I am really confused about myself. I am so angry and hurt about my WW behavior and the things she has done to this point to destroy the M. I filed last week but she will not know until the hearing concerning a TPO that she has on me. I am going for custody because of the circumstances and person she is involved with.

I am working a 12 step program and one step I have worked through deals with complete honesty. I have become completely honest with myself and realize that even though I do want my children I have stronger feelings to publicly humiliate her. Just revenge. This is one reason why I have been on a mission to find more stuff out about their relationship. I know this is wrong and is moving me away from the spirituality I so desperately want to be in the forefront of my life. I am tired of the back and forth feelings and letting go and taking it back from God. I am so double minded.

I know this is silly but if some of ya'll could help me to see the light on this let me know.

Pheonix

I'm sorry but I can't help you on the spirituality part, but I can say this.

From following your story, I agree that your kids will be better off with you in the end. The most important thing is that you do not make their mother look bad to them.

As far as your kids know, their mother never did and never will do anything wrong. At least this is what they must see from you.

If they learn otherwise on their own then so be it.

Revenge is a hard feeling to get past but it is not a weapon. You need to stay focussed on the well being of you and your children.

WIWH

Hi Pheonix,
I know where your at and it ain't pretty. This is what I have learned but am having trouble executing as well. Let it all go. Sounds easy but it's the most difficult thing to do and do right I have ever tried to do. This does 2 things for you. It lets the WS know that you are not going to be dragged down by all this and see you in a different light, and it is going to prepare you for the eventuality of going on with life without her. Seeking revenge will destroy all of you and no one will win. If you believe in God lean on him heavily it really does help. I have read posts like I have written hundreds of times and it is the best advice. Pulling it off is another story all together. I have had many slip ups myself but get better every time. Peace be with you and good luck on your journey.
David A

I am doing my best to let it go. I really want to release my attorney but I don't know if I can right now. I am working doing my best to work the restore ministries program and I have stumbled numerous times but I am getting better. Today I gave my wife a letter letting her know that I will not actively pursue her anymore and will give her the space and time she needs.

Revenge has never been my way and know in my heart is wrong. I also know that if I really want to reconcile this is just not the way.

God is helping me in many ways. One thing I have learned in the past few days and that is to pray for specific things regarding my wife and he does answer some of those prayers. I had been praying for the whole thing but He and I know that complete restoration could only come in time and with patience.

I am will try to stop posting to this forum because divorce is not what I really want at this time. I plan to keep praying and fasting on this matter and will accept what his will is. I know from others that this will not be easy but I have had a lifelong pattern of not taking the easy way out.

Faith and Hope is what I need to focus on not revenge.

Peace

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I have become completely honest with myself and realize that even though I do want my children I have stronger feelings to publicly humiliate her. Just revenge. This is one reason why I have been on a mission to find more stuff out about their relationship. I know this is wrong and is moving me away from the spirituality I so desperately want to be in the forefront of my life. I am tired of the back and forth feelings and letting go and taking it back from God. I am so double minded.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Phoenix,

I know where you're at and it ain't easy. I too am faced with a WW that has been out of the house for 6 weeks, even left the kids!

I too wanted to humiliate her, not w/ our children, but just in general, as a means of revenge. Let me tell you, the sweetest revenge will be you taking care of yourself, becoming the person you are meant to be for you and your children. Make wise choices for yourself and children and you'll come out of this smelling like roses.

As for details about her other R, it's a normal reaction to want these, but it truly only causes more pain and more bad memories of her actions. Believe me, I did the same thing you are desiring and in retrospect, I wish I didn't know most of the details. Since i wasn't apart of my W's interactions with OM, now that I have some details, my mind goes bonkers and plays a movie of what those interactions may have entailed.

Let that part go, trust me, and put your best efforts on you and the children.

Recommended book, go buy it now, or at least check with your local library. It helps.

"The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...104-5645603-3666330?v=glance&s=books

Kinda helps cope with the day2day and helps you put the focus on YOU!!!


Hang in there, ok?

Joe