Hello. This is my first post. My question is this--Can he really change? He says he will change the following, but I don't trust that he will.He has a drug and alcohol abuse problem, which he lied about until I finally asked him to leave. He treats me disrespectfully, in front of our 3 small children, and belittles my friends and family. He does not show any love or affection towards me (unless he wanted sex). He has poor credit from the beginning of our marriage 9 yrs ago and said he had been working on resolving the debts. He didn't, and I found this out by an old debtor trying to collect. We have trouble getting loans, etc. He makes good money, but we end up paying high interest rates. He doesn't appear to be changing for the better even though he says he will. There are other issues like porn, keeping this and drugs in the house, etc. I feel better off w/o him and am happier now that he's moved out, but my kids are having a very hard time with this, and I think, if he can change, should I stay? Please help with any advice. Thank you...Confused

Hello,
wow!!!! that was allmost like reading my own story i posted up under divorced and divorcing. where do i began. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] my (h) has done me the very same way. as far as dis respet,lies, putting me down in from of my friends,u name it. i have gotton some real good advice here from the outher (mb)members. they told me to read read read all i can on all the sites that are avabile here. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and post as much as u want to just vent or ask questions. do u have family or friends u can go to and talk to them? have u conseried councleing? if (H) won't go them maybe by yourself. to try and figure out how to deal with what is happening to u in your life. my (h) is also into porn, i feel the hurt u do, i truly do. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] i have tried and tried to get my (h) to get help for himself but he won't. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] untill they can see that it is there problem they won't change, and we can't change them sorry to say. sorry about not being able to think strait enough right now to give u more advice, but please keep posting and let us know how u are doing . our (m b) friends are here to help us and they will. this is the best site i have ever ran into. GOD BLESS U Cathy

Mrs,
I think the answer to this is like the old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really, really want to change. <p>When I met my H four years ago, he was an unemployed, habitual liar. He lied about everything he did, was or knew. He held 18 jobs in the first 15 months we were married. He was extremely destructive when angry and said really mean things, too, designed just to hurt me. After 15 months, I told him to leave. He asked under what circumstances would I let him come home. I said he had to get a job and keep it (he has worked steady for the last 3 years) stop lying (he went to some counseling---the rest he did on his own) stop punching holes in the wall (he did) and stop saying cruel things (he hasn't said anything else). I had been asking him to do these things in the first 15 mos and asked him why he waited so long to make the changes. He told me it was because he only took me seriously when I made him leave and that he loved me more than anything in the world and wanted to stay married to me. <p>I think you should stay if he does show improvement and you feel that your life is better with him. I believe in doing everything possible to save a marriage but sometimes it gets to the point where if you're not with me, then you're against me--as far as I'm concerned. I think it's in your childrens' best interests to work it out and be a happy, healthy, whole family.