lucky then becasue lots of kids are completely on their own financially but dont qualify for grant money, they are mostly on loans. But really that is not a bad thing. Knowing you are going to have to pay for something tends to give you incentive to not squander it.

I know several people that have plenty of money, foot the bill, living expenses and all only to have their kid flunk out miserably. One friend told the kid that wa your chance at th efree ride now you are on your own and guess what, she went through on loans and working and is now gettgin ready to start med school in the fall. Another friend who's kid flunked out put the money up for the next semester and once again the kid flunked out. around 15,000$ right down the tubes. Now she is back in school part time, working , paying for school herself and doing well. I could tell you many many more like this.

I just want to encourage you not to worry about not being able to foot a college bill, sometimes this is actaully a blessing in disguise.