I told my wife, of and affair that she new about, that I never have sexual relations with that woman. Which was the true.
How ever I had three other affair that involve sex, and I told her that I have never sleep with another woman.
I have to do this other wise she will be devastated.
I consulted my confessor, and he agree with me and gave absolution.
I have not have any other affair for twenty years, and I dont plan too.
What is your opinion.<p>--------------------<p>Jimmie

Jimmie, take that secret to the grave with you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by linbap:
<strong>Jimmie, take that secret to the grave with you.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Why is it men have to lie? Dont you understand it hurts us more when we find out the truth? It does come out eventually and you cause more pain and harm than if you would have been honest in the first place!

Hi J,<p>Welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry you are in this painful situation but you have come to a good place. <p>First of all before you make these life changing decisions that will affect your future, please read the concepts section at the top of this page. Then come on over and post your story on the General Questions II site. There is a lot of support and help there on this topic. <p>Take Care,
L.

Ditto what Orchid said.

Dr. Harley has a very strong stand on this.. radical honesty. In his book 'Surviving an Affair' he tells why. Having such a secret will prevent you and your wife from ever having true intimacy.
There are places in your heart, soul and history you can never go with her so you will always keep that part of you away from her.

Will the knowledge cause her pain. Yep. But I think she has the right to know who she is married to. You said that you never intend to have another affair. Did you intend to have the ones you did? Probably not. There are things that your wife can do to help you avoid repeating this behavior.

The common belief is that a person should take this sort of info to the grave with them and spend the rest of their life making it up to their spouse.

But if she does not know the truth of the condition of her marriage, she will never know that there are things she needs to be doing differently.

As badly as it hurts, I would want to know.

Just my 2 cents.

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 01:28 AM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Jimmie,<p>Here a link to replies to you in a thread on GQII.<p>For Jimmie<p>Estes

Welcome Jimmie,
Hmmmm, very interesting. Do I understand that the physical affairs were 20 yrs ago? And nada since then? And who gave you absolution?
Well, this website does promote honesty. I agree that one should love their partner enough to be totally honest with them. Your partner should be more than your lover-should ideally be your best friend also.
Now put your self in your wife's place. Be honest with yourself while doing this! Would you want to know?
Tell you something.....my h's infidelities spanned over 23 yrs and I knew nothing. He contracted a life threatening std and had to tell me of the latest because he was very ill, needed to be cared for for many months. The truth came pouring out a few months into recovery that he had been unfaithful since a month after our marriage in 1977.
There are days that I feel the one affair would have been plenty to know and recover from....but then I would be living a lie wouldnt I? And why would I want that?
I WOULDN'T, thank you! Tell the whole truth Jimmie, and do it soon!

We were engaged for 6 year. Just little kisses.
Faithful for 20 year.
Then she went in to a depression. I have these sexual encounters, which did not last long, and returned to her when after many request she look for help.
Nothing for other 20 years.
Have to tell her that I masturbated when she was away for as long as 2 weeks rather that have sex with another woman.
I don't think I can tell her.
The whole marriage, whatever few years we have left, will be destroyed.
We have better sex now that we have 40 year ago.<p>Jimmie

Jimmie, I answered your thread over on GQ, but I think the title of this thread is your answer: "HONESTY" Ladysing