Hi, I used to come alot during the beginning stages of my W and I's conflict. I havent been back for many months. Either way we ended in divorce. I am not very happy about it, but I am learning to accept it. I guess now I just want to learn to carry on. I want to learn what my contribution was to the divorce. I am not sure of anything these days and I want to be solid again. We do have a daughter, I would also like to learn how to be this best dad possible in this situation. I come to you guys because I know you have all been there. Any suggestions are greatly appriciated. I know there probably needs to be more history. I will just kind of wing for now and answer any questions.

Thanks, Gabe

You might benefit from seeing a therapist to help you sort through your feelings and allow you to see what you can correct and learn from this experience. You have a daughter and I encourage you to do all you can to show you love her.

I am in a tricky spot these days. I am in the military and I will be stationed over seas for the next two years. I am planning on getting some counseling when I get to my next assignment. I am just not sure what they will have to offer. One good thing is that my daughter (XW is also military) will be there also. I am currently over seas now and I have been away from the states for a year.

Wow, so you get to see your daughter? That’s fabulous.
Okay, have you gotten the book When Dinosaurs Divorce? It’s for kids, but has lots of good stuff in it, even for adults.
For me only time really showed how I’ve contributed. Interestingly enough, I now think that I screwed up in entirely different ways from how I used to think I screwed up. I was really worried about LBs. And I had been very disrespectful. But I also twisted Selfish Demands into something bizarre. And by inappropriately using Plan A, I contributed to the demise of my marriage. I should have listened to my mother!
So I think the whole thing is a journey. Counseling helps. But so does time and reading books. One book I found fascinating was “Will Our Love Last?” It’s geared for non-married couples who are contemplating commitment. It offers a different perspective from Dr. Harley’s books and is a good counter-balance.
Another book I found to be very helpful was Bryn Collins “Emotional Unavailability” The best thing I got from it is “I didn’t break him, and I can’t fix him.” Because as she says in the end “People can’t be fixed because they’re not broken.”
All these things led me to a greater understanding of myself and my spouse. And with that understanding came growth and forgiveness.

I don’t know if that helps or not.

Hey, thanks for all you’re doing for us. I truly honor those who serve our country. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All of you.