hello every one. I am in the final stages of my unwanted divorce. my H told me over 2 years ago that after 10 years of M he didn't want 2 b M any more & eventually he was going 2 leave. after a year of this and trying everything I kicked him out due 2 multiple A & constant rejection from him. I still tried 2 reach out 2 him for a year after that but he still didn't want 2 be married. He says he can never be faithful 2 me & that he basically initially wanted me b/c I would be a good mother for his kids. We have 5 children, 18, 16, 8, 2, & one with Jesus.(Yes, I was pregnant when he told me this. A baby he asked me to have & I did just for him). I'm 35, he's 38. we met when I was a jr. in high school & he a freashman in college. He has been all I've known. For years I knew something was wrong with our relationship. I found Dr. Harley's book about 3 & 1/2 years ago, read it in a few days and was full of faith that our marriage could be fixed. However, he wouldn't do ANYTHING! And still won't. He is living with an W while also having sex w/ other women.(Aslo periotically still tries 2 have sex w/ me.) I feel so used and stupid, even though I know I am not stupid. I am going on with my life but I'm so tired of my thouhgs always being consumed of him, what he is doing, and most of all, what if he would have at least read the book, went 2 a siminar, heck, went 2 the MB web site. How do I get him out of my head!!!!!!

Fill your life with happy things and forget him. He was a user and manipulator. Some of us men only ended up here because our spouses decided they didnt care enough about the marriage to help repair it. So we are not all SB's. You will be fine, I will be fine. We will all be ok. Look for support in your friends, but dont wine too much because it does get old. Do some things with them to occupy your time and you wont think of him too often.

This is where the protection phase comes in. It’s not really Plan B because you’re almost divorced.
Basically, write him a nice little letter explaining that since he’s insisted on this divorce, you need time to heal and therefore, you request that all correspondence, etc. is funneled through either your attorney, or some friend that you chose and specify.

After that, you don’t answer the phone. You can ask the older children to answer the phone instead.

Have you changed the locks on the doors? Now would be a good time to if you haven’t. And don’t give him a key.

Once you have no contact, you’ll find it easier to start moving on. To stop thinking about him. To replace him with other thoughts. For me it was yoga and painting the house. And rereading Shakespeare.

You’ll be fine. You’re still very young. All the world will open up like a lotus blossom for you. Just wait and see.

Thank you both so much for responding. I will do so. No, he does not have a key and I am the one who started the divorce. b/c he insisted that we couldn't fix our M and I needed to get on w/ my life and heal. Ironically though, he is dead set against divorcing. He wants "Mary Popings" at home with the kids and to take care of him, but also wants to live a single man's life. also, I am new to this form. What is this voting thing and where can I find what all the abreviation mean. Tahnks again and take care.

Check out the first post on the emotional needs board. It’s not really as long as it looks. It has the abbr. Read up on Plan B. And good for you in that you defended your boundaries and weren’t about to let him have his cake and eat it too.

Thanks so much Greengables for the info. I can't tell you how much it has helped me. I've been going through alot of it. It's so funny, I hadn't told the family, kids, Or confronted the OW, thinking it was the right thing to do. Now I see, I was just helping him out! I will start that process this week and I'm no longer a doormat! I have started working out again and become deligent in praying and reading my Bible. I had been doing so on-&-off again. I know it is different this time, though. I know I am well on my way to bigger & better things. Thanks for your personal encouragement and advice. And thanks to all who have bared their souls, personal and private business to help others. I hope to do the same for someone else some day. I rely feel much better now. One last thing I have to tell. Yesterday, I had to call my WH. His cel phone went right to his message. I remembered his pass code from when we were together and tried it.(I know it was childish; what can I say; it got the better of me.) Low and behold there was a msg on it from the OW ranting and cussing @ him. She told him that she was tired of the games he played from the start of their relationship and how he had treated her the other day. She also said that they were broke up and that he was pushing her to do something drastic and not be friends with him even though he insisted that he will always be nice to her. He tells me the same bullcrap!!!!!!! He tells me all the time that he will always be nice to me and take care of me with his money. Even if I remarry, because of all I've been through with him and for having his kids.uuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I can't wait to tell her about that big lie. Just this Saturday @ our son's tract meet I had to check him for speaking improperly to me and in front of our family. (I did it in a non LB way though) Any way, take care and stay in the way of your blessings. Bye.