<BR> H cheated twice in 3 years. Both times remorseful, begging forgiveness, making love to me to prove his need for me. We have a new baby.It makes it easier for us both to call truce for the baby. Ow outof pic several months. Counseling was used against me rather than for the good of the marriage, the first afffair. I was betrayed once. and it took 2 years and still was not over it. Not knowing or trusting him of his real feelings for me. He sensed it and could not deal with my depression(that he caused) and cheated again!! In the name of "I just did not want to be with you anymore".Nice rationalization, while I was pregnant!!! I love him and trying to not love bust. Also praying for his eyes to be OPENED to why he caused his own misery and blamed me. We are reaading everything and counseling too. I get so down and discouraged almost daily since communication is off limits, due to his inability to be understanding and sensitive to my thoughts, feeings and ideas. He is so reactive and selfish that it sends me into orbit and we get No where in any kind of conflict. We rarely talk cause he won't take blame for his reactions to me. How long shall I wait for the Lord to change this Magot?? He is superficially doing his part. But, the real issues have not been able to be resolved in many years, this is why he left twice and cheated.

Channel#5 -<P>I'm so sorry that you and your H are going through this. I'm sure that you'll get some terrific advice from all the wonderful people here.<P>As for me, I don't have much advice but just know that I feel for you and can lend an ear and a shoulder!!<P>About the only thing I can think of is that when you say "we are reading everything and counseling" it sounds like YOU are reading and comprehending but H is not!!! Have you printed Harley's information from this site? Done the Questionnaire's, etc.? Have you implemented any techniques for better communication? I found that I also like the common sense about communication from the book Divorce Busting!! <P>Check into those things and see if H will do it with you. It's the only way to begin any progress!!<P>Do you like this counselor? It's important that the counselor know of and help reinforce Harley principles and techniques and perhaps even Divorce Busting techniques. Question the counselor about them and then all three of you will be on the same track!!<P>Hope I've helped some.<P>Hugs and Strength to you.<P>Sheba

My husband was similar to yours especially in the beginning. Although he was remorseful. He still feels that the demise of our relationship is 99% my fault. I used to get really upset by that but, now I just usally accept the blame and only occassionally if it comes up mentioned where he failed. <P>I figure it doesn't matter why it failed but, how we put it together. Dr. Harley recommends hitting on the now and the future. Going over past problems is a can of worms. (I don't remember his exact words but, it was something like that.) So...what I do is try (I said try, I don't always suceed) in looking at today.<P>I think you need to look at the fact of the possitives you are seeing from your husband. Reading the books, counseling etc. My husband won't do any of that.<P>Discovery for me was a little over 6 months ago. I am telling you even though we are not finished on this journey by any means we have come a long way. I thank the good Lord for that.<P>Pray tons, dig deep for all the love you have for this man and more. Be patient (easy to say, hard to do...believe me it isn't my strong suit).<P>Focus on the possitives. Look up TNT's "Possitive Confessions" it is wonderful. I will look for it and bring it up to the top for you.<P>Post here often and remember we are here for you with much Love and understanding. <P>Will be praying and lighting special candle for you and yours. <P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Oh yeah also... take it one day at a time but, usually I am taking it moment by moment. <P>It will get better even though it doesn't seem like it possibly can. <P>{{{HUGS}}} to you.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Sheba: Yes, I have printed alot for H o read. He is reading. AndLo' and behold he is trying real Hard NOT to react to me/ for this I am truly grateful. It is teh only time I have seen this in 11 years.<P>Samantha: I have been doing the same Moment by Moment. Our counseler is not that good but she'll do, since insurance covers her. I feel like I am the therapist. I thank you for your support and prayers/ I also will pray for you.My physical aching in the stomach has dissapated this week. I had prayer last Monday for it. I was getting this concrete like feeling in my gut for several months. I recognized it as Fear and acceptance (of the Magot) I also came up with the word Magot this week to describe the AWFUL HUMILIATION AND DISGUST that accompanies Affairs. My H had this B@#Tch in my home and vehichles for sex. I am ridding my home of just about everything I own and will sell it at the flea market one day, due to her eyes being on my bleongings, (invasion)<BR>She may have copied my decorating skills? Yuk>>>