I dunno, TFS. I'd consider it an OC. The sperm was still Peachy's marital property when it fertilized the OW's egg. She's just lucky humans have a long gestational period so Jethro could switch wives fast enough to make it legit.

I do consider it an OC...they lied and completely denied the fact she was pregnant until december. Completely. The woman even showed up at my son's soccer games (2 of them only) wearing baggy sweat top and pants both times trying to conceal fact she was pregnant. She and my xh went to great lengths to hide fact she was pregnant and only since ink dried did they even acknowledge it...

It's not the child's fault. I do not have any ill feelings about it and I pray for the little girl as I am saddened at alot of the circumstances. But I in no way would ever be mean to any child as I love children period. Not in my nature or character. Hey..we can't pick who our parents are right?

And it is an absolute fact her other child is illegitimate. Her xbf never married her and in march of last year, married somebody else...the ultimate slap in the face imho...my own sister PREDICTED THE OW WOULD GET PREGNANT asap as one day when I picked up my son after his visitation w/his dad, my son exclaimed "FV's son (name)'s daddy just got married and they had a wedding and everything." My family predicted this would happen as she didn't get her wish the first time she tried to trap a man into marriage...but seems my xh took the bait hook line and sinker.

Oh well...if at first you don't succeed, try try again I guess...

But I have a different version of that...and that is the quote I always use by Einstein..."the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again believing that the outcome will be different."

I agree with alot you say TFS and thanks. You know I don't mean anything hurtful, am stating facts as I know they are and as I see them and that's all.

I don't have time tonight but it would seem Jethro is up to no good again and he caused quite a ruckus today...I will do a decent size post tomorrow as I am dead tired..

He can't seem to do well with peace for any sufficient period of time. Has to stir up something and I am doing all I can do to keep from engaging him. Today's stunt was deliberate and had to elicit a response from me b/c he came to son's school and picked him up (today is my custody day)and did NOT ask my permission and stated that "he was taking my son for an hour so he could be introduced to his sister". Now my son goes to his dad's tomorrow and I asked Jethro when he called (five min. from his school) why he couldn't simply do this tomorrow when it is convenient for me as I had plans with my son today..totally ignored. He swore at me and said he was "already there".

I can't explain as I have household duties tonight, but will explain tomorrow as I don't really know how to deal with his outta control ego and his will that does not seem to yeild to either laws, legal agreements, or morality and simply being decent and respectful. It's never been more apparent to me that he is a complete narcissist and possibly a sociopath than now especially after the real dust has settled. Poor FV...she bought the wrong meal ticket.

Peachy,
I agree with you. She is an OC. Correct me if I am wrong but I think she (other woman) was expecting this child BEFORE your divorce was complete. Is that right? If so, she is very much an OC.

You would be correct. She moved in with x a week after OW1, monkeyho broke up with him. He ironically called me crying saying he'd messed everything up. I asked him what he was going to do about things and he said nothing. So I proceeded on with separation and eventual divorce...Meanwhile she found out, the OW2, fV, that her xbf (father of her 3 year old) actually married the next girl who he got with in march/april and by june of last year got her wish as she "forgot" to take her pills again...they denied their affair until december of last year...only admitted she was preggers the week the divorce papers signed by the judge...

My whole family knew that she'd pull it...as my son came home from visitation with dad and said that "(ow's son's name) said that his daddy got married". I asked son a bit about it and he said "MS FV kept talking about it all the time"...My sister told me she'd get pregnant within 6 mos because of that...but who'd have really guessed she'd get pregnant within about 6 weeks after her xbf got married and made an honest woman outta some other woman...Not FV, who tried to trap that man into marrying her as well...

Hope you are having a good day Peachy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Wanted to give a quick response to your reply.

There are two ways to "judge" this situation with the newborn.

The first would be Legally:

Was the child born prior to the parents being legally married? The answer is that they were married when she was born. The fact that you two were not legally divorced when she was conceived, is irrelavant because you were legally separated and battling it out in court.

The second is to look at the marriage: (the extinct one)

What state was the marriage in when she became pregnant? The fact is the marriage was over, done, kaput. There was no attempts by either party being made to revive it.

An OC is only a term used when one parent is emotionally or legally bound to another partner when the child was conceived or born.

TFS

Peachy,
Just remember it isn't that little baby's fault. I can see some issues regarding how much attention is being paid to baby instead of your son. Your EX needs to be fair to both as they are both now his children.

Jill,

I see on your tag line that you are engaged to a man with 3 kids from a prior marriage and that they are teens. How's it going between you guys? Do they have any problems with you two? How is the Ex treating the situation? Has she moved on? I'm in the same situation as you and so I'm always curious how other couples are doing. We are doing fine. There have been some rough moments and the Ex has big problems with us. That in turn makes it tough on the kids. We are proceeding very slowly as to let everyone adapt to the engagement.

Look forward to your post!

Sorry for the threadjack Peachy!!

TFS

TFS- Actually I am the one with three kids. My NH has 1 son. It is going great. We all have developed a pretty good relationship with eachother. It helps that my D and his S were good friends and kind of set us up. There are some jealousy issues once in awhile but the kids have been pretty good about working through these.

Ok...no I don't care if other ideas are discussed on this thread, but I would like to say that if you've read how I feel, I DO NOT have any ill feelings towards that child or ANY child for that matter..

And my opinion is just that. An OC. Yep. Period. You aren't going to change my mind. I know what the status of my M was when he met FV..he and I still had slept together and he was seeing her along with the other OW as well. So it is an affair sitch completely.

And TFS...I know your Fiance's xw is not over the fact he's engaged, but it doesn't mean that I am like her or that all x's and BS are bitter or jealous. I am happy. If the man just pays us what he owes us, tries to be decent for once and be the kind of dad he should be, then I am ok with everything. I am not going to have a latte with this new W, because stats show she ain't gonna be around long...espcially with the other side affair going on. Plus I don't care about them or anything like that anymore. Not my problem. I choose whom I am around and define my boundaries rather well these days. I got worried a few weeks back when I found out about the other OW re-emerging b/c I already believe his new W is unstable emotionally (hence the outrageous spanking incident and lying) and her state of mind last fall when she called me. I just worry about when my son is over there what is happening to him.

It's hilarious, the sameness of the affairs and divorces that follow immediately.

I just got back from Lowe's and needed some help finding a weed killer. Their manager was super nice and he helped me. He said "sorry if I seem like alot's on my mind, but I am in the middle of a bad divorce...seems my w has met somebody else and you wouldn't at all believe the hell I am going through"...We ended up talking for about 15 minutes and he got a really good clue about stuff and will probably surf around here and try to learn a bit more. Same lies, same stories, same excuses, same everything. And in the end, the WS asks this guy that "she'd like to be friends with him and that he'd probably really like the other man and that while the kids (2 and 8) are confused, it's just going to take time to get used to things now." I almost laughed. I told him the same as I tell others here. I am not going to be the glue that holds them together so I am not going to be disrespectful in any way, or mean natured to them, but will keep a healthy distance from my x and will not at all have contact w/ow/w at all. That they will have to learn to respect ME and MY boundaries...

The guy got a sneaky smile on his face and said this..."My pastor at church says that 85% of all remarriages within a year of a divorce fail according to a study he read..And that if it is the result of an ongoing affair, that it's almost 100 percent failure rate."

So I guess I am not the only one on the bandwagon here of affair marriages being pretty much doomed. I think it has more to do with time and working on yourself as much as the affair thing going on personally. That they aren't thinking clearly and evaluating their lives, their shortcomings, anything. The WS just jumps in head first on their way to supposed happiness with the OP. And like the case of my xh, he didn't even get to tie up any loose ends before the instant remarriage and birth.

Now the quandry I have is the demands of the people I have been dating. I swear I get the WS mentality completely now. Two of the guys are trying to secure a date for tonight while I don't know what I want to do so I am just kinda avoiding all of them period. The more they seem to ask of me, the more I seem to back off. Last night I stayed in and HN called and said "well I haven't seen you in 3 weeks now. You are getting more distant and I keep asking you out more and more and calling you more and more". Does that sound familiar? Anybody?

If anybody out there has a snowball's chance in heck of saving their marriage on the brink, I say do the divorcebusting 180 tip list. I have done a bit of that in my dating now and it's worked really well. Almost too well btw. And now that I am dating, I guess I realized that I DO NOT NEED ANY MAN TO COMPLETE ME. Nope. I think I have reached a spot where I am happy with me. And the guys I've been dating can't "get it". Either they think they're the best things since sliced bread or that I must be defective as a woman b/c I am not wanting anything serious too much right now.

Now I'll be 35 this monday. My sis called and gave me the business about my "getting a bit older now and although I look maybe 28, that I am 35" and that I should be getting on with life, finding right guy, working more on me, etc. Was supposed to go to a double bridal shower today but have some yard stuff to do and the new yard cutter guy is coming over (I have horrible allergies or I'd do it myself. My eyes swell shut when I am around weeds or touch them). And tonight I am supposed to go to yet another party..a bachelorette party for another friend (the third friend) who's getting married. It's everyhwere. My friends are mostly getting married for the 1st time and I am trying to figure out why I am not doing as Melanie my other bridal friend, did and "say either it's the ring or the door". Now the guys I am seeing are trying to tie me down and are getting all antsy b/c I havent ever mentioned to them the "c" word or admitted I'd just been seeing them. As my best friend said..."you're probably confusing the poor guys because you're behaving LIKE MOST GUYS DO. AND THEY DON'T LIKE IT." I laughed but she's right.

Hey, Peachy, I knew there was a reason I liked you and followed your threads - My B-day is Monday, too!!!! I'll be 43. Treated myself to laser eye surgery for my B-day. I REFUSE to get old!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Pal!

Regards,

Brit's Brat

Peachy- That first year after a divorce is so confusing. It just takes time to figure out again who you are and what you want. Have fun dating and when the right man comes along take it slow for awhile.

Happy Birthday if I don't post on Mon! 35 heck you are just a kid! Go have some fun <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jill

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PEACHY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you enjoy your day to the fullest!

"You aren't going to change my mind. "

Wasn't trying too. Only giving my thoughts and experience on the subject. Still see the new baby as just a baby since the parents were married.

"So it is an affair sitch completely. "

If he saw her prior to leaving you, then I agree. That doesn't change my thoughts on the baby.

"I know your Fiance's xw is not over the fact he's engaged, but it doesn't mean that I am like her or that all x's and BS are bitter or jealous."

Peach, not sure what I said that made you think that I think all BS's are bitter and jealous? Not so. Some are far from it!

"I am happy."

Why this statement? I didn't say you weren't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />


" I am not going to have a latte with this new W, because stats show she ain't gonna be around long...espcially with the other side affair going on."

Never advised you to either. I didn't do it with my Ex's W. I've only been cordial with her. Nothing like lunch or coffee's alone! It'll never happen!

Hope that clears things up.

Let us all know how the B-Day went!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Jilly,
Thanks for the reply. Three teens at once has to be a handful!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WOW! Have you read any books on Stepmothering? I've read one and would like to read some others.

<small>[ March 29, 2004, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

Hi, been 3 years since I've been here...and this thread is funny and SO true! O M G!

My ex cheated on me thru our 20 years together. His life with me was cheating and I sure hope he's recreating that life with her because she deserves it. And by the way, they just had a baby too. When I had my children, he was doing his BIGGEST and most cheating on me. Well, low and behold, he came for his once-a-year visit with our kids recently and heck if he wasn't checking ME out BIG TIME. He even made comments to my oldest son about my looks. Ugh! Nothing changes. Same lying/cheating POS, but now it's her turn and I'm more than glad to hand it over to her.

Speaking of OC's, my ex took out his wallet to show my sons the pic of their new "half sister". Except one thing, my sons noticed their pictures were not there.

This is one XW that is glad to live in another state where my XH is basically off my planet, thanking God for that.

Geez this was an eye-opener! Thanks and take care y'all.

Thanks TFS...Jilly...

Had a very very uneventful bday...Worked 12.5 hours outta town on emergency basis..

Basically slept all day tuesday recovering from the day on monday...

And I don't feel older yet..lol!

Picked up son from school yesterday and voila! He hardly mentions the new baby at all. He did say this...the baby cries all the time and poops alot. (yea, he said this.) OW/W cut my son's hair it seems and it is horribly crooked, his bangs...and it's the week before Easter and he and I were going to get our pics made this week w/the bunny...so I am trying to just use a bit of hair gel and brush his bangs over to the side..

Seems my x is being very disrespectful as son said he says "shut up" and "shut your mouth" to FV...He said "daddy isn't being very nice anymore"..Plus he's going outta town all the time (any guesses here about that?)...

I hear this stuff and I almost, mind you almost, feel sorry for his new W.

But I am happy b/c I am getting on and doing darn good, despite utter exhaustion sometimes..

Dating front is getting foggy. I am having a bit of trouble figuring things out and when I can put my finger on it, I will post and get some advice from you on this...thanks jilly and tfs for good advice and other thoughts and points btw.

At work and thankfully having very very light patient load today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Check ya later.

JustPeachy,

I have just read page 2 and 3, and am curious about this dating stuff.

I also have met someone, and have been dating.
What is it with us??

I did meet him while I was in the process of my divorce, and hindsite, I would have totally put him to the side, but he is so kind, and giving.
I believe he helped me through the process, but I have a sense of guilt.
It's almost like a shame in my mind, to be with another person.
He has been everything that my X was not.
He is caring, giving, a gift giver, a wine and dine kind of guy, affectionate etc.
so WHY would I push this away.
The saying, be careful what you wish for is so true. This guy is everything my X was not, and always wanted him to be and now, it's almost seems to be too much!

I went through the last two years of my marriage, being the OW with my X. I was not top to him.
I am divorced now, and have been since December, but, I still do not want seen with this man I'm dating.
I'm not ashamed of him, but it's more that I do not want people to see me with men.
If we were to stop dating, I don't want people to see me with different men.
Of course, I live in a small nibby town. I'm not from here, but the school moms love to chat!

In my mind, I feel like I should go through this alone period. I don't know what I think it should be. But, to feel alone! To totally appreciate someone again.
As if, for some reason, to feel more pain. As if I haven't felt enough.
Mind you, I was alone the last 2 years of marriage. There was no attachment from X. It was all about him.

So what is this feeling of I don't need a man?

I know people say, we should not get involved with anyone for awhile.
And I do think there is a reason for that. But goodness,
to feel good about your self again, and not to feel so down that you are nothing is a pretty good feeling.
I know for me, I felt like I was nothing since my X replaced me.
Like I wasn't attractive, smart, a good wife, etc.
So while these feelings are good, why push away the very person that has made you feel like a woman again?? (my thougthts for myself)

I tell him, and whomever, if we work thats fine, and if we don't that's fine too.
I have no desire to be remarried at this point in my life.

Do you think these feelings are okay?
Are they natural?

Just curious as to what you might say.

K

Me 41
X 41
Two girls, 13 & 9
Affair came to light in Jan 2002
Jan 2003 is deeply in love with this woman, can't live without her.
X moves out 3/2003
D. 12/2003
X moved in with OW 1 week after D final

Peach,

Well, at least you survived your B-day!! LOL Plus, you can't complain about not feeling any older! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

"Picked up son from school yesterday and voila! He hardly mentions the new baby at all. He did say this...the baby cries all the time and poops alot. (yea, he said this.) "

Too funny! Sounds like he's going to adjust to the new little one. You've got to give him big credit for that.

"OW/W cut my son's hair it seems and it is horribly crooked, his bangs"

Maybe this is a boundary to me, but I'd have ripped her a new one for cutting my son's hair. How DARE she?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> That simply isn't her place!

"Seems my x is being very disrespectful as son said he says "shut up" and "shut your mouth" to FV..."

Don't you feel like the *lucky* one that you don't have to put up with his sh** anymore? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Made me giggle out loud. Not that I'm happy about someone elses trouble, but this is too funny. Perhaps it's cause I related it to some stories I'd heard from my kids years ago about how the Ex treated his W.

Thanks TFS.

And I got some more ironic news..

Son said after school yesterday when we passed a police car..."Daddy got pulled over and a policeman gave him a coupon (kid version of this) and shook his finger at him and said not to go so fast with me in the car.."

Son then went on to say that "daddy has to work alot out of town these days " <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Seems affair mode is full swing again even with marriage to OW/W with former OW monkeyho.

And I am so darn glad that I am not with this guy anymore btw... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dating is wierd. For example, I work with a very cute PA and we've kinda gone out once. He asked me during a stress test today why I didn't feel like going out on my bday in front of a patient. Geez.

But it's nothing to be embarassed of. To the other poster who was worried of people seeing her out, my advice is this...get over it! Get out there when YOU ARE READY AND UP TO IT. Only you will know that time.

I am outta here and going home...very light day again and I am happy...

oh..i forgot..

I GOT SOMEWHAT OF A PROMOTION WITH MY COMPANY. Did so good at marketing the medical equipment that the VPs can't keep up with the leads I am generating so they're turning me loose monday at selling another type of medical device.

So I am four days in clinic doing clinical medicine, one day doing medical sales. Awesome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope the OW herself weighs 500 lbs after birthing the baby, makes him wipe up the poop, pee and barf from the baby and change diapers, makes him get up for midnight feedings, makes him pay for the baby clothes, etc, and forces him to go to Dr visits with the baby.

I hope he gets the WHOLE ENCHALADA so to speak!