This is the most amazing thing ever!

Okay, people who have been around probably know that I'm an eccletic spiritual christian. Most of the Christians wouldn't probably call me Christian because I believe all the major religions are true religions. But my beliefs are very strong.

Okay, so today, I started to feel sorry for myself because my STBX never cared enough to cut into his recreation time in order to meet my need to have a basement free of books. Never took any time, I didn't matter as much as the New York Times. And there I am feeling valueless.

So, I say to myself, well, it doesn't really matter if I don't matter to him because I matter to me. Good thought. Not bad.

BUT SUDDENLY, I was told, "Annie, even that doesn't mean much. You simply matter because the CREATOR put you here. He created you and put you there. He values you. You have enherent value in an of yourself, even if no one including you recognize it."

Whoa! Can you imagine? It doesn't matter a hill of beans what anyone thinks of me. I MATTER!

And seriously, each and every one of you MATTER, and have value simply by the fact God put you here in this world. If you weren't important, He wouldn't have bothered.

And of course, Lent is the perfect time for this kind of epiphany.

Now, I'm going to go practice yoga, get in touch with the Divine and say "Thank you." Although He already knows because my heart has been praying without ceasing since this revelation. See The Way of the Pilgrim for further reference. And/Or Fanny and Zooey.

We are not worthy of His love. But, we are worth it.

GG,

I think that hill of beans is bigger than you think. You mean alot to many people , and I'm sure that this doesn't only apply here, but where ever you go.

Valueless ??? I don't think so. In your eyes you may feel valueless to him, but only to him. You have more value than most people I know just though your concern for the well being of others.

WIWH

Jesus (God) said in the Bible that 'the hairs of your head are numbered' - now that's a statement!
How many peeps have actually taken the time to count how many individual hairs are on your head??
None that I know of.
But God already knows!
That's awesome!
Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
PS - I'm a born-again Christian also; however, I do believe facets of other faiths as well - more specifically, the Meditation and Energy sections of them.

So, Harold, you think God will notice when I pull out that grey hair that shows up so well in my newly darken hair?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, Harold, you think God will notice when I pull out that grey hair that shows up so well in my newly darken hair?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not only that but he also knows that it's not just one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ha, Ha.

GG!

Good for you!

I've never forgotten something that was posted on the wall when I was in grade 2.....it said:

I know I'm worth something
Cause God doesn't build any junk!

I always think of this and smile, because it's TRUE! hehe

Hey, I told B. about my epiphany. He asked if I wanted to find some time to talk this week. I asked what he wanted to talk about, and he said "I think on some basic level we need to figure out how to communicate."

Fair enough, I thought. So I ventured out on a limb and told him about my epiphany. This epiphany is probably one of the shaping truths to come into my life. It's a gut-felt enlightening that has nothing to do with rational logic or brain-belief or even faith. I mean I had taken it on faith that Christ died for me. This is internalizing that. Making it real. It's gut-knowing.

I did tell him the thought process including the feeling sorry for myself because he didn't value me enough to cut into his leisure activities in order to clean out the basement.

But I did so quickly without disrepect, owning my own feelings of diminished value and sorrow. Beacuase really it wasn't about the pain he caused me. It was about knowing that the Creator created me.

B's response was to talk about an episode of Mr. Rogers when Mr. Rogers was talking with the woman who started Sesame Street. And they two talked about how Sesame Street taught facts, while Mr. Rogers taught children that they were valuable just because "you are you."

Factually it relates. But, it didn't respond to my emotions. It didn't even keep the dialog going about this wonderful thought I had. The response left me sad, and disappointed.

Hypatia was warm and enthusiastic and talked about feelings. You all here responded each in your own thoughtful way. But of course, if you don't affirm my feelings or beliefs it doesn't matter anywhere as much as if my spouse doesn't affirm them.

And why am I sad? Because I was brave enough or stupid enough to put myself out on an emotional limb?

Hey, I don't think it is ever stupid to talk about God and what is happening with our relationship with Him!

If we don't get pushy about it, some will recieve our thoughts, some won't. It is like anything else that excites us, such as an old friend we met up with again and are glad to see.

We share the important parts of our lives openly to others we care about. This is life!

By the way he has about 15 days to get those books outta there! (I have been eepintg track!)

You may want to get something in writing to back up yourself in case YOU have to deal with the books.

You are valuable to many people, and don't feel bad that B can't understand the emotional side. It's a difficult journey, and you were strong enough to take it.

Now, with only 15 days left, I'll need to plan when I can come down with the minivan. I have the girls for Palm Sunday, and I'm taking them to visit my mom on Easter weekend. So, when will we do this book thing?

I believe that everyone is affirming your feelings and emotions in their own way. Even B.

All people take a situation and translate it into something that makes sense out of it to themselves.

Finding comfort in your own self is great, no matter how you find it and some people don't completely understand finding that comfort out of faith.

Without having experienced the feelings and emotions of such a thing yourself, It is hard to relate to the situation with someone who has.

Maybe he was trying to. But it sure didn't meet my need for conversation in the way I wanted it met.

Anne, it just shows another glaring incompatability between you two. You need someone who UNDERSTANDS at a deep level!

Even I can understand at a deep level what you are saying! Surely a marriage partner or significant other, one you shared intimacy with, should be able to relate on that level!

Just "can HIM" and "can his BOOKS" and go free to meet more compatable people in your life! You are precious!

He is like an old, worn, mouldy book. You may want to read it once in a while or refer to it a couple times a year in some way but you really don't want it hanging around all the time collecting dust and contributing nothing to your life!

Baba, you are such a "tell it like it is" person!

Baba, I do appreciate your candid responses. Although, I can't say he's moldy. LOL.
Still since I'm not actually trying to save the marriage as much as find peace in my life, your answers make sense.

What the heck are you doing over here though???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

See you have friends all over the boards GG.
And what are you doing on the internet on a nice Sunday afternoon?
I'm at work now, it's my escape from all that needs to get done at home. What's your excuse?

I just care about people. Once in a while I look at what is happening at other boards. I have learned stuff from the divorce board (just reading) that has helped me.

Also, one of my friends is going through a divorce. It helps me relate to her...

Anne:

You must know how I feel about god, that there isn't one, but rest assured....you are VERY IMPORTANT anyways! People are all important, especially those that care and get involved and make a difference!

Trust in yourself and the confidence that comes with it...

BP22, It's just that I felt that others were more valuable than me. And that my soul purpose was to please others. If I didn't please others, than I wasn't worth much. And even when I did, I was of less value than them.

And if you had asked about my self=esteem, I would have said it was Good.

Thanks everyone for the pats.