How do you make that first step?

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. I have a daughter from a prior relationship.My husband and I got pregnant during the first month we got married, so immediate stresses were put us. We look back and can both admit we got married for the wrong reasons. His lease was up on his apartment, I needed a stable relationship. We didn't date for long, basically rushed into the marriage. I didn't know him, he didn't know me. But, somehow, we've managed to stay together this long.

It hasn't been easy. It's been mostly hell for the entire time. Before our son turned 1, he had already gotten another woman's phone number. He's been emotionally and physically absent, hanging out with friends, playing basketball, being a couch potato when he's home, not talking, not paying me attention. Four years ago I had an emotional affair with a coworker. My husband still does not pay me the attention I need. He has demonstrated several episodes of anger, and is verbally and, sometimes, physically abusive.

We've talked about breaking up since our first year of marriage. We've gone through mini-separations, and several "let's try and make it work" promises. We never try. I'm suffering from depression, developed a gambling addiction, lost more self-esteem, and have become a virtual basket case. He doesn't see his fault, although he claims he does. Lately, he's been showing signs of cheating, like getting super defensive when questioned, cleaning out the car prior to me getting in, other things that aren't "normal" for him. I'm feeling as if I don't want to try anymore, but don't want to hurt the kids.

I know I don't want to try. I don't think I love him. I don't like him, for various reasons. I want it to end but I depend on him financially, and don't want to break the kids' hearts. What do I do? How do I approach him with it without starting a big fight? I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it to end.

Lost72
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and, sometimes, physically abusive.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This should answer your question. The first step has already been taken and not by you.

There never has been and never will be an excuse for any type of abuse.

Do you have friends or family that can help you get yourself on your own feet?

They do not need to know why, they just need to be able to understand what it is that you need.

As for your children, are they better off in the environment that they are in now or a life without neglect and abuse?


WIWH

I truly believe they'd be better off without him. I'll put it this way. He doesn't abuse them physically or verbally, but he disrespects me, and I think that's enough. I'm not saying he shouldn't be in their lives. I just don't feel it's necessary for him to be present in their lives everyday.

I don't really have family that can help. If I were to ask my parents, there would be strings attached. I am on my own with this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If I were to ask my parents, there would be strings attached </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am on my own with this. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it to end. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like you are stuck making a difficult choice. I recomend finding someone you can talk to. IC, close friend, pastor, local support group. This can help to give you a better perspective on things to make a solid decission.

Sometimes you have to accept a bad situation to get out of one that is worse.