Hello,
my (H) has been into porn for sometime now, i diden't mention it when i first started posting here under divorcing divorced. when we first got our computer we never did have porn sites come up,and then just 1 day we started getting them. maybe 1 a day, then a few weeks later i noticed that when i would go to my mail to check my e-mail there were several in there,as well as i noticed also it was in my history. i ask my (H) about it and he said i don't know i haven't been looking at porn. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] so i then said well then explain to me how they got into my history, and he said maybe it is when we get those e-mails in our mail it automaticly goes in the history ,i said i thought for something to go to your history u have to search for something on the net then it shows up in the history. and he said he diden't know. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] can anyone one tell me what they think about what he is telling me? i feel like it is nothing but a lie again. plus i have noticed he has watch porn on tv and when i go in the room i noticed he changes the channel real fast. also i feel stupid to ask this but what is porn cookies? haven't had my computer very long and a'm new at all of this and still trying to learn. thanks. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Here are hyperlinks to three current threads about the same (or virtually the same) issue:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=3&t=000330
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=3&t=000329
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=31&t=005768<p>Please read all of these threads and each reply. So many good points have been raised, and the issue is a serious one.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>can anyone one tell me what they think about what he is telling me? i feel like it is nothing but a lie again. plus i have noticed he has watch porn on tv and when i go in the room i noticed he changes the channel real fast. also i feel stupid to ask this but what is porn cookies?<hr></blockquote><p>I assume you are using either Microsoft Internet Explorer or Netscape. In either case, e-mails that come in do not show up in your history. The history shows websites that have been accessed on the computer using that software; in other words, someone is looking at those sites. If only you and your H have access to the computer and you are not accessing those sites, then your H is.<p>Those e-mails are also a 'red flag'. As I understand it, frequent porn related e-mails occur when sites relating to porn (or sex) have been viewed and the e-mail address has been left behind as a trace of some sort on that site. It does happen, in frequently, that porn e-mails are sent without someone viewing porn, but the frequency would not be as high as you seem to be describing.<p>Cookies are a trace left on your computer's memory when internet sites are accessed. If they have not been cleaned (which they can be using certain software), they will show a pretty accurate record of the sites viewed on your computer.<p>Here is a hyperlink to a webpage that tells you how to check history and how to find cookies on your computer, in addition to other helpful hints for someone looking for information about what their spouse is doing on the net:
http://www.chatcheaters.com/spytips.htm#important<p>I hope I am wrong, but I think you will find as you do a little investigation on your own computer that your H is not telling you the truth about his porn use.<p>But then, you know that already don't you?<p>Sorry for your pain,<p>Trying Again and Again

See www.health24.co.za and click on cybershrink<p>He answers your questions sufficiently and quickly<p>Carol

Hi, I am not really qualified to give advice because iam in a rut myself & feel lost...but i wanted to let u know that you are not the only women that deals with the issue of pornography. I read your story ..and for a minute I thought it was mine. My H does the same & we have also been married for 10 yrs. And the prob is not that I didnt give him any...I dont know what their obsession is or what gratification they get out of it...but for us, the wifes its degrading. I hv tld my H that I didnt like it, but he got upset...saying why can't I enjoy watching porno with him. Sometimes I wouldnt even say anything to avoid prob, but he knew it bothered me and it would put him in a bad mood. . . Also, my H was also verbally abusive that improved with time...I think it helped because I never lashed back. I wld remain calm & tell him that he needed to change the way he responded to me. My problems go beyond porno...another major issue is his mom...but I wont go into that now. Regardless of what a women does it just never seems enough to please them...my H moved out 2/4/02. Like you, I would do so much for him, but was it counter productive? Seems like it. . Sorry I really dont have any suggestions, just wanted to let you know that there is someone else gng though the same @%^&! All I can say is to remain calm for your own sake...and seek counseling. I hv my first appt on Tue with a counselor myself..or else i feel i wont be able to cope with this turmoil. <p>Your friend <p>Riquette <p>32 female/mrrd 10 yrs/2 boys
H mvd out 2/4/02

here is a site that helped me get set free from porn. I am now a mentor at the following site:<p>http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com<p>also...<p>This could change your marriages around--
I invite you to check out the following site:
http://www.songofsolomon.com

Here comes another one, I have also been married for 10yrs and have a hubby with a pornography problem, I knew he veiwed porn before we were married and for the yrs following, I personally don't get anything from it myself but that doesn't make it right or wrong, normal humans masturbate, one of the things that concerns me is the amount of vids, mags and sites he has/visits, the thing that frightens, revolts and is killing me is some of the content, lets face it having a man urinating on you while you do things with cuccumbers that don't involve salads is not consistant with the gentle, careing man that I live with. Just to really put some salt in my wounds the sneaking, hideing, lying about porn shop visits ect has started to errode our marrage. I just feel so unatractive, useless and unloved. Our sex life is starting to suffer because I can't stand him touching me when I know he has been veiwing this crap. I can't exactly go and visit a friend and talk about it, I am too embarressed, so I can also add lost and alone, to unattractive, useless and unloved. Sorry to dump that and run but I didn't know where to start, I was so releived to read about others like myself. Thanks for listening. I will be back again.

Oz & In the Dark,
Oz - What you said about not being able to stand him touching you is so poignant. I once read a quote from a woman who found out that her husband was secretly viewing porn. She said something along the lines of the she could not stand the thought of the countless other faces together with her and her husband in their bed. We cannot know what our husbands are really thinking. All the asking I have done about whether he fantasizes about another woman while we make love leads to the same answer, "never", but how do I really know? With all the lies that have been told to cover up a stupid habit like porn, how do we really know that our husbands aren't lying about something big?
It's so painful when you start to see some of the stuff guys can get into with porn. It's like a totally different person is inside him that I can never really know. So which one is my husband? The nice guy he is (usually) around me, or the horny guy who gets off with DISCUSTING crap that he is when he is alone? Just don't know...
Cathy - If you need to know more about how to find things on your computer, let me know. I'm a seasoned pro at these things, sadly. I know how bad it hurts to feel like you need to check up on your husband. But sometimes it's needed for the security of knowing he is telling the truth or for the knowledge that he is now telling the truth. HE is the one who did something wrong to you, don't feel bad or let him make you feel bad about checking up on him.