Hey Everyone else! Wish...Newly, etc. How's it been going for everyone????

I'm cycling through ups and downs. My WW STILL hasn't officially filed!!!???? She's bought a house that's going to require her cash equity out of mine to close, but no divorce papers.

I'm finding my emotions cycle between extreme disgust one day to just painful crying the next.

She's still calling me every single day, sometimes more than once to "see how I'm doing" and to share her own woes & pain. We even went for a walk the other night for exercise. All was pleasant. Then at the end, she reached out and took my hand & pulled me up to hug me!!! Before I knew it, we were in a kiss. Short. Very light contact, but basically the first kiss since about December of 2003 or so....

Needless to say, that kind of sets your heart to hoping, but by the next day her tone of voice was very cool again & I haven't seen her since.

I'm wanting to get through the final divorce negotiations on this & then move on. This is just toxic to my painfilled heart. Anyone know what I mean?

Basically I'm here --> Torn between still wanting her back & feeling like holding on to save her from ruin....AND, wanting to move on to protect my heart from more pain & suffering.

I wish I had someone in person I could share this with better. It hurts soooooo bad sometimes I wonder if I'll make it.....too many <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> to continue right now.

High Flight

I see patience still isn't your strong suit. What about all that stuff of giving up control, flying the rh seat (God in the lh), etc. Just take it a day at a time hf, and WAIT, you ran the marriage for years....you can wait a while, she is trying out different stuff, when she knows, she will let you know....what's the rush anyways, you gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight or sometin? You got somewhere to go? I thought you had plenty of your own work to do....IMO you should send her a thankyou note for giving you an opportunity to practice PATIENCE, and not being in control....ya know? (the note thing was tounge and cheek, but I dunno, maybe some kind of appropriate comment in this regard might be helpful at the right time).

btw...that whole protect your heart thing is highly overrated IMO, ya wanna protect your heart, exercise, and eat right....otherwise nothing ventured nothing gained....so you take emotional risk in relationships...big deal. You worry about your heart and you won't get anywhere at all....in the way of love you lead with your chin, sucks doesn't it.

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sufdb:
<strong> I see patience still isn't your strong suit. What about all that stuff of giving up control, flying the rh seat (God in the lh), etc. Just take it a day at a time hf, and WAIT, you ran the marriage for years....you can wait a while, she is trying out different stuff, when she knows, she will let you know....what's the rush anyways, you gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight or sometin? You got somewhere to go? I thought you had plenty of your own work to do....IMO you should send her a thankyou note for giving you an opportunity to practice PATIENCE, and not being in control....ya know? (the note thing was tounge and cheek, but I dunno, maybe some kind of appropriate comment in this regard might be helpful at the right time).

btw...that whole protect your heart thing is highly overrated IMO, ya wanna protect your heart, exercise, and eat right....otherwise nothing ventured nothing gained....so you take emotional risk in relationships...big deal. You worry about your heart and you won't get anywhere at all....in the way of love you lead with your chin, sucks doesn't it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for your insensitivity sufdb! You don't have a clue...for all your great help in the past, you've been absent from any discussion with me for weeks now & you come on in assuming a ton that is absolutely false, and I'm not going to just take it from you. You've crossed the line here my friend. The sign says STOP!

Is almost 5 yrs of putting up with the crap I've had to subsequent to her affair impatient?

Is waiting and waiting now for 4 months of separation and on-again off-again impatient?

Is quietly allowing her to totally screw up our finances because she's run out and bought a house without finishing the divorce business, and getting my house free & clear of her impatient & being a control freak?

If you consider my actions rushing & controlling, then my friend you need to re-examine reality & find out how much of a grip on it your really have.

You've never even been with me in my life for one day. Why don't you consider that before you spout off some "help".

Kinda sucks to get called out for being insensitive & uninformed doesn't it?

HF

PS I do have some place to go...to a better, more healthy place with my life than here. Also, you're flat wrong about not protecting your heart relationally. Yes, risk in relationships is necessary, but not uncalculated idiotic risk. Dignity & personal well-being must be preserved.

whatever hf, but I did leave out the part about securing finances, figured that was kinda a given, but I agree, one must do that....guess we will just have to agree to disagee on the rest.

Hey dudes, I thought this was supposed to be a "support group" thread. It doesn't help if we pick at each other "scabs"......

HF, your wife's advances reminds me of what my H does. When I went to see him on Tues to talk about divorcing, his comments was that he can't handle the thought of divorce. It is too final. Then he gives me the puppy dog eyes and that is supposed to keep me going for another year or two. He doesn't want to make any effort in fixing us but he doesn't want to give up a sure thing either.

Yes, risk in relationships is necessary, but not uncalculated idiotic risk. Dignity & personal well-being must be preserved.
I can't agree with this more. I spent 30 something years of my life compromising my dignity with what-ifs etc so I think I have had enough. The waffling of emotional indecision is a killer. It does bore a hole in your soul.

Easter Sunday was a downer. Did not hear from my two sons and now I find out that my youngest son has moved..... and he did not even tell me. He is alot like his dad and he has a way of making me feel insignificant sometimes. He does not want to have to answer to anybody just like dad. But I have to be so careful not to project my marital sores onto my boys. I need to talk this out with my son cause this really hurts my feelings but I have to be careful that I only deal with the issue I have with my son.

Anybody have some similar experiences to share.
TW

Hello High Flight,

I usually post over on the GQII board but I may be posting here soon enough.I'd like to add my support for you too with the others.I know sufdb can sometimes rub people the wrong way with his responses and once in a blue moon I think he does have some insight in amongst all those wordy paragraphs IMO.

Anyway,I'm a great listener,always have been and always will be.I'm an RN so that is part of my personality.I have heard many sad stories in my life but I love to be the strong one and help people through tough times.I really like the idea of retelling our stories.It does help us to process it.

My story is that I have been married for 13 years.Together with my WH for almost 20.First loves,best friends,very deep.Two beautiful daughters.I always thought we would be together forever.WH promised me so many times that we would grow old together and that he would love me forever.We had the kind of marriage everyone thought was "perfect".So when I found out about my WH infidelity,it was the most painful experience in my life.I never knew such pain.Suicide crossed my mind several times because I didn't know how I would ever make it through each minute of every hour of every day.Even days before I found out it seemed everything was ok with us.I had loving e-mails and such to prove it.What an actor he was.

I think my WH needs to do a lot of growing inside.We have been together since we were teenagers.And while he was busy advancing his career,I was growing in many ways,raising two daughters,being the faithful and loving wife and mother.Creating a wonderful happy home,you know.I really liked the idea of having that home life for my family.I am an only child and my parents divorced when I was a teenager.I live with that pain still each day.I wanted so desperately to have a loving,happy, safe home for my family.I was a SAHM for many of the past years to raise my girls.I also think that my WH's being away from us as a family due to work situations and his extreme need for affection and admiration may have led him to make the bad decisions of Adultery.He needs to be almost constantly in touch with someone either by e-mail,cell phone or whatever.Talking, talking without a minute of stillness in his world.

So,after a Plan A,Plan B,separation and almost 8 months I am nearing divorce.I feel so hurt that this disgusting situation is still going on.The homewrecker(HW),as I like to call this OW,lives in Canada so the pathetic "affair" is still going on by e-mail and cell phones.The PA part stopped in January and my WH came home in mid February to say he wanted to reconcile.He seemed to be very serious since I was in my Plan B at the time.He came home early March and for a week I thought the nightmare was over.But,I found out he was in contact again by a secret e-mail account I found.More lies and deception and pain.

I knew he was in contact.He did his Dr.Jekyl and Mr.Hyde impression on me again.One week of hope turned into the land of nightmares again.So,this past month while he has been home until he starts his new job next week has been one, big, sad waste.We could have been working on our marriage and making things better but no.WH says he doesn't want to work on marriage but he also says he still feels there's a chance for us and he deosn't want a D.But,like Tossed wave,he continues to wallow in confusion,spouting empty hopeful statements and also hurtful ones and he is about to be a divorced man.He seems imobile or still completely selfish and does nothing to help save us.I could forgive my WH his A but this continued pain and suffering is beyond me.

Each day I grow increasingly resentful at being put through this.It is SO not fair.I didn't deserve this.I don't smoke,don't drink,don't do drugs.I have been told I am very beautiful by many people my whole life and I am 5'5" and weigh 118lbs so I am fit too.I am a good listener,caring,love life,am spiritual and have an even deeper faith since all this happened.I am extremely loyal and loving to those close to me and all I wanted was a happy,healthy family and a loving husband to grow old with and raise our daughters with and grand kids with.I have simple desires and have minimal "baggage" so my WH had basicaly no major issues with me ever.So having this happen to me is a big shock,still.Maybe I was knocked off my "perfect" pedestal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well that's my story in a nutshell.LOL.However I can support you I will help.I did take the time one day to read your story over on recovery several weeks back.I am sorry that things have transpired to this end.But as God does,he closes one door in order for a new one to open.And I truly believe that what we all are going through is to become closer to the ways of God.Divine order is in process so I have faith that this situation,as painful as it is,will bring about more growth for me one way or another.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 16, 2004, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

HF, I just posted a new story on the "Timely story for days when things seem bleak" thread over on the Recovery Board. You might find it a little bit of comfort during this very unsettling and scary time.

God bless.

My son called on Friday and it did not go well. He filled me in on his move and new job. Then I told him that I was so concerned about not being able to reach him on Easter and it really hurt to hear from his brother that he moved etc. Well he got very angry, was very defensive, and then would not talk to me so we hung up. This really brought me down. I feel depressed and so heavy-hearted.

The worst part, it seems to have stirred up a lot of feelings about being so insignificant to everyone in my life. I am keeping busy but I have no real desire to do anything. I am not getting any pleasure out of much. I also find myself longing for my old life back and I am missing my H. I do not know where all this is coming from. I almost feel like I did when I first separated from my H over a year and a half ago.

I also have gotten the uncontested divorce packet from the court to file for divorce but I have no energy to do it. I am feeling like I would do anything to have my M, my home, family life all back again. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going backwards,
TW

Hi TW,

I don't know why your son treats you the way he does.Maybe he is projecting his anger at you for the situation?

My WH is like yours in a way.I really feel like he is incapable of letting the HW go and doesn't want to change himself.I have put up with a lot from him in the 13 years we have been married, barely required much of him.I don't think he will find the same in this HW(homewrecker) he has now.She is a single 30 year old and I don't know of many women that age that don't want marriage and children in their future.I don't think WH realizes that that will be something he has to face at some point if we do D.

You sound like you have really been hanging on to what was or what could be but isn't.I know it's scary to think about but you can't go back.If I were you I would start filling out those papers.If there were any chance for a reconciliation with your WH it may be after D who knows but you have waited so long.I do give you credit for that.Maybe it's time to be alone for awhile and then find someone that does consider you significant.You deserve that,not what you have been handed.You can make the change in your life if you are willing to be open to it.

What's the alternative but to remain in stasis/limbo.That's an unhealthy place to be for long.It's like gangrene.If you don't cut off that limb then it will spread,kind of like this sickness of Infidelity.You will start to heal and recover when that part of you is removed.Sorry for the graphic analogy here but to me it really is a sickening state to be in.It's pervasive and stays with you,inevitably leading to death(soul) if not treated properly.I feel a slow death going on inside of me even though I am trying to keep busy and take care of my daughters etc.like everyone says.

I have such strong feelings myself to be away from this nightmarish life I have with WH.I do have the power within myself to be freed.I know I can't go on forever like this and I also have D papers,partially filled out.I may go for a legal separation but I really don't think separation solves anything.

Anyway,maybe seeing a counselor will help you in the transition to D if you choose.Or at least talking about it beforehand may be helpful.I am seeing my cunselor again to discuss this too.

O

Thanks to all for continuing this group. I haven't ignored it on purpose...just been flying my tail off for many days now. This week's full of trips too.

But, I'll be back here either later today or tomorrow. Just didn't want to appear rude and/or ignoring the responses.

God be with you all.
High Flight

You sound like you have really been hanging on to what was or what could be but isn't.

O, I think you are right about hanging on. I just don't know how to stop the feelings. I have always had hope our M would get "fixed". I do have to cut the ties, but I just don't know how to get the false hope out of me. I have to let go of everything I lived for and worked for for over 30 years. My H was all I lived for and I did love him more than I loved myself.

I lived most of my adult life working on our M. I never wanted to give up. Why can't I? I am trying to....It is funny though but I am struggling with some of the same feelings living alone as I struggled with being married. I seem to get stuck in feeling insignificant and very alone.....like nobody likes or cares about me feelings. I get so mad at myself for feeling this way.

I am in a good place though cause where there is struggle, there eventually comes revelation and another growth spurt. I am ready.

I know how you feel about just wanting to have a family, a nice home, someone to share life with and grow old with. Your situation seems different than mine, though. There is no addictions (other than the infidelity)with your H so maybe there will be a chance to reconcile. Addiction totally closes the door on rebuilding the M. But how long do you wait? The anxiety of it all bores a whole in your soul.

HF, don't worry about being here or not. Jump in when you can. It is good to have a place "where everybody knows your name" or should I say, where everybody knows what you are feeling.

TW

that's too bad. i like being alone. i like me. therefore, you got to get to the point where you like yourself. a little therapy never hurt anyone. and if you can get rid of the people who are abusive to you and are not your friends, that's everything. course i guess in my ccase going to the fbi didn't help.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> You sound like you have really been hanging on to what was or what could be but isn't.

O, I think you are right about hanging on. I just don't know how to stop the feelings. I have always had hope our M would get "fixed". I do have to cut the ties, but I just don't know how to get the false hope out of me. I have to let go of everything I lived for and worked for for over 30 years. My H was all I lived for and I did love him more than I loved myself.

I lived most of my adult life working on our M. I never wanted to give up. Why can't I? I am trying to....It is funny though but I am struggling with some of the same feelings living alone as I struggled with being married. I seem to get stuck in feeling insignificant and very alone.....like nobody likes or cares about me feelings. I get so mad at myself for feeling this way.

I am in a good place though cause where there is struggle, there eventually comes revelation and another growth spurt. I am ready.

I know how you feel about just wanting to have a family, a nice home, someone to share life with and grow old with. Your situation seems different than mine, though. There is no addictions (other than the infidelity)with your H so maybe there will be a chance to reconcile. Addiction totally closes the door on rebuilding the M. But how long do you wait? The anxiety of it all bores a whole in your soul.

HF, don't worry about being here or not. Jump in when you can. It is good to have a place "where everybody knows your name" or should I say, where everybody knows what you are feeling.

TW </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tossed Wave ~ I just grabbed a moment of down time between flights. I'm impressed to share this thought with you from my own pilgrimage.

First, while I didn't work on my M for 30 yrs like you (and I must say you have my UTMOST admiration for this saga), I have for 5 yrs done the same as you, tried everything, hoped above hope, prayed my heart out, etc., etc. So I think I really understand your struggle with your feelings. I share it in spades!

With my WW, it came down to this. She told me she had decided upon divorce, then she said, "I just cannot be your wife right now...I cannot love you the way a wife should love a husband. There'll always be a place in my heart that loves you, but I just cannot be with you right now, nor am I ever sure I can or want to."

Those were the most painful, yet revealing words I've ever heard from her mouth.

I had tried and tried to get her to go to BETTER counseling (Dr. H). To read important literature. To pray & ask God for the help needed. All to seeming no avail.

I assured her that I believed God capable of restoring the miracle of love to her heart.

She has seemed to refuse that gift from God. Therefore, I told her this: "(Her Name), our God is a God of miracles. He is fully capable of performing His miracle of giving you marriage love for me & healing you of your past issues. But He needs your willingness to do so. Without your willingness, I must tell you this. I cannot go through life with a broken heart. I must ask God to heal my heart & remove my marriage love for you if you're not willing to come home to me. So either way, God is going to have to perform a miracle -- either to give you love for me, or to take my love for you away!"

You should have seen her face...Tossed, may I ask you to consider going straight to God for help in overcoming your feelings and broken-heartedness? I've found Him the only One who really can.

God be near you,
High Flight

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tossed, may I ask you to consider going straight to God for help in overcoming your feelings and broken-heartedness? I've found Him the only One who really can. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sound advice, HF. And the only "real" advice that works everytime.

God bless.

P.S. I still haven't "given up" on your wife. What's the latest in her "independence" movement?

HF---it is a bummer to work on something alone that needs both partners to work together. Why I did that for 30 years I do not know. Probably for the kids and cause I had no biblical grounds for divorce before the A. Also, there were times of togetherness and good times mixed into the not so good times so the good kept me hoping for more.

With my WW, it came down to this. She told me she had decided upon divorce, then she said, "I just cannot be your wife right now...I cannot love you the way a wife should love a husband. There'll always be a place in my heart that loves you, but I just cannot be with you right now, nor am I ever sure I can or want to."

I am so sorry your WW said this to you cause I know what it feels like to hear that. I quess for me, this was the most honest thing my H ever admitted to so it was a double-edged sword for me.

This is the same attitude of my WS. I do realize that he truly is not able to love me or anybody else either (OW and he are not making it work). I would imagine your WW is the same. They are broken and like you said unwilling. We are broken and willing. Problem is that I do still love my H but I know it is over but the feelings linger at times. I did some weepy prayerin the past couple of weeks, also did some journaling last night so I can feel myself working through the feelings that are like a tornado to me right now. When I go through this type of emotional upheaval, God is working at the deepest level of my being. I have no doubt that He will lead me where I need to go and heal my wounds along the way.

Glenda, I will think about what you said:

that's too bad. i like being alone. i like me. therefore, you got to get to the point where you like yourself.

I don't feel like I don't like myself. I have been learning alot about myself through a spiritual gift/personality workshop we are doing at church. I like what I see so far. We are all wired differently. My personality needs to share with others, I need others to help me with vision, I need to interact with others in order to sense community and see some things differently. I envy people that can live alone but I am not convinced that I can do that. I find life alone is one-dimensional.

Thanks everyone for you support. I find posting here the best therapy. As we share our experiences, things come to the surface and then the reality of it all helps me to deal with whatever it before me.

TW

This is going to be a REALLY long post...sorry!! But I found the following so very helpful that I must share it here with you my friends on the pilgrimage to a better place....

**********************************************

Two Things To Do To Move Out Of Pain


TWO THINGS NECESSARY TO DO BEFORE YOU CAN MOVE OUT OF "WHAT WAS" AND MOVE INTO A BRIGHT NEW LIFE.


Thing A

Processing your divorce trauma to "make sense out of it" and get it filed away to where it "no longer" screws up your life.

Here in this article I am going to take the liberty to try to draw a mental picture to help you understand this "necessary process".

You can work thru this in as little as 30 days and get on with your new life, you can take the "usual" two years to get a normal life back or you can stay screwed up for the rest of your life by this one divorce.

Let us say, that you have 100 (arbitrary figure we picked out of nowhere.) mental emotional issues from your divorce trauma that need to be resolved before you are going to be able to be back up to your old capabilities and normal life.

Let us visualize a four drawer file cabinet, bottom drawer all the way out, 3rd drawer out 3/4 of the way, 2nd drawer half way out and top drawer 1/4 way out.

Someone drops and throws your 100 divorce trauma file folders, (big ones) right on top of these extended drawers so part covers all four drawers in great disarray.

Since your life is normally processed and operated from what is in these 4 files of your "life experiences" and now they are all but covered up by a mess of "unfiled" traumatic mis mash, you will not be able to fully function as you have in the past.

Until these large divorce trauma files get filed and you regain free access to your normal life files, your life will be a distraught mess.

You can take the normal two years to get it all back in order, you can even be so upset you disregard ever doing anything, and be one mixed up neurotic person for the rest of your life.

Until you do, the experts recommend you make no major decisions such as buying or selling your house, moving to Hong Kong or any thing at all that requires good thinking.

BECAUSE UNTIL THIS FILE MESS IS CLEANED UP YOU WILL LIKELY MAKE A LOT OF DUMB DECISIONS AND DO A LOT OF DUMB THINGS.

Since you are not now really operating from a full deck, so to speak (not up to your usual capabilities).

Now we will tell you how you work thru and file away correctly this big traumatic unresolved divorce file mess.

What determines how long before you get a normal life back, is based on how long it takes before you have these "divorce trauma files," filed away and regain full access to your "normal life" files again.

Your mental "processor" works on sorting each unresolved file out to determine where and how it is filed only when it hears you "talk about it".

Thinking about it over and over does not get it filed away where it causes no more problem.

Only "talking it out" where you big computer hears you saying (or writing down) how you consider it to make sense. Then it is filed away.

You can ruminate over and over trying to process this thinking about it day after day to try to make sense of it and get it out of the way.

It never gets filed however until your big computer hears you "talk it thru".

Some extremely traumatic files you will have to talk about 2 or 3 times before your processor makes sense out of it and hands it off to your big computers "file away" system.

So the key here is you do have to "talk it out" to progress with the "clear it out" project.

Two non-talking substitutes may indeed work as well as talking it out, though we have no defining experience here yet so maybe they do indeed work as well or almost as well.

First keeping a written journal of your thoughts and feelings where you see where you are on that right now on the issues in your unresolved files and how it changes from day to day, this is reported to work well.

Participating in divorce chat, email (and yes, even snail mail) with other people in the process, relatives friends etc. on what you are going thru is reported to work as well.

The results we tested and observed were almost entirely on actually talking it out.

Why not use all three and speed the process.

We found it really does not matter much who you talk it out with, providing they know how to listen and do not cut you off from expounding fully.

First choice would be a professional therapist who is well trained not only on how to listen but how to draw you out and get you to talk about what needs "talking out".

Second choice would be a well run divorce support group where each person participates fully in talking out their divorce.

Third choice would be regular contact and talk in person, on the phone, instant messaging and email, (or even snail mail) with individuals currently also in some stage of divorce adjustment or have completely worked thru it.

Fourth choice would be friends and relatives that know how to listen (hard to find).

We used an arbitrary figure for your situation of 100 unresolved divorce "blobs of data" so lets use an arbitrary large figure of needing to talk each file out 3 times.

It (could be 1 time each or 5 times), this is just an example and varies from individual to individual)

If these were accurate figures, (may be higher or lower) you would need, in this example to have 300 full fledge talks about your divorce trauma.

Full fledged conversations about your unresolved divorce files, this will activate your big computer to file them harmlessly away.

Will stop "screwing up your life" by no longer keeping, your regular "life experience" files from being accessed normally.

When all this "talking out" is accomplished, then your divorce would have been all filed away and its affect on your life is then history.

Your life will start to work much better when you get even half of the mis mash sorted.

However, be sure you finish the job of clearing out all these divorce trauma files dumped on you, before you risk adding new trauma.

How long it takes you to clear these out,, will determine how long it is before your divorce no longer screws up your everyday mental processes.

Only then can you really get on with your new life.

People that have huge emotional trauma that was never talked out have a quirky life and have oddball self imposed limitations that make no sense whatsoever to people that know them.
The oddball or crazy things they do or wont do in their life are things that their mental processor no longer has normal access to because of a blob of something dumped in the way, that has never been talked out and filed away in its proper place.

If they go to a therapist ten years after the traumatic event or happening, what they work on is clearing out this blob of still unresolved emotional trauma (by talking it out) so they eventually regain a full functional life capability.

This is perhaps an over simplification but it seems to have helped people understand the importance of what this "talking it out" thing is all about.

Once you understand it, then you can decide how to handle it and get accomplished.

We know that you CAN get from the worse time of your life to the best time in six months or less.

What we try to do here is explain to you how those that do it, in 6 months, what steps they took. What concepts they worked with and what really was effective for them.

You can take as long as you like, it is your life.

Realize, however, that your life is made up of time. You can eat up a good part of your "class A" life time, unnecessarily hung up in your divorce process.

************************************************

Hope this helps you as much as it did me.

High Flight!

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: High Flight ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ForeverHers:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tossed, may I ask you to consider going straight to God for help in overcoming your feelings and broken-heartedness? I've found Him the only One who really can. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sound advice, HF. And the only "real" advice that works everytime.

God bless.

P.S. I still haven't "given up" on your wife. What's the latest in her "independence" movement? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks FH, I haven't "given up" either. But I've put her firmly in the hands of her Savior & I'm accepting that this looks like it's requiring me to move on and accept her choices, painful as they are, and even though I disagree with them.

Latest is I get divorce papers from her either today or tomorrow. My house closes in my name tomorrow. She has signed a quit claim deed. Her new house closes this coming Friday. All $$$ will have been split & paid, and then the 30 days before the judge issues the final decree will be fulfilled.

She's more distant than ever. I haven't even seen her now for 2 weeks.

My prayer has been for God to remove my feelings for her if in His wisdom that is best because of her choices, and refusal to obey Him. That IS happening...slowly but surely.

In Him,
High Flight

Today I close on my house soley in my name. My WW is supposed to hand me divorce papers also today. We settled some last minute furniture items last night on the phone.

Please say a prayer for us today. Looks like the final flight has arrived.

High Flight

HighFlight, so sorry that your marriage is ending in divorce. Did you receive the D papers? Praying that you will experience huge portions of God's strength and healing as you step into a new dimension of life. This may give you more closure and the ability to move forward. Will you have reason to see your WW after divorce goes through? Does WW have contact with your boys?

I read your "two things to move out of pain" and I do agree that sharing with others is helpful. It just takes too much sharing to get anywhere and my problem is that I never feel like anyone really cares to listen so it is hard for me to sort it all out at times. My greatest friends or counselors are books and they seem to help me sort through things. I try not to burden my real friends with all my misery. I am now looking for the book you suggested "Crazy Time...."

I plan on praying, fasting and spending the day with God on Sunday. Really need his direction on some major issues

Hope you are doing ok?

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> HighFlight, so sorry that your marriage is ending in divorce. Did you receive the D papers? Praying that you will experience huge portions of God's strength and healing as you step into a new dimension of life. This may give you more closure and the ability to move forward. Will you have reason to see your WW after divorce goes through? Does WW have contact with your boys?

I read your "two things to move out of pain" and I do agree that sharing with others is helpful. It just takes too much sharing to get anywhere and my problem is that I never feel like anyone really cares to listen so it is hard for me to sort it all out at times. My greatest friends or counselors are books and they seem to help me sort through things. I try not to burden my real friends with all my misery. I am now looking for the book you suggested "Crazy Time...."

I plan on praying, fasting and spending the day with God on Sunday. Really need his direction on some major issues

Hope you are doing ok?

TW </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TW ~ Many, many thanks! Yes...divorce went through last Thursday. Papers are all signed sealed and delivered. All assets are finally divided. There's nothing left to do.

I helped her move rest of her stuff out. I helped her set up her refrig, etc. Anything I could think of to show her a caring attitude at the worst moment of my life. I felt I needed to do as Jesus, and "heap coals of burning fire upon her" at this moment.

I'm taking it one moment at a time right now....

Your prayer and fasting period sounds just right to me. God will honor your commitment my friend!

P.U.S.H. --> Pray Until Something Happens!!!

High Flight