As long as this post has such an ora around it... I met my wife when I was 22. I was still a virgin, having had only a couple girlfriends. I was shy and insecure. She was not. She knew what she wanted and took it. I didnt fight it, as I thought about sex all the time but didnt know how to make it happen, and barhoggs were out of the question. Getting laid was the best experience I had ever had and couldnt get enough. I was fixing a car, and she went and got some spray paint and wrote F*** Y** all over it because she didnt want me working on it. it wasnt important to her. That was a red flag that I let go because......I appologised and was .......Getting laid again. So many signs, blinded by sex, an emotional attachment that I thought I couldnt live without. That set the stage for the next 20 yrs. Tantrums, her way or no way, appology, sex and the cycle began again.

There were great times in my marriage. Toward the end, I realized I was hollow, getting my physical needs met and very well mind you. But the emotional uplifting, You can do it, Follow your dreams, that was gone. It was her life, her money, her car, her house, her kids, her animals, her future...... See, I was just along for the ride.

DO YOU KNOW WHO'S FAULT IT WAS? MINE>...>>>

Nobody told me to stay in it for sex. Nobody told me to stay in it and take the abuse. I thought getting laid was worth the little bit of bad that accompanied it from time to time. But eventually, it was one fight after another. One event after another. Hell, I couldnt even have someone turn around in the driveway, the dogs barked and the car left. She would yell at me for it. TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

Downtown. I am glad you realize that you had alot to do with the failure of your marriage. Ok, Now you move on. Get some couseling for yourself to deal with the hatred you have for yourself. Thats what it is with you. The failure was in your opinion your fault. What you are failing to see, we are not all you. We worked till we cried to no avail. The decisions didnt come easy, Lets see, should we bake a cake with chocolate frosting, or get a divorce? I think Divorce for $200.00 Alex.

We traveled a long hard road to get to where we are. We dont need anyone trivializing or making angry statements to us for what we are doing. Again I stand with Been there Before.

Dude, copy all your posts and go talk to a counselor. Let the counselor read them and ask what he thinks. I guarantee you one thing. You aren't taking a single ounce of responsibility for nothing. Any good psych will see it and address it. You can't see it cause you're in the midst of it. Hired Help ain't gonna see it. He's still bitter about his own wife and projecting his marriage onto yours. He thinks your wife is his wife. Last I knew, they're two different people.

Why are you worried about what happens to her after the divorce? About her living a life alone? Lots of men's ex's they thought were selfish go on and have happy 2nd marriages. It's all in perspective. You see her one way, he sees her another. You see her as lazy. He sees her as easy-going. He might appreciate the things you don't like. Just the way it is. Everyone's got a different personality.

Don't know why you're trying to convince me though about how bad she is. I hear you. But I'm wondering why you Can't just say, "Hey all I'm getting divorced. Any advice?" Maybe you need to search deep in your soul and ask yourself why you keep going over all her stuff so much, like you're trying to convince me and other people. I don't care what kind of woman your wife is. You're the one divorcing her and living with it. It doesn't affect my life. So why are you trying to convince me she's an ogre? I think it's to get the guilt off your shoulders. So no one'll point a finger at you. Dude, no one thinks less of you. Lots of guys do it. Blame the ex to keep their pride. Even if your wife is those things, so what? Why do you feel the need to tell everyone? Seriously. Ask yourself why.

You gotta be kidding if you want me to judge your wife's mother or wife skills. Look, I don't know the woman and I sure don't know you and I'm not about to think she's a bad mother from the things you say. You come sit in my office and I get to know both you and your wife for a bit, and maybe then I'll know. But not this way.

So, what are you wanting? You want me to agree and give ya sympathy? What do you want? You already got your mind made up. You want out, want a new wife. You got a list a couple miles long of all the bad stuff about your wife. You got a list that long about all the good about you. You got those lists memorized and gotta make sure everyone reads them.

You say your open to criticsm. You're not. You say you want to know if you're doing the right thing. Nope, you want to hear that yes, you're doing the right thing, not "if" you're doing the right thing. Your wife's a freak. I got it. It's your perspective. She thinks you're a bore. Maybe you are. Is her perspective right? What makes her wrong and you right? What makes her right and you wrong? Are you a bore? Of course you're gonna say no. But she'll say yes. Same with the other cr** about your wife. Your gonna say it. She's gonna disagree. Perspective.

Hey, just remember when you remarry, there ain't no perfect woman.

I kinda get the picture that this is also your way to get back at her for checking out of the marriage sooner. But you still haven't told me why did she check out with her mind and heart. Why was she unhappy years ago? You take responsibility for nothing and you don't address any of her gripes. Divorce is alot easier than dealing with it, eh bro? You bet it is.

Downtown; you seem so angry in your posts, I'm wondering what kind of buttons that this thread is pushing in you and why you have to come down so hard on BHB?

Been Hurt Before, Only you really know what it was like to live in your marriage. Both you and your stbx will have different perspectives, that's normal. But I think somehow you know when you have tried everything you can and there's no hope left. THere comes a point when you know that if you stay, the relationship will destroy you emotionally. Then it's time to go.

If you are really unsure of whether you should give her another chance, then go thru the divorce but don't even think about dating. Wait and see how she responds, whether she keeps up with visitations, child support, will go to counseling with you. Within a few months you will see if the changes are real, especially if you are not distracted by other women.

Hope this helps a little.

Not angry. Blunt. He doesn't need any more confirmation that he's a victim. He's already fully convinced of it and confirming him isn't gonna help anyone, especially him.

Been Hurt,how were you hurt before? Girlfriend? 1st wife? Mother? I'm curious.

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my post. I appreciate all of the diverse comments and suggestions.

Downtown, as for the name, there really isn't any literal implied message. I suppose it really should read hurting, but I think that was taken.

Thanks again.

The title of this thread is "need some reassurance." At some point in time, I was trying to get some feedback to make sure that I am doing the right thing for myself and my son by obtaining this divorce.

As the discovery process moves on and new things keep popping up on a daily basis, I no longer need any reassurance that this woman, who I have struggled to make happy and do whatever possible to try to make our lives and our son's life better, is nothing but a piece of garbage.

I have since been told by a couple of neighbor's that she has been having affairs constantly and with four different people (so far as they know) over the last year. One of them in particular I had many suspicions. However, as the truth starts coming out, all of my suspicions are true.

Apparently, they have been renting hotel rooms, she has been telling me on the weekend that she would be going shopping and go over to his place, and, even worse than the other two, has even been over at our own house when I was away with our son out of town. The other three apparently were pilots that she was sleeping with on her overnight stays working as a flight attendant.

If this wasn't bad enough, I have been told that several people in the neighborhood has observed that when I have been at work or gone from the house and she had our son, that our son, on many occasions would be running amuck around the neighborhood. Apparently, it got to the point that people would come over to the house and question my wife if she knew that he was running around outside.

This absolutely disgusts me. This woman is nothing but a of lying, manipulating, deceptive piece of trash.

Fortunately for myself, I have affidavids to prove the above information. Downtown, do you believe that all of this was my fault now? I have absolutely no sympathy for her whatsoever. She was the one who did this and decided to neglect our child, not me. I have been told by many people as well as information in affidavids that I have always picked up the slack with the care for our son when my wife was neglecting him and it is all true. I am not trying to get people to favor me and be against her, they are volunteering to. They know what is in the best interest of my son.

I see no way with the information I have in hand that I will get sole custody of my son, which I should have in the first place. This woman does not deserve to have a child. Yes, she is still his mother in physical form and I will always acknowledge that, but what she has done to him and to me is irreversable and inexcusable. All the pieces are now coming together and the missing links are being put into place.

I know now that I am doing the right thing. I need to get him and myself away from her. She is a troubled human being and will be very alone in her next life. Frankly, I don't care. What comes around goes around and she will get what she deserves, which is nothing, and I will make sure of it.

Love to hear some of the comments now that this additional information has been divulged to me.

Thanks again for everyone's time in responding and reading this novel of a post.