Hi all, I am new to this site so please bear with me as I may ramble on. My H of almost 3yrs (been together for almost 8yrs) asked to "have space" since he and I have not been getting along as of late I left our apt 2/28 and barely hear from him. His issues w/ me are my jealousy, not wanting to move out of NY (wants to move to AZ since NY is so expensive),didn't start a family when I first agreed to start this past Dec, not following through on promises and not having anything in common anymore. I do get jealous of the fact that he spends his Friday nights out w/o me (needs his guy night)bowling and does not get home until the next AM-one time did not het home until 8:30am! My other jealousy issue is that he has this girl who is a friend from bowling who he seems to spend a lot of time w/ on the phone- I have approached him on this and he denys anything is going on - just she needs a friend to talk to since I have left our home he speaks with her everyday on his cell and sometimes talks with her for 90mins at a clip. I dont want to move out to AZ at this time - I have a very ill father who is in need of a heart transplant so the last thing I am thinking about is moving at this time. We did not start trying for a family in Dec as I orginally agreed upon because we can not afford it. My H was out of work for 18 months and we have just started to be able to pay down some of our debt. For those 18 months I supported us and I did it willfully and happily since that is what a married couple does. He now has a part time job and makes decent $ so instead of us re-building our marriage - he wants time apart. The promises I have broken have been not eating, going to see a doctor for my various health issues that effect him (snoring mainly). I lost myself somewhere along our relationship and the separation has been good in a way I am slowly finding myself again but I can't shake this knawing feeling that there is more to it than him needed space. How do I get us back on track? How do I address this "other woman" situation? Am I overreacting to it? Should I cut my loses and move on? To give him his space, I do not call him 'cause that would defeat the purpose of him thinking out what he wants to do, if he wants to talk he calls me (usually while I am at work- never over the w/e). I think I have been patient with the situation but how do I begin the healing process? How do I know if it is really over, if he really just needed "space" or if he is torn between me and this other woman? Any advice would be appreciated. I am 30 and my H is 32. Thank you!

Ok, If you know in your gut that there is a possibility he is having either and EA/PA then you are probably right. Bowling till the sun comes up? No way. A female "friend" to talk to about his problems? Needing space is a sure indicator that something is going on.

Most likely things got off track when he was out of work. He had plenty of time to interact with other people outside of the M while you were out providing. It is sad but that is the way these things happen. The dedicated spouse doing the best they can while the other taking advantage of the sitch. Then the WS says they are lonely and you don't spend enough time or pay enough attention. The job loss was not his fault but what he chose to do with his time he is accountable for.

Right now since he is not trying to work on the M is to keep working on you. Try to find out from him where is with things as far as the M. He will most likely be negative towards the M but really listen to what he is communicating but not necessarily what he is saying.

Be honest with yourself! If you have no children then this decision can be made easier.
If you still love him and think the M is worth it wait it out. If not get the goods on him and do what you have to. It is not easy and I want to tell you that I am standing for my marriage and pray everyday that God restores us but everyone has their own feelings when this happens to them.

Also read as much on this site as possible, start with the basic concepts, buy and read some books such as His Needs, Her Needs. Apply the principles and pray a lot for yourself and others involved.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.