Sorry about that last message. Okay, here goes. I'm a young, fairly attractive man. I've been married for seven years and we have no chidlren. I love my wife and know that she is a blessing. However, I love attention from other women and appreciate beautiful women. I have never been one to go to strip clubs or watch pornography, so I don't think I have a sexual addiction. It's just that when I meet a SINGLE attractive woman, especially single mothers, I feel that it is my duty and responsibility to make them feel appreciated. I think to myself, "what is the attractive woman not being appreciated by a good man?" I then think to myself, "I'm a good man and I know I could her right, but I'm married." I know this might somewhat egotistcal, but when I do meet an attractive woman, I am being sincere. I really want to get to know her (i.e. find out her likes and dislikes, ambitions, dreams, thoughts, etc.). I don't flirt with women because I know this would disrespectful to my wife and our marriage. However, I do find myself wanting to learn more about the woman. <p>I know this might sound confusing and somewhat egotistical, but any insight is appreciated.

menekim,
Mabey you should look at this in a different way so you will see things a little clearer.
Imagin your wife began to have these same feelings. She begins to feel like its "her duty" to make single attractive fathers feel appreciated and wanted. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Boy wouldn't that suck!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I suggest that you realise you have a wife who is a "blessing" and really focus your attention on her before some one else does. Thats what happend to me and belive me my life turned into a living hell. Read my post that I just gave to "navywife" on the Emotional Needs board....<p>Good luck and God Bless,<p>SH

Stillhurts:<p>You make a very good point. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But my problem is not that I'm flirting with these women. My problem is that I feel guilty feeling this way. I wonder if there are any other husbands out there that have wrestled with these feelings. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

menekim, you might not think you are flirting, but I bet those women, and your wife would think you are.<p>IMHO, a "good" man, would not be seeking out other women to give appreciation to. That man would be focused on giving that appreciation to his wife. Maybe you're missing something at home? Perhaps you don't think your wife is showing you enough appreciation, maybe she's taking you for granted.<p>From what you describe it doesn't sound like you are showing these women appreciation, it sounds like you are trying to get to know them, and show them what a great guy you are, so that they will appreciate you. I could be way off base, but maybe you should try filling out the EN questionnares, and see if you are missing something at home, before your "appreciation" of these other women leads to problems. That "but I'm married" clause is scary. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hopeitsticks:<p>I appreciate your input. Thank you. My wife does make me feel appreciated to an extent. I say to an extent because sexually speaking I have been more open with other women (before I was married). And knowing that a woman takes pleasure in bringing me pleasure is a wonderful feeling and helps me to open up to her more. I don't feel this with my wife because she's not open to trying different things (for example, oral sex). I know this might be too much info., but it's frustrating having experienced this very intimate activity and knowing that their are women out there who enjoy showing their man this kind of affection, yet my wife doesn't care to go there.

Sounds like W isn't fullfilling SN so you are filling it by taking an interest in other woman. Somehow I'm thinking these are also young, attractive woman you seem to be taking this interest in. Tsk, Tsk [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Ahh.. you said young attractive women in your post. I'm a little drowsy from cold medicine.

Menekim, have you read the site? A few things stand out here, appreciation, sexual fulfillment, and affection are all seperate things. Just because your wife won't give you oral, doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate you, and doesn't show affection, those are different. Please read the site about the emotional needs.<p>You are though, having an unmet need for Sexual Fulfillment. Over on the Emotional Needs forum, there are a few others who have this complaint about their wives too. Surf over there and you'll see some interesting discussion about this particular topic.<p>You should also read about Love Busters and the Policy of Joint Agreement. You need to work on this unfilled need you have, but you will also have to consider her feelings. You've come here at a good point, because I'm afraid in "appreciating" these other women, you are placing yourself into a situation to lead to an affair, especially if they will meet your need. <p>I really think if all your needs were being met at home, that you wouldn't notice these other women as easily. Don't be surprised if you discover you have other unment needs, and your wife probably has some too.

Menekim, let me tell you a story.....<p>Once upon a time there was this pastor of a church who just couldn't help playing Prince Charming to a lot of women he met who just weren't getting the attention he thought they deserved. So he filled the gap with his wonderful charm. He thought it was a very valient thing to do. Then one day, a needy princess fell in "love" with him. Well, they could have lived happily ever after good if only the pastor weren't married with 2 kids and the needy princess wasn't married with 1 kid....well, they never had sex or anything, in fact they never even kissed, but emotionally they both fell into a very hot and heavy affair. The needy princess felt so guilty about it that she had to tell her needy husband and thats when the pastor acting like Prince Charming became unglued. The truth hit the fan and the needy princess and her needy husband got kicked out of a church and lost over 75 friends all in one fell swoop. It has been 2 years since then and they still are having a terrible time trying to right the wrongs done in this relationship. Oh yea, and the pastor who played Prince Charming gets to go on his merry way as if nothing happened, making the excuse that this is just the way he is and so on and so on.......and the moral of this story is...you fill in that blank!<p>[ February 02, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</p>

Menekim you are playing a dangerous game.<p>You're playing with fire and you know what happens to people that play with fire.<p>Stillhurts makes an excellent point in asking how you would react if your wife felt the same way about attractive single men.<p>Even if you are strong enough in not falling in a EA, the same can not be true of the single women you deal with. Why? because if there is anything that I and others hear have learned as far as one EN that is tops on women's EN list, is listening to her.<p>Think about this, would you like to have a legion of women falling in love with you? I beleive the answer is probably no. One sided love is very hurtful whether your married or single.<p>Joe<p>[ February 02, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Menekim, so much great advice above. I suspect that by posting here you realized that your feelings were dangerous. The EN questionaire is a great start for you and your W. Your need for SF is obviously not being met, and I would bet that you both have unmet needs. Once you identify them and decide to concentrate on your relationship, I don't think that you will feel the need to be Prince Charming to these other W. I hope that you will take the advice of many of our MB's and continue to read and post also. Many of us have unfortunately learned these lessons the hard way. Seek refuge, comfort, pleasure and love within your M, it can change and with work you can fulfill each others needs! Prayers to you, Ladysing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I know you think what you are doing is harmless but I'll tell you what happened to me.<p>At work, my x met a woman with whom he was required to work. She was about his age. Divorced with two small children and no one to help her. Her life was hard and he felt sorry for her.<p>He had the audacity to tell me those lines and it didn't matter that we had two small children and I had no one to help me and my life and those of our children would be hard.<p>He left me so that maybe he could help her and find a chance at happiness. She never went out with him. And we have been divorced for three years. <p>By the way, she was not his first emotional affair.<p>Get your rear in gear and give up this game.

I really appreciate everyone's insight and perspective. Thank you. Just continue to pray for my wife and me.

HI menekim,
Okay, we will pray for you and your wife.
And you need to turn your printer on, start at step one of MB and proceed. Order His Needs/Her Needs.
It sounds to me that your loving wife might look at things differently if you did too!

Menekim, how's it going?<p>Now that you've had time to read the site, I'd like to suggest a couple questions for you to consider for yourself.<p>Do you find these young mothers attractive because they are mothers? After 7 years is it time to start a family and look at your wife as a woman that deserves to be appreciated and taken care of?<p>Have you considered the possibility that some of these young mothers are unwed because the fathers were too busy being the knight in shining armour to other damsels in distress to take care of the woman he had at home? Are you in danger of becoming a man like that?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Menekim:
<strong>Sorry about that last message. Okay, here goes. I'm a young, fairly attractive man. I've been married for seven years and we have no chidlren. I love my wife and know that she is a blessing. However, I love attention from other women and appreciate beautiful women. I have never been one to go to strip clubs or watch pornography, so I don't think I have a sexual addiction. It's just that when I meet a SINGLE attractive woman, especially single mothers, I feel that it is my duty and responsibility to make them feel appreciated. I think to myself, "what is the attractive woman not being appreciated by a good man?" I then think to myself, "I'm a good man and I know I could her right, but I'm married." I know this might somewhat egotistcal, but when I do meet an attractive woman, I am being sincere. I really want to get to know her (i.e. find out her likes and dislikes, ambitions, dreams, thoughts, etc.). I don't flirt with women because I know this would disrespectful to my wife and our marriage. However, I do find myself wanting to learn more about the woman. <p>I know this might sound confusing and somewhat egotistical, but any insight is appreciated.</strong><hr></blockquote>

Menekim, I think you are capable of making many women happy but society will frown upon you.
Monogamy is a cultural norm, not a law of the universe.
Yes it IS different for guys than for women. We want to bond to one guy and sometimes we have to make tough choices whereas a guy CAN be a lover for more than one woman. Society, however, will give you big problems. You are in the wrong country at the wrong time. Be careful!
Keep away from married women and be very careful not to hurt your wife, treat her well. I'm sure you do.
They say a woman is moody and wears many different clothes to 'fool' her husband into thinking she's married to many different girls!
Encourage her to show her many facets of herself. Enjoy her thoroughly, have fun with her.
The concept of 'mistress' goes back to Biblical times. In ancient Israel it was always done with the explicit approval of the wife, without deceit-like the Geishas of Japan. There was even a contract.
Would your wife mind if you make another woman happy? Seriously now!:-)