Final divorce papers came today. I have been waiting for them as I am anxious to get to SS to have my name changed back on my card. I was also curious to see the changes lawyers made regarding the sale of my van.

Nothing was changed in that area, which ticked me off, but I can deal with it as long as ex doesnt try again to force me to sell van. My lawyer screwed up in that area and then he told me it cost 350$ to get copy of transcript to prove that I did not agree to that stipulation

talking to a friend tonite who used to work closely with the courts in divorce area, she told me transcripts do cost that much..but I can get audio tape of whole proceeding for only $10, so if issue comes up again, I have options available to me. she told me how to do it myself and save lawyer fee,and said she would help if needed.

What really upset my day was phone call from X. He left message on my answering machine regarding car insurance.

Told me how

I should cooperate with him

I should communicate with him

he doesnt want me to hate him for the rest of my life


Last time I tried to hold communications with him he called me nothing but a fat f*&%

I would like to tell him that I will cooperate with him as much as he cooperated in marriage counseling, or as much as he cooperated in alcoholics anonymous

I want to tell him that Ill stop hating him the day I can spit on his grave

but I wont..I just need to vent.

Im sorry...I just cant do the forgiveness thing yet, dont know if I ever can and that is what has realy upset me today. I know how wrong it is and I have never hated anyone in my whole life.

He abused me and raped me among other things, there are some things that I havent even told my minister or psychologist and I dont know if I will ever get past them, or this hatred that he built inside of me

I cant do this communication..invite the new wife to graduation thing..etc..

not ever

Is there any hope for me?

BTW...

why didnt I have to sign these papers? They just came sealed, final...why did they send me the preliminary papers to look over in Dec..if I didnt have to sign anything..just like that..accept what they write in there for me

I didn't realize that I can get a copy for $10 of the court proceedings. I will do that if necessary if XH doesn't pay off my medical bills from the physical abuse that he did to me. Thanks for the information. Plus, I found out if I have to take X to court that he will pay for attorney fees and the court costs too.

I hate to do this, but I am again dealing with a x that says cooperate with him. I have given more time than the judge did. Judge gave him 90 days to complete everything, and he hasn't done much on the list. This was one of the things to get my medical bills paid up, so my credit can get clear. And he says he doesn't have the money but can be a disneyland dad and send the kids to california and colorado. But pay bills, nope, not a priority on his list.

Thanks for the info. Divorce is difficult, and the hate you have for the one that you loved and gave your life and body to hurts very deeply. I don't hate my XH, but I don't like the way he is conducting his life, and ruining my daughters credit and ruining my life. So it will end and he will have consequences to pay.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is there any hope for me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, when you are ready to let go and realize that your anger is hurting only you.
You will find that peace someday.

Someone wrote a long time ago that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.
And that's exactly how I feel about X - indifferent.

Thanks Newly..I am OK..even great as long as he is not on my life, or house or any contact at all

I know I am suffering from PTSD but have stopped seeing the psychologist. She thinks I am doing great..I just have these bursts every once in a while, and Im sure will for a long long time.