Ok. Here goes. Back from work. I finally get the darn monthly check from xh, and the idiot wrote "April 7" on the date instead of "March 7"" so the bank won't cash it. I don't know if it's a cheap tactic or if he doesn't know what month it is. He doesn't know who he's sleeping with and he is foggy. Oh well.

Anyway, things on teh dating front have gottten wierder...The guy I really like, the one who used to live in my old subdivision, the one hwo's xw was caught w/the tennis pro in their house, the one who travels out of town for business alkot, came by last night and asked me something...Said his company (he's VP and will be taking over in 2 years when his dad retires)..Wanted to ask me a question. If I would reconsider taking him back (we kinda broke up) and have a firm committment with a time frame and a clear paht. Yea, he wwants a committment and then after dating a few mos., wants to get e'd. I almost fell down on the floor. He said that "he'd be the happiest man in the whole world if he could just be #2 in my life...because my son is #1 and he'd hope if we had kids (yea he said this) that they would alalways be #1 ahead of him. He completely meets my criteria for a guy btw.

Sorry for the typo's...email is acting up. Problem with the size of the window when writing message here. Anyway, his company is sending him to Miami for quite a bit of time so he's going to get a place down there and have another home here in GA. I really like him but am not ready for the big E yet. I could date just him for a while and see how it goes but no E for a while. Other info: no kids (what I want) , is a Christian, fun, great personality, very cute, intelligent, and has the cajones to stand up to my xh all day long. I am not sure what to think about this as I was supposed to have another date this weekend. My sister who's met him a month and a half ago, says he's perfect. I just want to stall for some more time as if this were the same time next year, I would say "Yea" without any hesitation whatsoever. I swear, this is bad timing. But I can for sure remember a time when I t thought that nobody would ever wawnt me again b/c my xh used to tell me that. So much for the idiocacy that the foggy people have.

And also x wants to get together this weekend to talk about "the solution to the financial stuff". I am wondering how this man can solve my financial dilemma when he can't even get the date right on a check...lmaorotf

Peachy,

Yeah, it's way to early to get serious, no matter how great the guy is. You haven't completely disentagled yourself from Jethro yet. You've made great strides, you just need more time and healing.

Have you tried just deposting the check with your ATM card somewhere? I'd be curious to see if it works then. I believe that post-dating checks is illegal, you may want to check into it.

Try not to be too harsh about getting the month wrong on the check here for my sake. I did the exact same thing with a check on Wednesday when a neighbor dropped by with our GS cookies. I hope the Girl Scouts don't form a SWAT team and come after me. Of course, my head was probably about as screwed up as J's at that moment. We'd just returned from having our beloved Rottie euthanized due to cancer and I wasn't functioning well. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Well Peachy - I would say that your X is really in the FOG. I guess he wants to talk about financial stuff. Tell it like it is. Say I am only available between the hours of such and such, for I have a committment to meet. No need to tell him anything else. And the financial stuff, he is not equipped to handle it, so I would talk to a financial advisor. He is one messed up man and deep in the fog.

Nice to hear there are good christian men out there. One day I hope to find a good christian man. A man that loves me, and loves GOD first.

So Happy for you. Now do you think you would like to have another child? That is something that is in the far far future. But do you think that is something that you would want?

My X's brother is going to be 52 very shortly, he has a wonderful girlfriend, that he wants to marry and is trying to marry. There is a lot of redtape in the country he is in. And this woman is only 29. And he got her pregnant. I do think there is going to be a lot of trouble, since he will be 72 when this child is 20 and she will only be 49 when this child is 20. A 72 year old verses a 49 is a big difference in age. Which can cause a great difficult time in a relationship.

Take you time with dating, as you are still enmeshed with J.
And make sure it is a business meeting with J, nothing else. He'll try for other stuff. Even have an agenda in front of you.
And definitely ask for a new check for march.

Peachy, I’m a little confused here. How long have you been dating? It’s only been a few months right? And you two weren’t exclusive, were you? I must be hyper-sensitive because I see his wanting to get engaged so quickly as a huge red flag, but no one else has mentioned it.

Peachy,
Be VERY, VERY leery of a guy wanting to make and ask for such strong commitments after the short time you two have spent together. He's got something wrong with him or he'd never do this!! Do you know any body that knows him personally for some years? Someone that knew him AND his Ex would be a good source. Please be careful and try and check him out.

GG, you nailed it hon. There are huge red flags waving!!!

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, SOMETHING IS UP WITH THIS. WAY TOO SOON!!

Way too soon it sounds like. Not that it doesn't make you feel wonderful for someone to be that interested.

If he is headed of all that out of town time, I would wonder what is going on in his head.

Be sure you don't settle for brains, bucks, and a cute butt.

Okay, I've gotta ask this:

What about LOVE, Peachy?

Doesn't LOVE fit into a possible engagment to marry for you? Or is it all about praticallity. Or maybe, is it about trying to prove to Jethro that you too can get married in a heart-beat, before the ink is dry on the divorce papers.

Most of the above is rhetorical, Peach. I'm just trying to point out that there has not been sufficient time for you to heal to even consider marriage, IMVHO.

As GG stated, you are still very much emotionally emeshed with Jethro.

Give yourself tons of time, Peach. There is no real rush and plenty available good fish in the sea. Trust me on this.

Lv,
Jo

I saw red flags too but I wasn't sure if it is my hesitance to trust too soon. If it was only my problem, I didn't want to rain on Peachy's parade. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Peachy, enjoy how this makes you feel--while you are discovering if those red flags are warnings or just decorations!

Take care.

I'm wary too and not even certain which guy this is?
Is this HN - hilltop neighbor, or cute resident or another I've already forgotten.

Peachy-

I haven't followed your story close enough to know who this guy is, but I too see reasons for concern. Usually people don't operate this way. It is way too fast!

I also agree with everyone, you are still too entangled with J to rush into anything and you need to heed the red flags that are popping up here. They may be nothing to worry about, but take the time to make sure.

Take your time, date, have fun, and use your head. Also, totally absorb the boost it is to have someone really want to be with you. You are a wonderful woman and you have a lot to offer. You have come so far, but this is a journey. Take the time needed to heal your wounds, find yourself, and find someone who loves you for you and you for him. Don't get sucked into the whole idea of being in love with being in love. If he's the real thing there is plenty of time.

You go girl!

Take care and God bless!
K

Thank you thank you thank you friends!

Great ideas...I understand the whole concept of the "red flag" thing as I've been in a hurricane before during a family vacation...

And background further...No, it's not HN. It's ironically a neighbor that used to live in SAME subdivision w/me and Jethro. He lived a few streets over and he was the BS in his M too. He was married maybe two years and walked in on his W and the subdv. tennis pro..he walked out and filed same day and purchased another house. Very nice guy and very strong person morally. Cute too. Ironically, we would only meet towards the end of last year b/c I was friends (went to church with)his old next door neighbor. She knew the whole Jethro saga and was very ready for me to move on. He's being very cool about things and I know he's not trying to take advantage of anything. He now says he's cool w/going really slow but wants me to feel kinda safe about stuff and his intent. So that's good I guess. Since I will probably have a slight bit of a trust issue.

Deal with Jethro now is the getting over of the "shock and awe". I am not used to NORMAL people doing this kind of crapola to others. Muchless those they promise to love and care for. No more nightmares and it's gone away. It's finally sunk into my subconscious that my xh is a scum and doesn't have the smallest clue about what love it. He can only love himself as he's most likely (and I say this sadly as I wish it were not true as they don't have very good prognosis for therapy)a sociopath.

It's ironic how God puts people in your path to help heal you further and for you to help others.

Today went to women's bible study and there was a new face. A face that looked like she's had no sleep in about five days. Seems she is also in the midst of a messy divorce, in mid 40's, with nearly grown kids. Her x is involved as mine was with 2 other women. She's in denial over whole thing and hasn't let go yet. Some of the other women in the study want me to help her and kinda mentor her through this. Me? But it seems to be working a bit. Got her reading good stuff and you might get a new MB buddy too. Assigned "LMBT" by Dobson and also "When you Lover is a Liar" and "Women Who Love Too Much". Got the last suggestion from church counselor. Depression made her put on about forty pounds and she is needing a makeover and a basic plan A for herself right now. Her x is moved out and in w/one of the 2 OW. Sounds familiar? Now that I see the workings of her life, how she's not able to move forward or backward, I am able to further move ahead. Please pray for Connie ok?

Anyway, had a great weekend. Went to dinner tonight w/girlfriend and we had a great talk! She's so hilarious. Sat. night had a girls' night out at a St. Patty's day party...was given by same club that gave the New Years' Ball. Awesome! Great time. Good female bonding time. We wound up at IHOP about two thirty am giggling and laughing like thirteen year olds.

Back to the moving on thing...I didn't talk to resident or to HN this weekend as I needed time alone to think w/girlfriends, pray and just soul search. My sis and best friend from back home think this guy is great. He's a complete 180 from Jethro with regard to character and that's good. I was separated for a year and a half before the d was done so I've been alone a good amount of time.

He was one of first I went out with. No pressures at all. Just fun, witty, cute, and extremely interesting. Been about 3 mos. off and one since we've gone out...around 2nd week in Jan I think. ??? Not sure. Spoke to him fri. night and he was in Miami. He's out of country right now. He's VP of his company (dad is CFO) and his dad is stepping down in 2 years and until then, he's VP and in charge of Intnl. Marketing and has to go out of town a whole lot to take care of things. He's 4 years younger than me (looks older ironically though), well educated, and been divorced for a little over 3 years. No kids. He also has trust issues and wants to know that when I am ready, he'd like a committment and can wait on the big E, but would like to move ahead in that direction if I want to. That was key to me...the "if I want to." Emphasis on "I". He's not doing anything to make me feel wierd. In fact, his being out of town alot is great for me as it gives me time w/girlfriends and stuff. He's also wanting to be nice about that and says that he wants me to have company of my friends and is not like Jethro who used to basically sequester me away from my friends and family as most abusers do...they like to isolate women and break them down mentally and emotionally.

I am going to spend a great deal of time now thinking as son is first, family second, and job next.

Oh, got good news from my superior tonight...He called to say hello and to give me schedule for week. Said I'm doing INCREDIBLE and that "they can't give me enough work right now". So that's huge. I've prayed so hard for a bit of security right now in the job front.

I know I am healing as 2 weeks ago I woke up with that "unexplicable joy" that I used to have. This is a very incredible thing for me. I haven't experienced this in years. I woke up happy for no apparent reason and have been happy pretty much all day long. Sure, I had a few nights after the latest revelation about x, but it went away and the joy's back again. I told Connie at church that she'd find this point. I pray we all get that here. One day we will find ourselves, get to realize that the woman or man we are before all this junk entered into our lives, that person is still there. Maybe buried deep down but still there.

I asked Connie today "who are you?". She couldn't answer me. I told her to pray for the answer to that and look inside. BTW...I printed off materials on plan A and B for her and some basic MB stuff today. And sadly, she's not in a position to do plan A. Needs a swift B. Lawyers are already engaged, he's not turning back and the bridge is pretty much burned for them sadly. Plus he was very emotionally abusive to her.

We aren't allowed to go through dark days like we have unless it would be a tool to help us grow and become better people.

Gettin' wierder...HN forwarded to me yesterday an email showing me the property he's getting his realtor to show him. He wants to settle down too...this is too wierd.

But I talked to Orchid last night and asked her infinite wisdom on this and she's known me for 2 years now...said she thought I was probably good to go w/regard to the moving on with someone...

I've been doing some thinkng and praying. I am going to give him a chance i think. It took alot of guts for him to do that and it's a rarity these days for a man of substance and character (not to mention pretty darn cute) to be available and that willing upfront to commit. But I am just going to date him and see where it goes. Will wait until this weekend to give him my answer though. The club I am in is having a wine tasting on friday night and I guess we could take care of business in regard to that on the way to it.

Work's going' great btw...Am excited b/c my superior @ work last night said I am doing a great job and am making great sales contacts and getting appointments for our VP's today already! Tomorrow I go back to work in clinic again in cardio. I am so blessed to be able to have the best of both worlds at same job...challenge of sales (big ticket med. equipment) and my cardiac specialty too.