Last time I saw my husband was over two weeks ago when he said he had someone else and that I'd be fine and to move on with my life. He said he 'loved me but was no longer in love' with me. He mentioned divorce and I said it was too much for me and to please consider us seperated. I also said I'd wait for him and asked him to get in touch with me when he was finished with her. It was a big shock for me and now the shock is wearing off some and I don't know if I should wait a few months or what. I do love him and want him back. I keep hoping it will end soon. (him and her) I'm completely staying away from him while he's in the thrust of his new lust. He's had similar affairs before but he would still see me. (before we were married) He now says he 'wants to be faithful' and won't cheat on her even for me. He told me he could be a great friend if I wanted to be friends. We left it at him promising to get in touch if it ends and him sending me my clothing. He said he was keeping a few keepsakes of me.
What do I do? It's been 11 years with 6 years of marriage. I'm quite attractive for my 54 yrs and he's 57. I'm guessing she's in her mid 40's. I'm a grandmother and he has a grown son.
Any feedback? (most appreciated)

Junie - Welcome to marriagebuilders. Probably you should start on the general questions board. I don't think you are ready for divorce just yet.

Start in Plan A. Read all about it here. Come here and post when you are going crazy. And try not to take it personally - this is just a fantasy he is going through.

In the meantime, try to do things to raise your bruised and battered self esteem. Do things you can feel good about, and try to take good care of yourself.

Is it love or fear of loneliness?


Once we learn what are our feelings are about - it's muce easier to resolve the situation (move on)...


btw, age has nothing to do with our happiness, otherwise we wouldn't have so much very young and very unhappy people, but it has a lot more with our life experience, wisdom, and lust - for life and love!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Junie:
<strong> Last time I saw my husband was over two weeks ago when he said he had someone else and that I'd be fine and to move on with my life. He said he 'loved me but was no longer in love' with me. He mentioned divorce and I said it was too much for me and to please consider us seperated. I also said I'd wait for him and asked him to get in touch with me when he was finished with her. It was a big shock for me and now the shock is wearing off some and I don't know if I should wait a few months or what. I do love him and want him back. I keep hoping it will end soon. (him and her) I'm completely staying away from him while he's in the thrust of his new lust. He's had similar affairs before but he would still see me. (before we were married) He now says he 'wants to be faithful' and won't cheat on her even for me. He told me he could be a great friend if I wanted to be friends. We left it at him promising to get in touch if it ends and him sending me my clothing. He said he was keeping a few keepsakes of me.
What do I do? It's been 11 years with 6 years of marriage. I'm quite attractive for my 54 yrs and he's 57. I'm guessing she's in her mid 40's. I'm a grandmother and he has a grown son.
Any feedback? (most appreciated) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear Junie,

You deserve FAR better than this. Think about just that fact alone. As long as you play the submissive victim...my dear, he will be the self-centered predator he sounds like he is at the core...multiple affairs and all.

Escape while the good Lord has given you an opportunity.

My prayers are with you,
High Flight

Junie,
How I feel for you.

I too thought I would live that way. I never married to get divorced.

I know I would have lived with my X having his affair. I loved him, and the thought of divorce was out of the question.

I went through a lot of counseling, two different ones (only because the first one told me it was over, and I didn't want to hear it).

I had to do that, for myself. I had to feel like I did everything I could to be okay with divorce.
And, I did.

I know, in my heart, that I did all I could.
My X would not give up his affair. It was not his first. (I had no idea about the other affair)

Like the other posts said, and I agree. You have to do things for yourself. Help yourself and your self esteem.
Please don't let this man do this to you. You are worth so much, and not a someone for him to come back to when he is done.

You have to soul search for yourself, and come to that on your own.

Today, I know that I am better off not living with his leftovers.
It took me so much time to realize this, and still am suffering from his choices.
But, to have lived with him "loving" someone else, and me not having all of his heart was not an option either.

For me, the breaking point was. While I knew he was involved in an affair. He went back to his home, with his mother and family. He hooked up with an old girl friend there, in front of his family, and broght the woman back to his mothers for the night. Now, I don't know what took place if anything, but, that was way too much for me.
That was the final straw. I knew at that point, he was a womanizer, and I did not want that, and could not live with that.

I know the hurt you are talking about.
I was married for 18 years, and have two wonderful daughters.
I am divorced/alone now, and I am fine.
It's not the life I would have invisioned for myself, and most certainly not my daughters.
I do feel shame about being divorced, but I believe that is a state of my own mind.
But, I do believe, I am better off, and I will be whole again. I do feel I am worth so much more, than my X's left over.

I wish you the best, and hope you find the answers and hope you need to get you through this hard time.

K.

Junie,
How I feel for you.

I too thought I would live that way. I never married to get divorced.

I know I would have lived with my X having his affair. I loved him, and the thought of divorce was out of the question.

I went through a lot of counseling, two different ones (only because the first one told me it was over, and I didn't want to hear it).

I had to do that, for myself. I had to feel like I did everything I could to be okay with divorce.
And, I did.

I know, in my heart, that I did all I could.
My X would not give up his affair. It was not his first. (I had no idea about the other affair)

Like the other posts said, and I agree. You have to do things for yourself. Help yourself and your self esteem.
Please don't let this man do this to you. You are worth so much, and not a someone for him to come back to when he is done.

You have to soul search for yourself, and come to that on your own.

Today, I know that I am better off not living with his leftovers.
It took me so much time to realize this, and still am suffering from his choices.
But, to have lived with him "loving" someone else, and me not having all of his heart was not an option either.

For me, the breaking point was. While I knew he was involved in an affair. He went back to his home, with his mother and family. He hooked up with an old girl friend there, in front of his family, and broght the woman back to his mothers for the night. Now, I don't know what took place if anything, but, that was way too much for me.
That was the final straw. I knew at that point, he was a womanizer, and I did not want that, and could not live with that.

I know the hurt you are talking about.
I was married for 18 years, and have two wonderful daughters.
I am divorced/alone now, and I am fine.
It's not the life I would have invisioned for myself, and most certainly not my daughters.
I do feel shame about being divorced, but I believe that is a state of my own mind.
But, I do believe, I am better off, and I will be whole again. I do feel I am worth so much more, than my X's left over.

I wish you the best, and hope you find the answers and hope you need to get you through this hard time.

K.

I'm sorry I posted my response twice.
The system was so slow, and it didn't look like it took it.

K