my wife and i have been separated for almost 2 yrs. the separation was initiated in the most hurtful manner possible (to me) and many events that followed were handled the same.
here's my dilemma. we have made progress in our relationship since the separation. at the time my wife moved out with the kids, i could not even hold her hand. these days, she seems to enjoy my company and on occasion our relationship has been romantic and physical.
she has said she would like to move back home. but when asked when? she never knows. all the while, financially this event has more or less destroyed me. without this becoming a "slam the wife" fest, she left a considerable debt in my lap and i've had to spend thousands of dollars in attorneys fees over and above the thousands spent in counseling with dr. harley (most of which, she forgot to attend or remained sooooo neutral that the sessions where essentially pointless for her).
my concern is, while i have TOTALLY committed myself since the day she left to addressing exactly what went wrong, it does not seem to me she done anything remotely close to being "unselfish". in her world, i was the blame for our separation and she supposedly worked so hard for years to preserve a healthy relationship. i never saw these efforts nor do i now. she still shows very poor relationship skills, starting with a COMPLETE lack of communication. i am stuck living in a life of "don't get heavy" with a person who is tremendously complacent in life. her separation from me was completely facilitated by her mother (based on the fact I WAS TO BLAME). now, things are in some ways very healthy and largest obstacle to a strong relationship is the fact we live separately and no one is guiding her back home. i dont want to get on my horse about the seemingly far to common torturous pain that is being inflicted on the breadwinner in families these days but...
she continues to deepen her roots where she is living now including the end of year surprise that she purchased a HORSE! the ridiculous nature of this act takes a back seat to the fact she blatantly lied to me when i asked if she was planning on getting a horse. she later admitted she lied. this lie is just another in a VERY long list of hurtful lies. it was established a long time ago that she can justify ANY hurtful behaviour.
i believe whole-heartedly in the mb concepts and i honestly believe they can work. i cannot say i believe in my wife. these concepts must work for people with a desire to do the right thing or minimally not to squander a family. ( yeah she comes from divorced parents so its nothing new to her... )she has continued to "do nothing" for the good of our lives or our children's and what's most problematic is whenever i try to take a path for us, she cannot stick to it. this is a pretty common characteristic in her life. i have no money for a counselor ( i barely have enough $'s for groceries ) which is a terrible thought considering the unbelievable amount of money i make.
i have remained faithful since the day i said "i do". i have been blessed with good looks and i have always kept in good shape. while i've always been (apparently) attractive to women, i could never justify nailing the coffin shut on my wife. these days, its is very difficult spend every single night sitting around "pine-ing for the wife" with an indordinate number of opportunities at my disposal. needless to say, i do not have the support of my friends. especially those who know of the way she conducted herself while living with me.
where i once questioned my behaviour and what it did to our relationship, i now question hers and what it would do our relationship in the future.
any advice would be GREATLY APPRECIATED.
thanks.

Bailey's daddy,<p>I see that you have been here at MB since June of 2000. I assume you have read all the good stuff here and have been in plan A.
A man can do only so much and then its time for plan B. You have to deside. I suggest you post this on GQ2 because there is alot more folks over there that could help you.
Personaly, it sounds as if you are at the end of your rope since she is obviosly taking full advantage of you with no concern for your feelings.
Just my honest opinion. <p>SH

Bailey's Daddy,
I am a new member here. I am similar in view point to what you are going through right now and often wonder what I am doing here, because I am apparantly the only one of us who wants the marriage to work. I like the support I have found on here, it helps to know that others have similar problems and are able to overcome them. If you love your wife, keep trying. It is harder to do than to give up, but I do believe that it is worth it in the long run. Good luck to you.