My ex gets his wages garnished but one month due to time off, his paycheck was short and I didn't get all the children's child support. The state won't collect this from him unless he is a full two months behind and this has been several months in which he keeps telling me, "I just don't have it."

So, this week my son needed baseball shoes and a baseball helmet. I told ex that if he takes him shopping and buys him shoes and helmets, give me the receipt and I will write a check to the child support account for this amount.

HE DID! It is great because he got the credit for the hat and shoes, got to spend extra time with younger son shopping for him, and younger son got to spend time with his dad, so all three of us got something out of this.

In another month, I am going to suggest he buy them something else that is needed and continue to do this until the whole amount is paid back.

Anna

You go girl! What a wonderful idea!

Flexibility is key.
And it's a great way to encourage time with the kids.

Another way to get a parent to pay you some of the back child support they owe
He's not paying the child support.
It's just giving the appearance of it.
Why not just go to court and get child support dropped?

It's great that he is seeing your son and doing something with him though.

I don't understand why he can't pay child support but can buy baseball gear??? And then you write a check... so, you're still in the hole... you may as well have bought the gear yourself. I don't get it.

My fiance's xWH is a total deadbeat and she's struggling major to recover from bankrupcy and debt that he abused as part of their divorce. Her paycheck isn't barely enough to cover day care and gasoline to and from daycare. I've been thinking about what to do, my role, etc. in this. I don't need the child support and won't after we're married, but for now it's important to my fiance that she prove she can make it on her own... and from a closure point, get the child support thing actually working. Right now, her x will send a $10 birthday gift in lieu of $250 child support. Or, he'll fly out and visit but not pay. I don't get how this is supposed to work both for the custodian and the payor.

Anyways... I'm glad this worked for you Anna even though my brain is flipping out trying to understand why this is good.

Thanks Bumper & Newly

Chris, maybe I wasn't specific enough in my thread. The state garnishes his wages bi-weekly for a specific amount. However, if he switches jobs or if he misses time off work, sometimes it effects how much the state will garnish, if any, but he is still legally responsible to send the money in personally. When this occurs, I have trouble getting it from him, because he knows I have very little I can do legally until he is two months behind. So, I was just saying that this has occurred, he is about a half a month behind and this is one way that I have found he'll agree to.

Lyza,

When I send the check personally to child support, they turn around and deposit it back into my checking account. This way it lowers the amount he is behind but I get it back. Weird, I know but it does help me.

I am not in anyway recommending this as something someone should do instead of child support. I am just saying that my son needed shoes and a helmet, I needed the extra child support, for whatever odd reason my ex was more willing to pay for my son's shoes and helmet than send it in. I'm happy and he's happy. He's still behind but a little closer to being caught up and in a month from now I plan on coming up with another necessity for him to buy in order to get a little closer to him not owing back support.

As for the girlfriend. It doesn't matter if you need the money or not, his father should support him, put it in an account for his college fund once you guys are married.


Take care,
Anna

<small>[ March 23, 2004, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Chris, maybe I wasn't specific enough in my thread.
I thought you were very specific.
But you wrote, "Another way to get a parent to pay you some of the back child support they owe..."
He is NOT paying back child support. You are.

When I send the check personally to child support, they turn around and deposit it back into my checking account. This way it lowers the amount he is behind but I get it back. Weird, I know but it does help me.
How? He spends $10 on a cap and it costs you $10 out of your pocket.
For every dollar you give yourself in child support, he does not have to give it to you.
Sounds like a winning situation for him and a losing situation for you and you children.
It's the same as me buying a car from you and then you make the payments on it.

I needed the extra child support,
You are NOT getting the extra child support. If fact, you are PAYING child support.

for whatever odd reason my ex was more willing to pay for my son's shoes and helmet than send it in.
So simply let him buy the cap.
If he gets behind in child support, you don't HAVE to take him to court. The amount owed will simply be added to . This amount is owed until it is paid off, even if it is still owed after your kids are of legal age.

He's still behind but a little closer to being caught up and in a month from now I plan on coming up with another necessity for him to buy in order to get a little closer to him not owing back support.
Why not just pay off the amount he owes. He'll be happy & you'll be happy ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> for some reason).
If it all works for you, great, but don't think he is paying what is owed to you.

<small>[ March 23, 2004, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris,

Let me try explaining this a different way...

Let's say I didn't talk him into buying my son shoes and a helmet. That would mean I would end up buying my son shoes and a helmet as he needed this for baseball. That was no option. So I would have been out the money and plus, he still wouldn't have paid the back child support, and more than likely I would never ever see that money so I am considering it to my favor, this week, I didn't have an additional expense of shoes and helmet. As soon I send in this child support money, it gets reimbursed to me. Paying for the shoes and helmet, I'd get no money back. If he would have sent in $75.00, I would have took that money and spent it on the shoes and helmet anyway. I am just doing it in a different way. Whewwwwwww!!!! MEN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anna

Let's say I didn't talk him into buying my son shoes and a helmet. That would mean I would end up buying my son shoes and a helmet as he needed this for baseball. That was no option.
You had that amount of money put towards back child support.
Why didn't you just buy the shoes and helmet?

So I would have been out the money
You are out of the money now (actually later because he no longer owes you that portion of back child support which he did not have to pay).

and plus, he still wouldn't have paid the back child support,
And he STILL hasn't paid the back child support.

and more than likely I would never ever see that money
Never? You expect him to NEVER have a job again?
Back child support is owed until it is paid off.

The way you are trying to explain it, the ONLY thing your h is obligated to your son for is child support as awarded by the court.
He does not owe anything else in the way of support (in a moral sense, not legal).

As I said, if it works for you, great.

<small>[ March 23, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris,

Maybe this will help. Here's what I told my ex...

You owe me money for child support during the month you took off. I need to buy son shoes and a helmet. If you take him shopping and pick these items up with your own money then I'll send that money in for you on the child support.

Does that help?

Anna

Maybe this will help.
I understand it.

The court says he owes child support, not shoes.

Tell him to put it into child support and you will buy the shoes (or give him the money to take him to buy shoes). Then he get credit for paying child support and he gets to do things with his kid.

Chris,

I do understand where you are coming from as well, but, I look at it as "be stubborn and tell him send only money to the child support account and end up getting none of the money owed, or be creative and come up with other ways to get the money." I chose the ladder.

Also, if I would have told him to send the money and then I'd give it back to him for shoes, I know his mind, right or wrong, he'd think that I was being controlling and he'd feel belittled and not like "a man" and then he probably wouldn't do it. Knowing and accepting a person as much as possible and working around this is something what I think I have to do in order to get my kids the things they need.

This is just a small portion of the yearly child support, if I was letting him pick out our groceries or pay my light bill in lieu of support, that would be one thing but it's just letting him buy some of the things the kids needs with the child support money, things I would have bought any way.

As I post this, I see a little of his side too. He lost a huge portion of income when we closed the business, he has very little money to buy the kids extra things, the kids only get to see me buying them clothes, shoes, paying for the lunches and so forth and even though they know dad pays child support, I am sure he enjoyed taking some of the child support he pays and actually seeing a little of where it is going, and sharing in the joy of helping his son pick out baseball shoes and a helmet, which is something he says he can't afford on his own now.

In my opinion, this in no way is a bad thing and once he gets it paid off, I just may give him money from time to time to take the kids shopping with his child support. Maybe it'll help make him a little less bitter towards giving child support.

I do appreciate your thoughts and understand exactly where you are coming from too though.

Anna

Chris I see your point, this is just creative accounting (assuming xh would never buy anything else anyways). But I think anna is doing a good thing for her son and her xh (in the sense of working with him as he is). This could have long term benefits, maybe not, probably not, but a worthwhile effort, and perceptive IMO. The risk would be if he somehow abuses this method, but I think anna is pretty up on stuff.

Another wrinkle for something like this would be (if he is responsible enough) if there are things xh thinks would be good to spend money on for son, anna might suggest to xh she might be willing to go 50/50 or throw in 25, 30, 40 whatever % toward child support....that could get him to free up a few more dollars and contribute to the relationship with son.

SUFDB,

Since you posted on a thread about child support I have to ask....

What about you? Have you got caught up on your own child support & responsibilities with the monies you owe Faith? Are you taking care of your responsibities now or still making excuses why you haven't paid? Your ex has stated you weren't paying in the past so I am curious to know if you have fixed this now.

Anna

P.S.

I'd love to hear your side to all this.

<small>[ March 26, 2004, 03:40 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

anna..Since you posted on a thread about child support I have to ask....

What about you? Have you got caught up on your own child support & responsibilities.

sufdb...I have not at any time been responsible for any financial hardship re my divorce. In addition I have voluntarily made available 10's of thousands of dollars beyond my legal obligations. My exw insisted on a contentious divorce (I didn't contest anything) thereby insuring she recieved LESS than I would have continued to pay voluntarily (because the state guidelines were less), but that is how she wants it, no more no less. In addition she wasted approximately $20,000 dollars in legal fees to recieve less than I was willing to pay in the beginning (I paid my attorney about $4000 cause he had nothing to do except show-up at various times....he was mad at me, and chastised me regularly for giving away so much and not fighting her). I was willing to buy her a new vehicle before the divorce (with these marital funds), instead she opted for legal fees. Afterwards she wanted the new vehicle, but there was no longer enough money for that expense.

I also continued to pay almost all the expenses (except food) for my child, school trips, extracurricular activities, gas money...you name it... and will pay the college education expenses not otherwise covered by grants/scholarships/etc. I have no idea what she did with the unused child support money.

She choose for a time not to accept the support monies (alimony and child support) because it suited her to run around claiming to be poor, and the court system was confusing regarding getting paying going...even though it was legal to pay her directly and I begged her to take the money, she refused...finally the problems were worked out and she got all of it essentially at once (over a couple of months...about $20,000). Even so she was at no risk during this time, and had no problem asking me to spend money for things long as I didn't expect it to count towards support credit. At no time was she ever in anything like the financial disasters many here speak of, or under any actuall financial pressure (although I have no doubt she "thinks" she was, that is part of how she is coping in an unhealthy manner...ie being a "victim").

Despite the massive abuse (during the affair incident, and divorce), and emotional neglect/anger for decades, and generally unplesant and uncooperative/selfish demeanor, it is unliklely I will ever let her starve...I am just not put together that way, I take my responsibilities seriously. She is the mother of my children, and that in itself is enough to insure my reasonable interest in her well-being no matter how obnoxious she is...But I sure wish she would make some kind of effort to take responsibility for the marital failure, behave in a civil manner, and consider my needs/issues when we have a problem to resolve...but then again, that wasn't the case while married, so no reason why it would be now I suppose.