When do you just give up? How do you know when it is time to move on to divorce? How will divorce make my life better? What are the answers? What advice do you have for me? I'm losing hope. It is so one-sided trying to hang on to a marriage that is almost no longer. Won't I feel better to just give up and move on rather trying to convince WH to come back home and work on the marriage? It hurts to be rejected, so I should reject, right?

I was told to work on myself -- and let the rest fall into place.

Work on being a better parent. Work on getting to know yourself -- take up that class that you always wanted to. Get up and take the extra few minutes to exercise, take care of yourself. A confident, healthy woman is VERY attractive. Doesn't mean you have to sit there pining over your husband -- it means you are refocusing your efforts on YOU and those kids and not what HE's doing.

Read the site -- and work on the things that YOU can change. Is it hard? You betcha it's hard. Is it worth it? I truly believe that our paths are pre-destined. God gives you the tools to work on you and to be the best that you can be -- but you have to put in the effort. Make new friends, change things that you KNOW need changing -- that doesn't necessarily mean file the papers and look for a replacement husband.

i have recently come to this point myself. We've been married 6 years and it's been a constant battle. I think it comes down to deciding what you will and won't tolerate.

My h is verbally abusive and would like to be the king of the castle. But he also does not work, feels like I should pay for everything, is mean to my d (not his) and, frankly my dear, I have had enough.

He moved out a month ago-we decided to separate and try to work things out, but I honestly don't see it happening. My life so so much easier with him gone...and I don't miss washing his dirty drawers. Nobody cusses me out most days and I don't have to ask permission to do any thing. I like it.

So, for me, this is when I call it quits. When my life is better without him than with him.

Thank you Elan. I am trying to work on myself. In IC, losing weight, tanning, enjoying my kids. I just get discouraged sometimes. I have my up days and my down days and it is so disappointing. But I don't know that I am ready for the big D.
FMD, that is good that you know the answer to what you want. At least you aren't in limbo. I want to be really sure and while I don't miss doing his laundry and other stuff like that, I don't know that he knows if he is done with me either. I guess I will just have to be patient and give it more time.

I was done on December 9 with plans to serve him on December 17, the two year anniversary of his breaking my arm.

What I did was sit him down, telling him that I was ending MC, and offer the MB program. He took it. We are REALLY struggling, but I see more and more clearly that the first step for me was to decide that I would not hang on to a marriage which didn't work for me out of some Christian duty to being married for life and forgiveness and the sense, provided me by my H, that I was too demanding and controlling.

I know this may sound silly, but I think listening to tapes on win-win negotiating, which I got from the library, has helped me to see that it is a matter of approaching M as win-win or no-deal. If you decide to be committed to life, you will settle for anything.

Think about it... your end may be a beginning.

Can you give us specific names of tapes you have listened to that were helpful?

Thanks.

God Bless,