I'm really sad and full of regret this morning as I prepare to sign the papers for Dv. WW will be served with them some time later this week. I didn't know it would feel this bad. Both of our LB's are empty, we look at each other knowing we once loved each other but are too scared and hurt to reach out to the other person. We have treated each other with respect as we have divided our assets and belongings, and I am proud of how we have treated each other.

There is just some finality, emptiness, a big void into which I am plunging myself. I'm sad that she doesn't want to give it a try. I'm sorry that I wasn't the man she needed and while I may be now, she just not interested. I can only do something about my life and move forward. I never want to make these mistakes again and go through this again.

I only wish that mine was heading in the direction that yours ended with dignity intact. You can be proud that you were able to accomplish such a hard task in your life without destroying each other. You are in our prayers.

God bless you today. I know it is hard. I remember exactly when and where I was when I signed mine..

You did all you could do. YOu have my admiration because you are able to carry on with much grace.

Your x will realize this one day and that day will come indeed. Until then, take care of you and the kids and know we are here and praying.

Why are you divorcing so soon?
Did you do Plan B (with a Plan B letter)?
If you did do a Plan B, was there any contact?

Personally, I recommend you stay in (a VERY GOOD) Plan B until the first of next year.

Thank you for your prayers and support. I know I must focus on myself to grow spiritually and mentally and have been quite blessed by God with an intense period of quality growth.

Chris...you of course raise an excellent question, which I have pondered and pondered and pondered. This is not a rash movement, I'm not like that. This is deliberate and carefully considered.

But a rephrase or you question could be, "why now?" The marriage of 2 conflict avoiders makes reconciliation seem like a extremely remote possibility. We each had our affairs, mine porn and busy-ness, hers a EA/PA and the love banks ran dry. Plan A/B may have been a good idea, but with death of my grandma, her selfishness, my mistakes, etc, it all just kinda fell apart. We've been separated since Thanksgiving, talk about every other week about emotions, divorce details, etc. While there have been some words that gave me hope (trust actions not words), there have been no "recognizable" actions indicating she wants to pursue our marriage. She's been gone long enough that I am comfortable with my freedom and individuality.

Why now? I'm 28, married 4.5 y, no kids, in school, and have a lot to live for and new areas of my life to explore. Why spend more time on a dead end and someone who continues to live the same busy priorities that degraded our relationship in the first place? I haven't seen any growth or change on her part. I always welcomed her back to talk (seeking conversation - a change on my part, was one of her unmet ENs), have acknowledged and tried to fulfill her spoken requests. But she's not coming to our relationship, so I must move on. As for the DV path, I have delayed, considered, reconsidered, prayed, sought counsel, etc, etc, but she's not coming back, so I will move on.

Why spend more time on a dead end and someone who continues to live the same busy priorities that degraded our relationship in the first place?
Because it is not a dead end.
You are just now at six months after discovery.

The marriage of 2 conflict avoiders makes reconciliation seem like a extremely remote possibility
And your experience with this kind of situation is better than Harley's? Meaning that you KNOW what the outcome is going to be more than Harley (and others)?

I know I must focus on myself to grow spiritually and mentally
This is exactly what Plan B is all about.

Keep in mind that Plan B is not simply to save the marriage. It will give the marriage the best chance to survive
If it doesn't survive, it is to give you the best chance at "fixing" your problems (The marriage of 2 conflict avoiders) before you get involved with someone else.

<small>[ March 22, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Coaster - I think it may be too soon as well. In your tag line you say "Trusting God"
Most often God says wait! I know the pain you feel I am there myself. I have filed as well but I am going to wait on God. Most reconciliations dont happen in 4-5 months. Work Plan B and get into the word. Faith without works is dead. Breath life into the situation and no matter how dark don't give up.