Have posted a few times, but really need some good advice. Have been divorce 1 month (sep. 17 mos.) X married 2 wks after divorce. I have custody of 13 yr. old boy. We are very close. He also loves his dad very much. I listened in on phone conversation and it kept me up and worried all night. I feel he and new wife are going to try to talk son into wanting to live with them. He barely knows her, but she was in the background saying how much she loves him, (she has 3 kids of her own, still at home) She don't even know my son!!! Dad has told him he is welcome to come with them. Wants son to call and talk to "her" whenever he is not available. It was just sickning!! I was just shocked. X says bad things about me to son. I do not talk bad about him to son. They have moved away (6 hrs) and I am so glad!! x told son I was being so mean and do not want them to be together. He said this just because I will not drive half-way to bring son and go back and pick him up on his visitation week-ends. It was his choice to move away and do not feel bad in any way for not doing this. I am just so worried that he will keep this up and I just want peace and don't want my son sujected to turmoil all the time. He should not have to listen to it. He tells my son that I lie about stuff which is totally untrue. It has really upset me today. My son is so sweet and is such a good person. He doesn't want to be put in the middle. But I feel someday my x will force it on him just so he doesn't want to pay child support. Can someone please give me some advice!?

First off, calm down. Your ex isn't doing anything different then a ton others have done. His new wife is just saying those things in the background to get your goat. It's working too. My ex's wife did the exact same thing to me when we first divorced. They'll tire of it after awhile. Because she's newly married to him she's jumping in 100% to impress him with her love for his son and get your goat at the same time. She isn't "wanting" your son, especially if she has kids of her own to look after living with her. That, she won't admit to your ex either. But, you need to understand that it's perfectly natural for your son to wonder what it would be like to live with dad. He may even some day do that. I know...when ever I think about my kids and living with their dad the hair stands up on my neck so I understand how you feel. But your son needs you to be realistic and you can't be tossing and turning everytime your ex or his wife try to push your buttons. You CAN'T be cutting them down. If fact, avoid discussions about them when you can. No matter how you feel your ex is your son's father and no matter what you say and no matter what he says or doesn't say your son will always love him. Your son needs you to make his life normal. Be involved in his life...keep him active with activities and friends. Heck, he'd never want to move 6 hours away if he's involved in his own community and feels a part of it. Also, in most cases boys are closer to their mom's during the teen years (girls, their dads)so enjoy him...don't fret about the ex.

Hi GHM,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel he and new wife are going to try to talk son into wanting to live with them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But they have not actually asked him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am just so worried that he will keep this up and I just want peace and don't want my son sujected to turmoil all the time. He should not have to listen to it. He tells my son that I lie about stuff which is totally untrue.....

But I feel someday my x will force it on him just so he doesn't want to pay child support. Can someone please give me some advice!? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your H WILL continue to do this. Proceed witht his thought in mind. Stand your ground. I'm sure your son does not want to change schools or loose his friends. None of them ever do! Keep your S involved with local activities and friends... as he gets older, it will be less likely he'll want to uproot his life if he's really involved locally.

I agree, dont discuss this in front of your son... it's a non-issue as far as your concerned. That's just dad, he's so silly. Good luck! - Dru

I couldn't agree with these ladies more. Your XH and his new wife are playing games. As hard as it is, don't get sucked into it. Trust me, I know how you feel. I am dealing with some of the same issues only my XH lives in the same town.

You say that you and your son are very close, trust in this. He is with you and happy, Dad may say things, but your son is old enough to see the truth. I truly believe that when people do things to purposely harm another that their actions will only come back to haunt them. You reap what you sow.

Keep doing what you're doing, stay involved, and try to push your X's actions out of your mind. Time and truth are on your side.

Take care and God bless!
K

Thanks so much for your responses. They did "sooth" me alot and I slept alot better last night. I never dreamed the impact a divorce has on your life. I am the one that left, and it is still very hard. Do you think about it 24/7? It seems to consume me. I live in a small town and there is nothing to do, or no new people. I am 43 and I feel like the best part of my life is already over. My x and I were together since I was 14. At one time, I did love him dearly. Do you think you can honestly find someone the 2nd time around that you love as much as the lst time?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you think you can honestly find someone the 2nd time around that you love as much as the lst time? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you think about it 24/7? It seems to consume me. I live in a small town and there is nothing to do, or no new people. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the real problem. Can you find some courses to take; cooking, dancing, exercise? You've got to work on developing a complete new life. It took a year or so for me to get my feet back on the ground after my 1st marriage. I had to find new single friends who liked to go out at night, who had free time... It's work, but dont give up. Take care - Dru