Well, in only a day and a half I will begin mediation, fighting to keep the custody of my children the way it is. I thank all of you who have been offering me insights these past two weeks. You have really helped me wade through this, gain new perspectives, and ease my nerves. I don't know what I would've done without you! I have compiled my documents, prepared my case, and am basically just biding my time and fine tuning things.

Now it is time to put it in God's hands and pray that the courts see through my XH's scheming and things work out in the best interest of my kids. I would really appreciate any and all prayers. Any last minute pep talks would do me wonders as well!

Take care and God bless!
K

You hang in there. I have a tough time remebering this but God is really in control. I hate that we all have to go through this.

I will pray for you today.

<small>[ March 11, 2004, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: Pheonix_66 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now it is time to put it in God's hands and pray that the courts see through my XH's scheming and things work out in the best interest of my kids. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I prayed that so many times.... (42 times in court). The wheels of justice do turn.....slowly that is...but they do turn. My prayers are with you! Let us know how it goes.

Prayers for you and your children!
Make sure you walk in calm and collected.
Have a plan ready, even written on paper with multiple copies to hand out to all parties.
Have a calendar handy to map out future custody if anything changes.
You are the prepared one here, show it.
Don't forget to try to dinner/homework visits rather than the overnights.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. I am sitting here this morning, knowing that I have gathered all my information and done all that I can do for now. I also feel ready to puke at any moment! I am hoping that my XH will stick to his usual behaviour of being unprepared and arrogant, but I am not underestimating him by any chance. The hearing is at 2:30 this afternoon and I will give you all an update. Wish me luck!

Take care and God bless!
K

Well - What Happened? Please update!

Well-

You can definately tell I live in a 50/50 state. The mediator actually held my XH's shift work against more than any of his alcohol issues etc.

Right now the plan we are pondering has no real changes during the school year, with the exception of Monday night after school visits on Mondays following my weekends(I wonder where I got that from?) The bulk of the changes come in the summer where there is more flexibility to the kids' schedule and he has been offered a lot of visitation time, but with them still coming home to me at night. He has also been offered extra overnights when he is working days. Although I was far from pleased, he lied a lot and the mediator just went with it, he seemed worse off. He continually threatened to take it to court if this is all he is offered so I guess time will tell.

Even though according to him, money is not the issue he did bring it up a few times. At one point he said he just wanted 50/50 and was willing to leave support as is. I didn't say anything in reference to the money, but instead stuck tight to my objections based on stability, track record, actions, etc. Then when I questioned his ability to get the kids around, etc. he said his fiancee will do it. When I questioned her ability to do this and work he told me she was willing to quit her job if need be to provide him the support needed to gain his kids. I just blew it off. Then at the end when the plan had been formulated and it was obvious that support wasn't changing, he brought up the fact that it should be lowered. He is such a low life. I guess he truly believes that people will fall for his line of BS.

I guess I don't know where I stand right now. It all seems so surreal. Now I need to sit back and weigh everything out. Any advice that can be offered is really appreciated.

It looks like I'm going to take off for the weekend, but will be back at the end of it to carry on.

Talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Chances are he won't even take the extra time in the summer, just use it to decrease CS.
See, it wasn't as bad as you thought.
You did your homework and knew where you stood - in the best interest of the kids.
How did the mediator view his comments that GF would drive the kids around since he lost his license?

Just stay calm. He doesn't have the money to fight for more custody.

Chances are he won't even take the extra time in the summer, just use it to decrease CS.
See, it wasn't as bad as you thought.
You did your homework and knew where you stood - in the best interest of the kids.
How did the mediator view his comments that GF would drive the kids around since he lost his license?

Just stay calm. He doesn't have the money to fight for more custody.

In my opinion, the mediator didn't seem to view his whole lack of license as a real problem. When I questioned it he said that he had transportation covered and that even if his GF was at work, she was only 5 minutes away so it wasn't a problem because if there was an emergency she could be home within minutes.

I don't know, the whole thing was a pain. Although I know it wasn't a courtroom, I felt that the facts were ignored in many areas. I mean come on, the man has a record a mile long and were just supposed to give him the benefit of the doubt. I guess however, as I ponder what happened and look at the proposal, it really is in my favor.

It will be interesting to see what happens this summer. He basically has filled his every non-working, non-sleeping moment with the kids and due to the fact that most of it isn't in overnights nothing has changed with CS it should show his true intentions. I can only imagine what the GF is thinking about all of this as well, seeing they will have the kids a lot more and not any extra money.

In regards to the CS thing, my XH presented a letter from his company showing what he made and brought up his whole overtime theory, etc. I know he thought he would use it to make me out to be the golddigging XW. Instead, she basically told him that CS and visitation were two different things and he would have to take them up accordingly and that the agreement yesterday didn't change anything. He then went on how he is due to lose overtime to which I said when that is actually a provable fact I will talk about it and work with him as if it truly does happen it will be out of his hands. Moreover, when I pointed out what he was paying me the mediator looked at him and said he was lucky I hadn't brought the CS back to court as he would lose and have to pay me what I was entitled. He went on a bit of a rampage saying how I was the only woman he knew of that had CS set up the way I did and how I was getting money that I wasn't entitled to. She stopped him and said I was following the state guidelines to the tee, That he actually should be paying me a lot more money (even I was surprised at what he was making, he was beyond my high estimate by almost $10,000), and that he had better accept it.

It should be interesting to see if how he chooses to proceed. He informed us that he has chosen not to stick with the lawyer who represented him during our divorce and eluded to the fact that he has a new attorney and the money to proceed, but he's always been a good liar. He said repeatedly how he thought court was a waste of money and would prefer to stay on "friendly" terms with me. Yeah right! He actually told the mediator, immediately after he had bashed me for being psychotic and vindictive, that I was a very good person and in general we get a long very well. What's with that? Am I the evil, CS seeking XW or the friend he talked of? Can it go both ways? Anyway, he is planning a wedding, complaining he can barely make ends meet, and still buying things like crazy. I rather doubt he can afford to take this to court and I don't see the GF sinking deeply in debt to cover this no matter how committed to his cause he claims her to be.

I would love to know the mediator's real thoughts as she as a job to stay neutral and try to maximize contact with both parents. A day later, I already am rethinking some of the things I thought she'd done against me and seeing how they really work in my favor.

Thanks for again for all your support. Nobody I know has ever gone through anything like this and while I have an awesome support system, it just doesn't compare to having people who have been through it and understand. Your insights and support mean so much!

Take care and God bless!
K

Is this a sign of things to come,or what?

Today I picked my three oldest kids up from XH's on the way to school. This is something we have been trying and will be part of our new visitation agreement. He will keep the kids Sunday nights on his weekends if he isn't working. He kept the youngest since he wasn't working until tonight.

My mom watches her on Mondays. When I picked the kids up he asked me what time he should bring her to my mom's and I told him that it was up to him as he had stated that he wants more time with her. We left his house at 7:30. The older three kids told me their sister was still sleeping. Anyway, I called my mom at lunch to see if she was there yet and she told me that they had dropped her off at 8:15.

Am I missing something here? I guess I really didn't expect this as he has been so out to prove himself the perfect involved father. He also received some important papers from school on Friday that needed to be returned today. My child's teacher came down and asked me about them and I had to tell her that I had no idea what she was talking about. I don't know, isn't it a little soon to drop the ball?

Take care and God bless!
K

Part of mediation is to make both parties feel like they won and didn't lose. That is, a win-win situation.
It sounds like you could actually go back and get more CS through the courts if you felt like it.
So be happy with the time, and keep a log on how much time he is actually spending with the children as in this am.

Also, a counselor suggested I keep a "parenting journal" listing things such as missing papers, parent-teacher conferences, doctor, dentist & counseling appts. to prove who is really parentign the kids.

Get on it. You sound like you are OK with it. And trust me, you'll appreciate the time to yourself - after you get over missing them.

I understand your feelings...my xh has used the wistress/wife now to be the designated chaeuffer and he's got her staying at home doing what I used to do (although I did it much better). They use the OW to do this btw..it irks me and that is a sore spot with regard to me.

I am also in favor of keeping logs of docs, etc.

Hang in there. My x couldn't make it thru mediation as he fired his attorney on way into it and didn't agree w/the mediator and thought him an idiot when the mediator said he couldn't have all things his way...

Still reeling -

I know it's been a VERY LONG TIME since I posted, but every once in a while I check back in to see what's up.

Funny, I just went through mediation with my ex over the kids at the beginning of March and so I do know exactly what you went through. Although at my mediation, I asked to speak to the mediator alone and so she did spend some time alone with me and with ex. Otherwise it would have just been another bit*h session for ex and a whole lot of wasted money.

Ex said all the same things yours did, about how his new wife would be there to take care of the kids, that all he wanted to do was to work things out yadayadayada, but in the end, his desire not to spend any more money won out and he pretty much agreed to my settlement proposal - the same one that when I sent it to him in Jan. he said no go. What happened in between, was the first day of our custody trial complete with unfavorable testimony including the court expert who was on my side - saying the children are better off with a biological parent rather than even a close step parent. At that point the judge ordered us into mediation and today I just signed the memo of understanding and it is being turned into a judgment for the court.

The mediator said that we both needed to feel as if we had lost in order for it to have been truly successful, but I do have a peace about it and when I felt that something wasn't right, God worked it out so that it was eventually fixed.

It's hard to stand firm, but you just have to close your ears to EVERYTHING that ex says - and stick to your truth because it is valid and truly the best for the kids. No feeling sorry for ex. They made their beds and it's better for us having the control instead of them because we know that we'll use it correctly, and they won't.

Prayers being sent your way. Don't feel bad about telling the mediator that you can't live with the agreement and need to go to court. My ex knew the law was on my side, which I ever so politely reminded him, and it was the fact that I finally drew my line in the sand that he finally backed down and came around to my thinking.

We'll see if it works. Still planning on hearing alot of whinning out of ex. But learnign to turn a deaf ear. Especially when he still pulls stupid stunts like picking the kids up from me at night at his transfer time, only to leave them in the car at the church parking lot while he attends a church men's club meeting complete with dinner. Like he couldn't have left them with me while he went and picked them up after...... Just be prepared for that kind of stuff to keep happening, write it down if you can and God will take care of the rest.

Also, on my front. I got married last October and am expecting a baby at the end of April. Will have 5 of my own kids at that time and 2 step children. I am so busy with life that it feels good to at least get the custody part out of the way - after 2 1/2 years following ex's departure and 2 years following the divorce. It's been a wild ride for sure, and looking for some monotony - never thought I would say that.

Keep strong.

K (God is in Control)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
K (God is in Control) [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, you sure packed a lot of living into a few months! Congratulations on the marriage and the coming baby, what good news.

I'd wondered where you were and how you were doing. Hope your labor is easy and fast.

God is in Control-

I couldn't believe it when I logged on and found this. I was so excited to hear from you. I have continued to think about you over the past couple of years as our lives so paralled each other's in the past. It seems so long ago that you were a daily part of my support system. I guess we've come a long way since then haven't we? I guess living well is the best revenge!

The last time I had heard from you I knew you had found love as I knew you would. I am so happy to hear that things are working out for you. Congratulations on both the wedding and the new baby. How exciting.

I would love to get more of an update. How is the pregnancy going? How are your other kids? Your baby must be two now. Is she still the little angel that she was? My baby is now almost three and amazing! It seems ages ago that we were swapping horror stories about our WH's and pregnancies to boot! It seems that your XH is still married. Mine is still with the OW and they are to be married in June. It sounds like your XH hasn't changed any more than mine has, but I am so glad that you have found peace in spite of him. I really have come a long way too.

You have really lifted my spirits. See, I told you that life would go on.

Please give us an update. I know your story would give so many newcomers here a sense of hope.

Take care and God bless!
K

One other thing GiiC-

I know you must be very busy, but at the very least can we have an update when the new baby arrives?

Good luck with everything!

Take care and God bless!
K