The stbxw came over Saturday to get the youngest who will still visit her. She tore thought the driveway like 40 MPH and was going up towards the daughter who doesnt want to see her anymore. She was on the 4 wheeler, wearing a helmet, going slow, taking care of her barn chores. I swear to god I thought she was going to run over her, or scare the hell out of her or something. We are all scared of what her next move will be, so today, we are heading to court to see if we can get some relief of some sort.

Good luck in court. You obviously need to protect yourself and your children. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us know how it goes.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hope you get the relief you need. Tons of luck going your way.

We have dates and a RO against each of us about taking or selling anything from the home without the other's approval. Law guardian has been appointed. They want counseling for me and the kids and that is already in the works. She was trying to split the kids up, and the court said no. All or nothing. She wants house, horses and everything else she doesnt want to be sold. NOW, What happened to child supports intention to help keep the kids in the lifestyle that they have been accustomed to or at least close? I will sell the extra horses, but the others were gifts to the kids, but I do buy the feeds. She wants to give 1/2 of cs and if it isnt enough, I should break the kids hearts and sell their personal horses. What if I had a newer truck and a payment? Would they allow her to give less cs and I should sell my vehicle? I need reliable safe transportation ffor the kids. I cant get a car with what I make, and the everyday bills. Should I allow them to take the kids home, their animals, and have to get an apartment and start out with nothing in hopes that a garage sale will pop up with what they need? I will say that it costs 150.00 per month to feed the horses. I know that alot of people dont have horses. It is their recreation. Their life. Should I tell the kids that they are going to have to face losing both an abusive mom, their home, possibly change schools and their Very Much Loved horses? Why are they not going by the cs schedule on this? I thought it didnt matter what expenses the custodial parent has. Believe me, it wouldnt really hurt her to pay the full amount. I would even take a little less providing it isnt her anger driving the decision. I want what is in the BEST interest of the kids only. My stuff can go.

bump

I've always heard that it's a strict "schedule" they follow (all states, unless you are outside the US). And I regret to say that horses, unless they bring in income, wouldn't be considered a necessity. I hope I'm wrong here but my H has hashed out many cs agreements over the years with my Stepson's mom. I've seen the paperwork, they barely even consider the fact that we have two children together when they figure out the support. It's very bare bones if you ask me.

I hope it works out that the kids can keep their horses. I think it's great that they even have them! That was always something I dreamed of having as a child.

Oh, are your kids involved in any programs in school that could tie the horses in? Like FFA, 4H, etc? That could make it so the horses are considered as somewhat of an educational tool. I'm really reaching here.

Hired Help,
Jaded One said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">are your kids involved in any programs in school that could tie the horses in? Like FFA, 4H, etc? That could make it so the horses are considered as somewhat of an educational tool. I'm really reaching here. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a great idea. Another option I thought of is if grandparents might want to "sponsor" the horses for a while in order for the kids to keep them.
But I think you should keep in mind, CS doesn't have as much to do with recreation (and $150/month is kind of an expensive recreation) as it does with basic necessities, like food and clothing.

Keep us posted.

Ok, but did I mention that my STBX (I wish I could write that bigger) has her own horse also and has taken it with her and boards it for 300.00 a month? She refuses to sell it and took over 1K in tack with her.

the kids are involved in 4H. They compete in shows, and horse camp. They go to monthly meetings. They go on trips and have fundraisers.

I feel I am showing good faith by selling 1 extra horse, and also a horse that I own. I will have no horses but the kids.

Now, It was the STBX that got them involved in this. We have had ponies and horses for 18 years. This wasnt new because of her going to work. I maintained the whole enchilada while she went to school.

My 14yo D is planning to go to Equine College to persue a career in Horse training and health.

Honestly, My 13yo D isnt as involved but does try and has interest.

I feel that the amount of CS awarded should be in accordance with the CS Standards act and not based on what the "Kids Own". The horses were a Gift to them from us. They were told it was Xmas, and Birthday combined because of the cost. The last two years, they were given Tack (saddles, bridals, books, and Horse health products ) for christmas and birthdays. If we take the horses away, then it will be like taking away everything from the last three years of gifts.

If anyone feels I am being petty, speak up. BUT, Remember, they are girls and they do LOVE these animals. I think it would destroy them. I think It will make them feel like it is their divorce.

About the grandparents.... My parents are both deceased when I was young, and the STBX parents are about as much good as she is. Part of her problems.

Hired Help - I am confused - ?? You have the kids and she is suppose to pay you child support - yet she only pays half of what she is suppose to??? My girls dance and it is a big expense but I refuse to take them out of it - I make it work - because that is what is important to them.. I had in my divorce agreement - that he pays child support - then half of the activities - the ones that they had been involved with long before he left... Well he pays the child support and that is it - I have to figure out a way to make the activities work - if that is what I want them to do - even though it is in writing that he pays half - it isn't worth my fighting with him on a monthly basis to get him to pay... Most courts want the childrens lives to stay as pretty much to normal as possible..

I agree with Maw64. When we had custody of my stepson for 5 years his mom was supposed to pay us cs. She didn't pay a dime and was also supposed to pay all his travel expenses (she didn't do that either). During the time he lived with us we footed the bill for all his school activities and sports. Those were considered recreation and not necessity.

If your stbx's cs doesn't cover the cost of the horses, is there a way you can cover it? I know you said she is the one that got your girls into the horses but now that is done and they love them. So can you keep that dream alive for them w/o their mother's help?

Maybe since they are involved in 4H, there is someway they can help? Maybe feed donations?

Sorry, I don't know anything about what it costs to take care of horses. I'm just guessing here and trying to help you find a way to keep them.

Hired Help - I am confused - ?? You have the kids and she is suppose to pay you child support - yet she only pays half of what she is suppose to???


We only have temp custody right now on paper. The amount that she pays is what she said she would give me. They are sticking to that until we go to court and get full custody. She only wants 1 kid and I think it is to get out of cs. The court said no. All or nothing, they dont split up kids.

My girls dance and it is a big expense but I refuse to take them out of it - I make it work - because that is what is important to them.. I had in my divorce agreement - that he pays child support - then half of the activities - the ones that they had been involved with long before he left... Well he pays the child support and that is it -

If you have it in writing, it is leagle and he could be held in contempt for not following the order.

I have to figure out a way to make the activities work - if that is what I want them to do - even though it is in writing that he pays half - it isn't worth my fighting with him on a monthly basis to get him to pay... Most courts want the childrens lives to stay as pretty much to normal as possible..

I have an offer from the CC company for a low rate and am thinking of getting some cash to hold me over till trial on 6-1-04. Seems like the most logical thing to do right now.

Hired Help - I don't think that any court would ever split up the children especially if that is not what they want... I would try to do the best that you can until it is all finalized and depending on how old your children are - they may have a say in what they want - I believe most courts recognize a child of 14 being able to speak for themselves. And as for my ex - well yes he is in contempt - but you know what I am just going to keep a tidy little list of what he pays and what he doesnt' pay - and then when it comes when my youngest is 18 and I have to pay him off for the house - then I am going to deduct it from it -- Or I guess it just comes down to you have to pick your own battles - what is important or what is not important... I mean I know that their activities - are important but I am making it work - and I have to think about my sanity and how I am 100% better off when I do not speak to him what so ever... So now do you have girls?? And how can your wife think of splitting them up?

It is so interesting that hired help is so alone and happy. I still reread the lies and wonder how he sleeps at nite, oh yeah our youngest told he doesn't I wonder why.

I was never within 1/4 mile of the kid, I had no idea if she had a helmet on or not, I could barely see her in the distance.

I went to get my summer tires, which are on his girlfriends car. I drve to where they were on the driveway saw they weren't there and then turned around, ohh scared, yeah right.

I held my tongue waiting for the truth to come out, crying alone in my apt waiting for those poor children to see the lies and step forward. Unfortuanletly they are blinded by no parental control. Oh yeah this year alone my 15 year old has been asked to change at school due to inappropaite attire 2 times I am aware of. Gee I wonder if he likes how she dresses. My 13 year old still sleeps in his bed.

Do I know where they sleep at nite. No I do not. Do I care hell yeah. I pray about it all the time. Unfortuantely it is too late for the 15 year old.

<small>[ September 24, 2004, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Stone Cold ]</small>

Personally, I am afraid of horses. And they know it. They are too big and unpredictable. Personally, I would not buy and keep one for our son.

That said, I come down very strong on YOUR side as far as keeping these animals for your girls. Given all that you have posted, the wrong thing to do would be take the horses away from your kids. You have already done what you could to mitigate the costs, admirably and unselfishly. From what you write, the horses are NOT a luxury item, but very important to the kids' sense of self, their lives, their past and the older one's future plans.

As I see it, if I were the judge, I would force your wife to pay the feed bill. I would also make her responsible for all expenses related to this hobby, including vet bills, farriers, and any fees related to 4H.

What you said about wiping out all past gifts because they were horse related, TOTALLY. I hope you have a good, articulate, aggressive lawyer. A barracuda.

And if you lose on this issue, I hope you can come up with some way to support the horses.

the kids hate the horses as they were what I did with them (the mother) he needs to sell them. and no I willnot pay for 1/2 the expenses of the horses.

I do not see my children due to exptreme case of allienation. The last visit I had with my youngest she left bruisees allover my body. While I was attempting to bbq steak for her (her favorite meal) I never raised a hand or a voice. After 4 hrs I got a nighbour woman to come over and sit with her. The next day I let her go home. She was pmsing did not want to be at my house and was totally rude and violent.

But hey they are just kids.

Welcome Stone Cold, and thank you for posting on Hired Helps thread.

How do you know for certain that the kids hate the horses? Is that what they said to you?

You said something about your stbx's girlfriend's tires - Hired Help, what's this about a girlfriend? Stone Cold, are you sure this is a "girlfriend?"

Stone, I know something about "acting out" in teenage years. My sister and I did a lot of that. Inappropriate dressing was something we both worked at, but my sister got first prize. You do understand that it's a symptom of problems in the home, right?

I read that your 13 year old left you bruised. Sorry. As bad as we were when our lives were in chaos, we never struck out at our parents. We were too timid to hit them directly. We went roundabout - playing hookey, dressing inappropriately -

You sound just about at the end of your rope. I hope you are able to pull back far enough to recognize the pain the girls are experiencing thanks to the chaos their parents have inflicted into their lives.

Oh, you do deserve credit for holding your temper in handling your daughter. It was a really good idea to ask the neighbor to come and sit with her.

Please, though, if the girls are reacting to you being gone by telling you they "hate" the horses, consider that their emotions and hurt are outside the norm and that they exaggerate in order to get the message across that they are disappointed in you and that they are in agony over the breakup of their family.

<small>[ September 27, 2004, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</small>

don;t lecture me on how to be around the girls. I am not at the end of my rope.

yes he cheated on me why do you think he spend months posting all those lies about me, to justify his actions. he cheated on me 6 years ago I forgave him then and then started 2 years before the divorce witha nother woman.

and the kids helped him plan this divorce. So the lies are coorbared and planned and excuted as a family team.

The oldest daughter he speaks of, she sees the truth. the friends who said "they didnlt know why we lasted as long as we did" they are achololics, which btw he goes there and drinks with kids in car all the time.)

<small>[ September 28, 2004, 07:39 AM: Message edited by: Stone Cold ]</small>